does anybody else panic a bit when they think of christmas ?

[misstiredbuthappy]

Okay I love love love christmas. And enjoy reading all the threads on here.

But I cant help but panic a bit that I wont have enough money to buy dd all the things she would like/things I'd like to buy her and that I wont make christmas perfect. Anybody else get like this ? Please dont tell me im the only one

Not quite the same, but I panic that I have to go through it. I want to keep the numbers of presents down, and the craziness down, and it's such hard work dealing with relatives fussing over what to get the DC and making it all about them. (I know that sounds mean but I have a really difficult family) For me it would be perfect if it was really low-key and with kids you don't get that!

I do love the run-up, twinkly lights, doing the tree, Christmas baking and that kind of thing. I also like Christmas Eve and doing the stockings and the mince pie for Santa with the kids. I'd just get rid of all the nonsense on the day itself! I would pass a law that everyone can only have one present, no one has to deal with relatives unless they want to, and you can only talk about Christmas in December. (Broke my own rule there though!)

I get like that about worrying I won't make Christmas perfect, yes. It's a deep rooted issue because my childhood Christmases were so shite and I always dreamed of the perfect movie Christmases, even the ones that go horribly wrong like the Lampoons . At least there's a real tree and the family are all together in their christmas jumpers drinking eggnog... So I plan from about July every last detail and I think about it a lot. When it gets to September/October I'm really panicking about getting everything bought and sorted. I don't even sleep much throughout November with the worry! Not sure how normal it is but you aren't alone .

I don't panic!!!!

I suppose I'm quite lucky as we go to family for Xmas dinner, so we don't have to worry about that.

I keep lists for Xmas and buy throughout the year to keeps costs down.

I do enjoy Xmas, but it's just another day. I do try and make it fun, but I don't expect it to be perfect. To me, Xmas is about family, fun and food. If you lower your expectations you may enjoy it more!!!

I agree with chanie - lower expectations - it does not have to be perfect, you don't have to buy tons of stuff -

it is about being with family for us - not about the stuff, the day passes quickly.....

Chanie is right, it worries me that everyone has to have the 'perfect' Christmas, as dictated by films and TV adverts, and magazine articles. What about having a 'good enough' Christmas, a happy one. Appearances are always deceptive.

I suppose my expectations were quite low. An only child, no relatives near, dad often worked part of Christmas day, so generally quiet. I was a child in the 1960's and I think expectations of how a Christmas 'should' be have changed dramatically and expensively. Don't feel that you have to give your DC everything that they ask for. A list should be a guide, and they should not think that money is limitless.

I do understand the desire to make Christmas perfect when they haven't been in the past, but if it makes you anxious and panicky is it worth it? And I appreciate that money is a worry for some as well. I used to feel bad when friends talked about having Christmas with friends and family, while DH and I would just spend the day together after FIL died. It was on Mumsnet that I found out that lots of people wish they could have Christmas day on their own, instead of amid chaotic and sometimes unpleasant family ones. So I changed my mindset, that I had something that was desirable, not something peculiar or to be disappointed about, and so I enjoy it for what it is. (And none of the undesirable things like travelling long distances to spend Christmas in foul weather and traffic jams.)

I am a list maker as well, and it helps that we have the same meals on Christmas eve, day, and Boxing day each year. If it ain't broke don't fix it. It's satisfying to cross off items and it makes you feel as if you're getting somewhere.

I know what you mean OP. I know all the things we want to get DS and if I had the money right now I would buy them all. We're buying a little bit every month but I do worry that it'll be Christmas before we know it and we won't be able to afford the last few bits. Other than DS and DP, I only have my parents and DB to buy for, but this is always last minute because money gets spent elsewhere and all the good present ideas I have for them go out the window and they end up with Body Shop stuff and a jumper. And every year I tell myself that I'm going to save each month for next year. And it never happens.

