Lone parenting at Xmas..

7 replies

LalaDipsey · 23/12/2013 21:00

Ok so there are loads of things which are hard...
I and the 3 dc are off to my mum and dad's for Xmas. This means I have to pack stuff for me and all 3 dc (2 of which are still in nappies). This means lots of stuff from clothes to baby monitor to food to bibs to booster seats to presents.. And I have to pack the car by myself... Turn the central heating down, take the bin out so it doesn't smell when we come back, try and make sure we don't come back to too much washing. It's bloody hard sometimes. H was a shit really but he would make me a meal, unload the dishwasher and occasionally make me a cup of tea. Sometimes it's hard to do everything for yourself plus 3 little people all the time.
On the other hand at least he's not living here being drunk and horrid anymore. So that's a good thing. In the main it's good. It's just the little things sometimes doing it on your own which are a bit lonely. My parents will be soooo welcoming this Christmas. My sister, BIL and niece with be there, along with my brother. It's just that on Boxing Day, when we leave, it'll be me driving home, with 3 littlies who can't help yet, to unpack, sort, wash, get dinner ready and then bath and bed. On my own.
This post wasn't meant to be a pity party so I'm sorry . I am much better off on my own than I was with H it's just that Xmas can be lonely.

OP posts:

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 23/12/2013 21:07

It can be lonely but thinking those things are really hard (packing and putting it in the car etc) and reminding yourself of that will actually just make you feel worse.

Packing for the kids and putting it in the car?Easy.Once you think like that it will feel better.

It's not the lack of help at Christmas that makes you feel lonely,it's the lack of hugs and sharing the kids joy with their other parent -the one person in the world you should be able to share it with.

Have a very merry christmas and remember you can do it all and you are awesome

TheExcitablePrawn · 23/12/2013 21:09

I can imagine, and can't imagine all at the same time, how hard it must be, especially at this time of year.

I have two tiny DCs (15 month age gap), and it's bloody hard to pack up and travel anywhere- they need so much stuff!

The writer of this fab blog has recently hot divorced herself with two toddlers and writes a great post today about divorce and dealing with Christmas ( I'm not her by the way so not self-promotion), but thought it might help to read that you're not alone?

Hope you have a lovely Xmas with your family OP

TheExcitablePrawn · 23/12/2013 21:10

Bugger, not sure if that link worked- www.morethantoast.org

suz742 · 23/12/2013 21:12

I know how you feel. I've been on my own for nearly 11 years now with my youngest only a small baby when we split. Your ex sounds quite similar to mine. Christmas, holidays and birthdays are still bitter sweet years down the line even with a supportive family.
I wouldn't say it gets easier, it just changes as they get older and enter different stages. It is very physically demanding when they are young and becomes more emotionally draining in their teens! One thing I have learnt is that all those 'happy families' aren't always as they seem and there are many of us single mums doing a fabulous job with little credit.
You'll reap great rewards as they develop, my 4 make me very proud.
I think Christmas will be a challenge in many ways for us single mums x

Original poster

LalaDipsey · 23/12/2013 21:23

Thank you those replies are really helpful. It is definitely the lack of hugs and sharing which is missed more but I kid myself as he didn't really do that when he was here! It was DTs 2nd birthday on Friday and he has yet to really acknowledge it despite being here for access on Sunday (he couldn't make Friday or Saturday ) and him coming today to bring MIL to see the dc. Ok, am going to take small steps. I'm not packing the car tonight as it's been pouring down with rain and I worry about the presents being in the car overnight but I can easily pack with the help of CBeebies and snacks tomorrow as everything is by the front door now

OP posts:

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 23/12/2013 21:26

I know,I think the same at times yet ex was never helpful anyway ( actually he was fecking useless - turns out he just didn't want the 'burden' of our severely autistic son...his new child he does everything for!!!!) so god knows why I do think it!Maybe it's just the thoughts of how it should have been and should be?

You can do it all hun,then make sure you treat yourself and relax because others rarely realise what it takes!

suz742 · 23/12/2013 21:32

Yes, I think small steps both physically and emotionally are the best way. Having to do all the chores whilst dealing with inadequate exes is sooo hard. Funny, I used to think the same about what I was missing in a partner and realised it wasn't there in the first place! Doesn't make that any easier either. I look back on the baby times and am shocked at how I did cope. We are an incredibly strong bunch and bring up fabulous children. I really don't think mine would have done so well in the negative environment of us as a couple. Being on your own to make choices can be liberating so hold on to your strengths and move forward in baby steps x

Flip