I have my mardy Christmas pants about being a host.

[Pancakeflipper]

For the last 10yrs every Boxing Day is at our house. Our families live about 1-2hrs drive away all near each other but my house is the chosen venue.

My mother always says "I will do a trifle". She always turns u with one of those box versions that you make up and I make it. And that is ironic cos I hate trifle.

Not once have my siblings contributed anything to the gathering or even given me a box of chocs, flowers or bottle of wine and I know this happens sometimes cos I read about it on this site

One of my siblings in the last few years likes to inform us how cheap their Christmas is and how they do it on a budget.

Erm well it will be cheaper when you spend Christmas Day at your spouse's parents, mine for Boxing Day.

So this year I asked bragging sibling to contribute to the soft drinks.

They have gone back to my mother declaring that they are guests and should not be expected to contribute anything and I am rude.

Yes I am rude. So either bring a bottle of lemonade or stay away from my lovely turkey.

I wouldn't do it at all! How flipping annoying and entitled.

Simple, next year go out to a nice pub for Boxing Day. If they want to join you,( and pay for themselves!) fine.

She's the one that's being rude.
DHs family are coming for Christmas and everybody will contribute something even if it's just a token gesture.
We are providing the majority (turkey, bubbly, cheese, veg etc) but Great granny's bought us a ham for boxing day (we've bought but she's giving us the money), granny's bringing Christmas pud from Betty's , grandads bringing some nice wine, SIL some beef & stuff for her fussy kids, everybody is bringing something.

Wow

I have rarely read of such rude behaviour.
I usually spout on about soothing family strife, but you are just being taken for a ride - year on year!

Personally, I would tell your mother that what is actually "rude" is years of people expecting to be entertained all day without offering to contribute a single thing, and without so much as a "thank you" bunch of flowers!

I would follow that by saying that you are done with it. The invitation for this year is off, people can make their own arrangements to do whatever they like providing you are not expected to organise it, pay for it, and provide it AGAIN.

Then enjoy a Boxing Day of pure relaxation.....either by yourself, or with someone else prepared to stump up the energy and funding.
Yes, there will be flak and upset, but if you don't put your foot down now (TODAY!!!!) this is going to continue for the rest of your life.

OP, because it doesn't look likely that anyone else in your family will be sufficiently polite to give you any.

You don't like trifle??

How rude! (Them not you)

I'd tell them there is a change of plan for Boxing Day, you're having a Frugal Lunch. No one needs to bring anything as you will be doing lovely veg soup, tap water, and donations please to just giving page that you set up. In aid of whatever cause is closest to OPs heart.

I agree, about time they learned some manners and generosity. Pancake, have a lovely Boxing day without the family scoffing all your food. It will be interesting to find out how they get on, who will host now on Boxing day and what will everyone contribute? I bet there is an argument between them all about it, because no-one will want to fork out or do the work.

They are so so rude

I'd say your not going to organise dinner but will be providing canapes and drinks. Tell DM and siblings that this year someone else can provide each course and that it's going to be the same going forwards

I just feel horrible to kind of reduce it to money and preparation time when I should just be full of love that my bloody awkward family are in my lovely warm welcoming home.

I just want some fucking thanks flowers/wine/chocs or all 3 . Thank you HaveAFestiveLittleChristmas, I do love my bouquet.

I think next year it will be a bring your own dish to the table to share. I will provide the table.

And I just don't get the attraction of a sloppy trifle. Not when there are profiteroles in the world.

I get this with my sister and her family. They don't come Christmas Day though, thank fuck.

They are coming New Year, they will get the train so BIL can get trolleyed but they will not bring a drop to drink. Expect everything catered and won't lift a finger to help.

It extends to presents too, with them all asking for vouchers to spend and then spending about 1/3 of what they have asked for on us.

It wouldn't piss me off that much if my sister actually took any interest in my family. My DD, her only neive, who is 7 years old, she still refers to by the wrong name.

