We spend Christmas visiting relatives. How do we have our own special Christmas?

[OneSkinnyChip]

Just that really. We usually make a dash to my PIL for Christmas Day, stay for two nights, then head to my parents on the 27th. Both sets of parents live miles from us and each other.

I feel like we aren't getting a chance to make our own family traditions. Should I do a Christmas Eve celebration? We have one child who is a toddler.

Yes I'd have a special Christmas eve. You could start the "chrismas Eve hamper" ( there's loads of threads on here about that) or just have a special present, make a favourite meal, watch a favourite Christmas film, go to a panto or a walk to see the Christmas lights or church if you go.

We had this. As DS was getting older I felt it really wasn't fair to drag him away from his presents to travel. Now we stay at home on the day and visit family before/afterwards. It means we all really enjoy the day without rushing around, stressing about the weather etc. It's bliss.

We stay at home on the day and visit before and afterwards ( respective families in different directions).

We started doing this years ago when my DH was made manager and used to take staff out for drinks on Christmas Eve. Driving the next day would not have been a good idea, horrible driving Xmas Day anyway.

Since DC this has continued and I am glad. It means we can do Christmas Day how we like it but still get see family.

I love the idea of Christmas Eve stuff but I usually end up in a frenzy of last minute packing and washing Part of me would love Christmas at home but the guilt trip would be a whole world of pain.

We are using a new baby as an excuse to break all the dashing! Usually 23/24 til after lunch on 25 with my parents then up to PiL on afternoon of 25 and home again on 27.

So looking forward to Christmas at home for the first time, starting own traditions etc.

I have done this exact thing for the last 10 yrs (between ILs for 2 weeks) and this year I'm refusing to go anywhere (until Boxing Day for 1 flying visit) I'll probably miss the travelling but I want to wake up in my own bed for once, just once.

We did the same for years before and with dd1. This year we have dd2 and a bigger house so we are staying put and anyone who wishes to join us is welcome. Is that an option?

To answer your q! Last year, we made the Saturday before Christmas (so still had work...) our day: lovely breakfast, film, drove up to the coast for fish and chips and church where we got married Carol service then home for baileys. Busy, but lovely!

I think when you have your own children it's up to you of you choose to make your own Xmas.
As a mother of two who will have their own babies by Xmas I'm completely prepared to be told that they want to have Xmas in their own homes.

How about taking a tradition from another country then? I'm sure some European countries celebrate on 6th December!

For us it's a bit different. We always have Christmas day at home because I refuse to travel. I hate the thought of giving dc their presents then telling them they can't play with them because we need to be elsewhere. But my mum always comes as she lives around the corner. Comes about 10.30/11am then goes home (DH walks her back about 5mins) 8/9pm. But we are very free flowing, people arrive, eat when we get there not set times we just relax and enjoy ourselves.

On the other hand Boxing day is full of stress and tantrums from the MIL. We have to arrive dead on 2.30pm. Dinner is at 3pm and we must sit for at least 2 1/2 - 3 hours, then the washing up MUST be done and put away and dining room and kitchen tidied. Then once this is all done, then the children (6 children 2yrs to 7yrs) are bored/tired are allowed to open presents, but they are not allowed to play with them (this is MIL order) because it's now 8/8.30pm. I would really like to stop going but every year DH hopes it will be different.

Christmas eve we do new pj's after bath then sit down with hot chocolate, a Christmas film followed by the night before christmas.

If Christmas Eve is a bit flurried (are you not on the road to Parents 1?), you could make the solstice a nice time. A few days before Christmas itself, you could have more of a 'light in darkest winter' kind of feel, so that you aren't Christmassed out by the time you reach Parents 2.

Personally, I think when you get kids (and even before actually; we're all grown ups) we have the right to stay put without objections! But it doesn't sound like you're hankering after that, so as long as you like visiting, keep it up while a solo DC is portable.

There are advantages to going to relatives at Christmas in that you don't need to plan meals/do lots of shopping and cooking etc, but you do need to travel. It may be easy now but if you have another baby it may become more difficult. I think it's a shame that your PILS/DPS expect you to always travel to them.

Could you raise the suggestion for the future of seeing one set before Christmas and the other set after? Then you would have Christmas at home. This would also mean they could entertain any other relatives in their own home as usual. Could you travel on Boxing day instead of Christmas day? Is there any reason why they couldn't take turns to visit you at your home for Christmas?

I think while your DC is so young it doesn't matter what day you celebrate on, you've had some good suggestions for alternative ways of celebrating. But I think that the PILS/DPS mustn't be allowed to think that their arrangement for seeing you at Christmas is set in stone. It doesn't seem fair that you always go to PILS on Christmas day and don't swap this with your DPS.

We had our first Christmas day at home last year, when DS was 4 (so his fifth Christmas). We had done many, many, many Christmases alternating between mine and DH's family (well, 16).