I think girly has a great point. TV and magazines have a lot to answer for these days. Just watch a Jamie Oliver Christmas special. You want to make his recipes but it's also the lifestyle that is aspirational. You imagine yourself making the food, in his lovely kitchen, in his lovely big house. And all of it is expensive. But who are you doing it for? Is it to have a part of that aspirational life? I think that's what the TV programmes hope for. I've tried to remind myself this year that it's about enjoying the day as stress-free as possible and if I don't knit my own yogurt from scratch then Nigella isn't going to come to my house and tell me I've failed. So simplicity is what I'm aiming for. and no loud, plastic tat presents

I grew up in a v dysfunctional family and Christmas and presents were always associated with bad feeling, manipulation and drama. I just want it to feel happy and normal. I'm not worried about the perfect presents or the perfect details, but I think I get stressed when it feels too big and out of control, or like my relatives are trying to use it to control me. I like it small, calm and domestic with just my own DP and DC.

I do have a kind of "dream christmas" in my head that would involve a big family get-together, but in that dream, it's a fantasy family not my real one! (It also involves a fantasy house!)

Betty, I'd love to see J.O. cook in my tiny kitchen, it's 9ft 6in by 7ft 5in wall to wall, so the floor space is much less. It's crowded if two people are in it! Clearly I would be failing in the aspirational lifestyle. There are lots of expensive changes that would make this house so much nicer to live in but I am grateful that we have a house mortgage free which is much more important to me than a show home complete with knitted yoghurt.

I worry more about spoiling our DC and making them materialistic than making sure they have everything they've asked for.

I like to stick to a budget and DH doesn't worry about money so Christmas shopping together was never fun. Now I just buy it all in advance at bargain prices and by Christmas he is amazed how little it has come to. He is just not a bargain hunter and his mum is even worse.

This year we have had lots of health problems/scares in the family and MIL is planning to move house, work Rotas are unconfirmed and so we haven't been able to plan where we are going at Christmas. This is niggling me a bit - mainly as I'd like to spend it with my family who are further away than PIL so might be tricky logistics wise. But first waiting on health test results for DH so really can't moan about Christmas planning (except on lovely MN where I can let it out!!!)

I worry more about spoiling our DC and making them materialistic than making sure they have everything they've asked for.

well brought up grounded dc will not suddenly turn into materialistic and spoilt children over the course of one day in 365!!

Buying presents doesn't even equate to being spoilt I know loads of rich uber rich parents, and all year the dc get things, like stuff for play room, pop to shop come back with black board, sort of thing, they are NOT spoilt. They have travelled world, parents have several houses, they have had house staff and they are lovely grounded polite children who appreciate what they have.

Anyway op I know what you mean.

This is why I start to buy in the Jan sales/August sales and so on.

Look out for stuff all year, from all sorts of places.

I know if I do not have another penny until xmas, I have a few things to give out and xmas wont be a disater!

we have no huge splurge here - I shop around. last years xmas meal was 14.99 reduced from supermarket brought months before rib of beef!!!

just concentrate on a few things like smell and taste for xmas and sparkle.

smell, a lovely candle, or room spray, only used at xmas, make orange pomanders taste, - ginger perphaps or what you like but spiced, and sparkle, some fairy lights and tinsel...pop in a few gifts and its all good.

Fragolino you're right! Will keep reminding myself. Thank you.

girly, I have a tiny kitchen too! Cooking Christmas dinner is a juggling act of trays and pans and finding work surfaces where you didn't know you had them! I can't help but laugh when I watch cooking programmes and they roll out some giant sheet of pastry on their huge work surface. The only place that would fit in my kitchen is the floor!

It would be nice to have a JO/Nigella type Christmas. With guests and homemade cocktails and canapés and a "welcome table" [sorry Nigella but I wouldn't even fit an occasional table in this flat!] but I am quite happy with my chaotic cooking approach in my tiny kitchen with just myself, DP and DS for company

I have simplified our meal so that bits of it have been made in advance and frozen, then they are thawed overnight and are ready for the oven. Only potatoes need peeling. We have a carrot and parsnip puree which is in a microwaveable dish, and we have mange tout microwaved as well. The only pan on the hob is the gravy once the chicken, sausages, stuffing and roasties are in the oven, which means I can get the chicken out and have somewhere to put it while I pour off the juices! The stuffing is frozen in an oven-proof dish.