Last year, she had the childrens presents shipped to me by Amazon so she didn't have to wrap them. I have told her not to do this this year. It's sad it needs spelling out.

Oh I did bring a dish once to a party my sister came to. She brought a bag of crisps.

That is beyond rude. And I don't like trifle either!

This year for the first time we are spending Christmas Day with friends and I have already bought a present to take, I am making a Yule Log and we will take a shed load of wine and Prosecco.

My sister regularly hosts family dinners, but I always take something for pudding or whatever else she asks for. She is hosting Christmas this year and we are taking the booze for everyone and fireworks. It is a standing family joke that my mum will provide a ham.

How rude! We always take a course plus alcohol when visiting family or friends over the Christmas/New Year period.

I would send a group email to everyone that comes (as they don't sound the easiest to speak to about it) and say while you love having the opportunity for them all to get together and don't mind hosting because it's more convenient for everyone, in these times of austerity spending £XXX on Boxing Day every year is a bit of a struggle. Given that this annual gathering is for everyone's benefit, in future would they prefer to:
a. bring a dish (specified by you OP) & something to drink
b. make a financial donation to the cost
c. take turns hosting.

my sister and her DP live very close to me. One year I invited them for Christmas dinner, we had an organic turkey crown two or three puddings, the works. They brought nothing.
On Boxing Day she cooked a whole Christmas lunch and didn't invite us.
I haven't invited them again.

On Christmas Day this year my dsis and dbil, dm, uncle and Granda are all coming to my house.
My mum is doing the ham my Granda and uncle have bought the turkey and my sister is doing desserts.
I am actually looking forward to it! Everyone will also bring their own alcoholic drinks(I will have soft drinks) and I get an extra Christmas present from my mum and sis for hosting!

OP .... I want to ask why you plan to change things "next year" ?

Christmas is still two weeks away, and the subject has been raised.
The fact that your sister has said you are rude to ask for some small level of support is the perfect reason to bring the unfairness of the situation out into the open and finally put your foot down.
It won;t be any easier to deal with them next year!

Courage of convictions, OP
Woman up, and tell them to play fair or play somewhere else!
and please don't let them get away with bringing a packet of crisps. and a trifle still in its box !!

This sounds like my ILs. They demand we cater special occasions and then don't being so much as a bottle of blossom hill. Rude and needs taking to task.

I am having the whole family - My MIL is cooking the turkey, doing the gravy and making a pudding. My SIL is bringing a cheese board and preparing a melon starter for the children. My sister is providing champagne for the meal...my DP is picking up all veggies etc in the yawning chasm of hell that is Waitrose on Xmas Eve

Your sisters family sound like absolute swines. Jog them on

"I've hosted Boxing day every year to the last 10 yrs without a break, it is now someone else's turn." is all you need to say pancake. This year, not next.

Ermmmmm Haveafestive..... I am too chicken to change it this year (we have had two close family bereavements in the last couple of months so we all a bit eggshell standing). And I have ordered the turkey/veg/planned my pud menu.

A rubbish cowardly reason but I am going to speak to my siblings when they are here and suggest they discuss between themselves who does it next year.

I think I want to be adopted by some of your families over the festive season. Hams! Champagne..... bliss....

I am sorry, Pancake - obviously had no idea about the recent losses in the family or would not have pushed. Please accept my apology.

I think its rubbish for you, but do understand why you may not want to cause an upset this year. I really hope the conversations go well on Boxing Day.
If not ..... just tell them you will be sending the MN crowd in to adjudicate!!

(can you at least tell your Mum that you would like anything other than boxed trifle?)

Oh please don't apologise. Of course you didn't know and you are utterly right I should sort it.

But I am too turkey to do so. And I could have done it last year..... Or the one before.

Right next year I grow some, I man up etc... cos the MN jury scares me even more than a box of Birds Eye ffffing trifle (with sprinkles).

Markings calendar to make sure you woman up next year.