I'm sure they were a little disappointed, but it was what we could manage.

They had their family Christmases their way when we were kids, so it really is up to you to design Christmas the way you want your kids to remember it.

We used to do the Christmas hamper on Christmas Eve but we ended up having to do it at whichever families' house. Last year we had the elf on the shelf bring a hamper on Dec 1st. It had in it Xmas movies, pjs, duvets, bath bombs etc. It meant we got a whole lot more use than normal out of PJs and duvets and the kids tell me it made for a great December.
Also the elf brought a jar to collect £2 coins and have been saving for a special Xmas outing.
Think this year we are visiting family for an early Xmas the weekend before this year as last year we spent all day travelling home after Xmas stuck in traffic jams!!

"Part of me would love Christmas at home but the guilt trip would be a whole world of pain."
Who/what causes the guilt? TBH if you want to have "your own special Christmas" you're going to have to prioritise your toddler/DH/yourself over your parents and PILs.

Shake it up by saying that you don't think it's fair to spend every christmas day with PIL so that this year you're going to try christmas at home and then go to your parents and then end up with PIL...

or invite them to you - use your dc as an excuse that he's really excited about santa bringing him his stocking to his own bed!

Invite family to you. If you want christmas day to yourselves then invite the family on boxing day. You never know, they might appreciate the break from cooking and preparing beds etc.

What do you and your dh remember of Christmas when you were little? Did you have it at home or were you dragged out to stay with GPs/etc?

If you spent it at home then it's reasonable to point out that times are moving on, as they must have done for them at some point, so Christmas at your house or meet them at a different time.

If you went to GPs then they may be thinking it is now their time so not so easy - but maybe point out that as a kid you always wanted to have a relaxed Christmas at home...

Sorry for disappearing from my own thread - ironically it's because we have family visitors! :o Thanks for all the suggestions.

To pick up a few points:

DH and I have moved far from our respective homes. PIL and DPs are in the same area and all our siblings have stayed in the original area. This is what works against us as it means our parents are the natural 'meeting point' and if either set comes to us they miss time with their other GC.

DH is quite keen to travel at Christmas because his leave is quite restricted and he is able to take a good chunk of time off then. It's really me who wants to start thinking about our own Christmas. At the minute it's fine but I can see that in another couple of years I will want to stay here. I remember my own family Christmases were always spent at home and my GP came to ours but my mum is very unwilling to do this (she has form for being self-centred in a general way not just over Christmas! but in fairness we are the ones who have moved away, not siblings.)

I really like the idea of the hamper and I think that having it in early Dec is a really nice idea to get more use out of it. DD is still a bit small but by next Christmas she will love that :) I think I just need to get more organised with the packing this year so we can have a nice meal on Christmas Eve - or maybe I can start a Christmas Eve takeaway tradition

You could still have Christmas day at home and travel on Boxing day, and see other family then. Just because you have moved away doesn't mean you have to be there on Christmas day, there are twelve days of Christmas! I appreciate that you are restricted somewhat by work leave, but delaying your departure by 24hrs, even doing this every other year would be doable.

I was going to ask the same thing. My pils live in another country & need to be at their home to look after bil so sometimes we go to them as it makes sense to tick off one of our visits for Christmas & it is lovely but I would love a year at home (we did home Christmas last year for the first time & my parents, siblings & partners all ended up here for Christmas dinner!)

Anyway, I have cheap stockings for dc that I plan to take to pils this year & fill-we also have Santa sacks for bigger pressies but won't be able to trail bigger things on flights so may have to wrap something bigger from us parents & open before we go.

This is the bit I find tricky to know what to do-also last time my pil insisted all their wrapped gifts were from Santa-in our house Santa doesn't wrap everything as it's in the sack or stocking on Christmas morn only & seems a waste of paper to me!

I'm going to have some core stocking things like satsuma, toothpaste, toothbrush, matey bubble bath, Pringles that can be bought quickly over there & used while there, We do activities every day in Dec but I like the idea of not making it so much about the presents anyway. I thing a small game to play while we're away May be a good idea-have ordered shut the box. Ds will be 5 so if anyone has any good ideas of games please let me know! Also if anyone sees any nice stockings-just found out yest I'm pg with no 3 so will hopefully need 3 matching(ish) stockings for next year :)

We do Christmas at home. We moved 2 hours away from family and travel for special events.

But I put my foot down when dd was born. Told them we would do her first Christmas with them but then stay home because our car isn't big enough to pack all her presents and its not fair on dd to not be able to play with her new toys.

We travel to them boxing day afternoon and stay for a few days. Both families have an open invite to join us.

Mil tried to tell me I was selfish for keeping dd from her on Christmas but I pointed out that she was just as selfish expecting dd to miss special things with her friends to entertain mil. Besides, all mil has to do is make an effort to come to us.