I fry a few apple wedges last minute. The best thing about it is we don't end up feeling bloated, and because it's the same every year I can cook on autopilot! Cooking familiar things means a nice relaxed morning for me.

I think a little when I've realised there are only really 2 pay days before Christmas. (well 3 but the 3rd is too late for shopping.) last year I had half the presents bought and.nothing this year which worries me no end. must start this week. Also worried about spending Christmas at IL's because last time resulted in a huge row on xmas eve and us swearing we'd never go back ... If it doesn't end in a fight it'll still be dull dull dull so trying to make it as exciting as possible without stepping on MIL's toes too.much and causing an argument.

Well last Christmas Day my exh and I split up and I then had to go with the dc to his family Boxing Day afternoon pretending he was just Ill at home and everything was ok so as not to ruin it for all. Felt awful receiving presents from people I knew would be hating me the next day when they found out. They had no idea so I obviously pulled it off and had to for sake of the dc as he couldn't.
So this year can only be better and I am going to focus on all the traditions and making sure the dc remember this one as much better dispite the split.

I'm sorry choccy. I remember spending a Christmas at MIL'S when H and I were going to separate, MIL was unaware of this at the time. She guessed there was something up but never raised the subject. I really could have done without going but like you, wanted DC to have a good Christmas. We had to stay a few days as well, sharing a bed. I couldn't wait to get home. Good idea to try and make this Christmas the best it can be for the DC.

Row, what would be the fall-out from not going to the ILS this year? Would it be worse than going and risking another argument/upset? Christmas day is so loaded with emotion and unrealistic expectations that it would be more enjoyable for your family if you saw the ILS over the Christmas period rather on the day itself. If you have DC would you really want them exposed to a row?

Thanks girlywhirly, although it was my doing for the split and by then I knew I was leaving at some point , I definitely wanted to get through christmas and new year without spoiling it for the dc. Exh just decided he had to know Christmas day and wouldn't give up until I said yes we were over. Was awful and I wish it hadn't happened the way it did but I made right choice long term and this will be a much better Christmas. On the plus side I have so many less people to buy for so am nearly done!!

Im feeling alot more organised now got most of what dd wants just a few little bits now.

I think I panic because its just me and dd so I feel I have to buy loads as she hasnt got a dad here buying presants too or any presants from his family. I know im bieng daft but I cant help it

I just panic at the thought of getting it organised. we will not be at home but in the Uk so its a case of getting the relations end sorted here and then the Uk end sorted - everybody asks me what to get the dds and I end up getting most of it . I never seem to relax and enjoy the build up which I used to really love . Normally I have a vague idea on what to get some people this year -nil its dd2 birthday in 3 weeks and I have nooooo idea what to get her.
However mum said today seeing as we will be in the Uk its a reason to make the xmas cake ...so that makes up for it !!!!

I just focus on spending a very low key, relaxed Christmas day with those I love. This year it will be just three of us (DS is working), DD, DP and me. We will be just relaxing, going for walks, opening presents, sharing a candlelight meal. We like to 'pull up the drawbridge' and put the world on hold.

No-one's Christmas is perfect, no matter how big their kitchen, how full their stockings or how many homemade things they have. My Christmas is full of love and to me it is just perfect. :)

Rosa, tell the relatives what your DD'S would like, preferably in a letter or email with precise details of where to buy, description, colour, size, code or catalogue number, price etc. Then they have a record of what to get and can't claim they forgot what was asked for. Because they have the details, make it clear that they can purchase the items themselves, as you are too busy to do everyone else's shopping now and therefore if they don't get it the DD'S be without presents from them. If they don't get the present, they could give the DD'S money instead.

I hate it when people are lazy and dump all their gift buying on someone else. It seems ridiculous to appear generous while being so unkind to the other person who has all the work buying and so on. (Obviously excepting reasons of disability, housebound, or ill) I think stopping being the 'personal shopper' for your relatives would make you feel a lot more relaxed and less panicky.

As Chottie says, it isn't about the things and how much they have.