Presents for family members

[snowmanshoes]

Hi all,
We're cutting down massively this year on what our children are getting. They will both have a main present each from Santa and from us and then a little pile of other things and a stocking (and of course a few presents from family members) but also I really want to cut down on what I buy other family members. Instead we will be having nice trips here and there and actually have spare cash for things like the cinema and then be able to go for tea afterwards!
This year me and my sister/parents have agreed to not buy individually for adults (we have a discussion every year as to what to do) and instead put all the names in a hat and each choose one. There will then be a list with ideas on and we will spend £25. So a bit like a secret santa so we only buy one present and still all receive something we actually want! However my problem is dh's side of the family. I have hinted several times to my SIL that I feel it is silly to buy for adults, its hard enough to think of things for the children let alone another 4 adults and that its getting more and more expensive. Last year I just got vouchers, I asked my SIL the name of everyone's favourite shop and got them a giftcard for it and it was just silly. Also we are always the ones traveling to them so have to factor in £80 for petrol too (bah humbug!)
I was wondering if it would be terrible to just cut down the amount that I spend. Still say to her beforehand that money is a bit tight (hint hint grrr) and just spend less. Last year I spent £40 on a giftcard for each adult and then put a small gift with it (£5-£10) because I hate giving giftcards but this year I've thought sod it. I'll just get them a £30 giftcard each instead and leave it at that! Then in future years I can look for presents of around £30 but try and pick things up the sale! Is this ok do you think? I can't go on with this amount of spending on them, especially as I don't for my own family who do much more for me throughout the year and yet I'm spending it on other people who a) don't need me to and b) I don't want to!
Thanks for reading

I think 30 is plenty to spend on adults. I cut back to 20 a couple of years back and I'm not sure anyone noticed (but I try to pick up sale items that are worth more).

If you want to stop exchanging presents I think you will need to ask directly rather than hinting - they probably never considered it as an option. They might be pleased to. I was delighted when my sil suggested we just did presents for the kids.

If you are stuck with presents then getting a joint present for couples or families can be cheaper

For adults we do 'consumables' so nice bottle of wine, chutneys, bubble bath etc. Limit is about £10 per adult...sometimes stretch the definition to a CD or a book... Maybe suggest this?

Thanks for the replies. I will just stick to the £30 budget and try and look out for things that look this much but are less in future! Also if I do end up going down the giftcard route again (likely) I am going to say "I'm finding it hard to think of things you may like, and you probably feel the same. Shall we knock it on the head for the adults and just buy the kids instead?" Hopefully she will agree.

x

I think 30 is loads for an adult, honestly. I agree if you want to stop doing adult gifts you need to say it, no amount of hinting will work , been there!!!

Can you put together the money for each couple - 50 for a couple and then make up a hamper for them - some wine, cheese, fancy crackers, biscuits, coffee, dear tea bags, balsamic vinegar, chutney etc. We sometimes get sil and bil a restaurant voucher for 40 - we live near enough so we know where they might like.

I spend a maximum of £10 on adults and roughly the same on children, no one else in my family spends much more ( most spend around £5 ).

We gave up buying the adults a few years ago as like you say it was getting silly. I was giving out a £20 giftcard to get one back every year. Cant you put your foot down and say no presents. Honestly you wont regret it.

I agree stop it for the adults. Though I wouldn't stop the gps as often they're buying still for all the kids so they should IMO still get presents off each family in this situation.

I totally agree that it is crazy for adults to exchange presents - we gave up years ago - with the exception of our DS giving grandparents a present as jamtoast says.

Can you be really firm and just say that you are prepared to be the one to stop the present exchange and you hope everyone will respect your point of view.

Me and my sister agreed to stop buying presents for each other as we ended up giving each other the same amount of cash.

If these adults are insistent that you continue to swap gifts, come over to the Xmas bargains thread and you could get something decent do under £10.

Definetly start to pare it back OP. £30/40 each at Christmas is silly!

I see Birthdays as a time to spend that and spoil the individuap but Christmas is aboutfamily time, kids, fun, food. Presents should (imo) be token gestures or so on.

I would cut down to around £10 per person, we do this and it works well. People might get a DVD or home made chutney/ sloe gin etc. I don't personally think that only buying for the children sends the right message to the children, plus you get issues where someone is on their own - a friend of mine spends Christmas with her sisters and their families. The no presents for adults rule applies, except between husbands and wives. So she buys for all the children, but she is the one sitting there on Christmas morning with nothing to open. Makes me so cross for her.

Personally I also get my children to give presents to the rest of their family as well. They have a limited budget, but at 13 and 11 they are good at finding books second hand, and if they are stuck they make people fudge!

I had this problem too OP. On my side of the family my mum and two siblings do secret Santa and the budget is £40. But on DH's side there were 6 adults and the spend was £25 each... once our two kids arrived I decided to broach the subject and everyone agreed to secret Santa so it ended well My mum and DH don't exchange gifts and my sister's husband also doesn't get involved as he does secret Santa on his side of the family. Seriously OP, secret Santa is the way forward... it's crazy money to spend otherwise. (I also put a stop to birthday gifts with DH's siblings, as in myself and DH don't exchange gifts with them except on milestone birthdays, we added up how much we were spending on birthday and Christmas gifts and it was close to £500 )

If you are unsure of the reaction if his side of the family, why not suggest a reduced budget or secret Santa and decide between you all now. No one will have bought adult gifts yet so loads of time.

Save the money for family time. I'm sure they will enjoy the saving too.

Thanks for all the suggestions. We would still do a token gift from the children as we do that now too. I think I'm just going to say would everyone prefer not to buy the adults this year as I'm struggling for ideas and swapping gift cards seems pointless. If they say no then I'll do a joint present I think per couple but at a much lower cost.

I suggested that we started buying for children only several years back because my sister was struggling financially and I didn't want the expense of Xmas to add to her money problems. Even now she feels guilty because I buy for her three and she only has to buy for my one. But I would hate to receive a present knowing that the person buying it couldn't afford it. I always get a lovely present off my Mum and new slippers off DS and I'm quite happy with that. The other presents from my siblings were always nice to receive but I certainly don't feel that my Christmas is any less enjoyable now we don't bother. Also makes for a much smaller shopping list, and therefore less hassle for me!

Sounds like a good plan!