Feeling anxious about Christmas. Can anyone help me calm down and plan please?

[MilkOneSugar]

Apologies if this is all garbled - if so it will be an insight into my head .

I am quite an anxious person (not currently receiving treatment but starting to think I should maybe speak to someone). At the moment it is manifesting itself as preparation for Xmas and I'm becoming quite stressed.

I am on a tight budget as I'm newly single and not exactly flush. I have set a budget for my three DC and also for DD's birthday as it falls on Xmas eve. My problem is that initially I struggled to buy anything as I worry over every purchase - will they like it, do they need it, can I afford it, can I find it cheaper, can I find something better? This means I haven't bought much and am now panicking. When I have identified something I would like to buy but don't have the money available, I stress about it being sold out by the time I'm in a position to buy.

I get my child benefit this week and that will be the last lot of money I have to spend on Xmas. I have already spent more than I could at the time (see panic buying) and now every penny will need to count towards bills.

I struggle with ideas for friends and family and I don't have a lot to spend on each but have around 10 people to buy for excluding my DC. I have to buy for these people as they always buy for us. I've had a brainwave and will be doing my DM homemade Xmas decorations from the DC as I think she will love it. My dad in particular is impossible to buy for and it is also his birthday on NYE.

Please can anyone help me come up with a plan that means I can feel in control or give me some words of wisdom about how to cope? I'm so stressed out - I'm constantly looking for things online and updating lists - I'm even waking up in the middle of the night to search online .

How about offering your time rather than something to buy? You could do little 'certificates' promising to wash someone's car (the kids could help with that), bake a cake or make a meal (perhaps regularly), or something similar? If someone offered to bring me a home cooked meal once a month I'd be over the moon!

Thanks Precious. I do live in a market town but the market got moved and is now tiny with very few stalls. I missed the Xmas fair because I had run out of money.

I tend to buy online because I feel anxious about every purchase nd I can spend more time deliberating at the computer than I can in a shop. You should see me in action when shopping! I spend ages looking at the item, put it in my trolley, take it back, put it in my trolley again, and round and round. I often panic buy then take it back anyway .

Having said that, I've prettying done all the DC's for Xmas, the just need one more thing each to take me upto budget but I've not bought for any friends or family and only a couple of bits for DD's birthday.

My DC are DS(14), DD(5) and DD(nearly 3). The lady thing I'm getting DS is a new school bag as his is falling apart but the ones he has chosen are sold out everywhere I've looked.

If you have more time than cash could you give homemade presents? Or get a small gift and also attach a handwritten vouchers that promise you will babysit or help with housework, dog walking etc for so many hours. It sounds a bit naff I know especially when you see fab things you want to buy but I would love the promise of someone to do my housework for a few hours. Your family and friends will understand that you haven't got lots to spend and I'm sure they wouldn't want you to feel so stressed.

milk i think you have just described myself there down to a a T, it is rarther horriable, anxity can be a bitch.

for free gifts. could you get a cookie/christmas mould and amke christmas chocolates and present them nicely?

BlessthisMess, that's a really good idea! I think that would be good for one friend but she's so generous with her gifts, it would feel a bit stingey if I didn't actually but her something. My dad helps me out a lot but I could come up with something along those lines I think. I usually buy him a voucher which doesn't feel thoughtful. The other is my DSis who lives 4 hours away and that just leaves 5 children.

I love the homemade present idea but I could only think it would go down well with a couple of people. My DSis in particular has been going through a really tough few years and I'd really like to get her something meaningful. Last year we agreed to not bother buying for each other as we were skint but then she have me something so incredibly thoughtful, I want to do the same for her this year.

womdering, it is so horrible isn't it. I think I've suffered for years but as I was in an abusive marriage, I hadn't quite realised that that was what was going on. Since I've left, I've realised just how bad it is. I'm thinking of going to see the GP in the new year because I'm so sick of myself. I worry over the most insignificant things and whilst I recognise it, I just don't now how to stop it.

Precious, yes, that should read last or could be main thing as it will be the most expensive item. He's 14 and very image conscious so wants a branded bag but all the ones he likes are sold out .

I would love to do away with buying for friends but they are so organised, my one friend did all her shopping by October so no chance to negotiate .

Morrisons have got the David Beckham smelly set on the 2 for £8 offer so you could buy one for your ds & another brand for someone else.

Buy some cheap mugs, put your homemade biscuits wrapped in a cellophane bag in with tea bags and hot choc sachets and wrap the whole lot with tissue & ribbons. That would sort out a lot of people and they will understand that money is tight and its the thought that counts.

Get yourself over to the bargain thread & those wonderful ladies might be able to find the bag for you.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/Christmas/1928914--Are-Joules-willies-any-good-as-actual-wellies-Christmas-bargain-thread-27

There are cath kidston mugs on amazon for less than a fiver at the moment. bought a star one for DS's teacher and they are lovely! There is lots of lovely jewellery for not much on etsy. You can search by country so that time is not an issue for delivery for your sister,

For homemade gifts from my DC, I have bought a pack of colour-in-yourself gift boxes. It was about £3 for a pack of 12 small boxes. We will then either bake something like cookies to go inside or alternatively fill with a handful of quality street from the tin we got in Lidl for £4.
the pattern/pictures are pre-printed on the boxes and it has the added bonus of keeping the DC entertain for an afternoon.

Do you have a nice photograph of you and your sister together as children that you could get copied and put in a frame. One that she doesn't have maybe?

Or a pamper box for her - favourite chocolate bar, a miniature of her favourite tipple, foam bath, scented candle and a glossy magazine she wouldn't buy.

Could you do nice mugs with hot chocolate in them and marshmallows? You could wrap them nicely in cellophane bought from a florist or our local pound land has cellophane bags.

I'd do craft boxes for the children. Get a shoe box or similar and cover it if you can. And fill with craft/art bits bought in a pound shop. With a few chocolate cons scattered within.

What i sometimes do is think of a theme - pamper, craft, foodie, gardening etc. then buy as many inexpensive items in this theme as I can. Get some really pretty packaging and put together a basket or box or package of some sort for each person with a theme. It is obviously thoughtful and well considered but doesn't take too long nor is it expensive.

If you are a good cook you could nicely write out or type a favourite recipe and put the dry/storecupboard ingredients for it (probably baked goods though ive done it with curries and pasta dishes too) in a pretty gift bag. If funds permit a bottle of wine that complements but that's not essential. I've done this as housewarming presents but no reason it can't be for Christmas.

You sound lovely and very courageous to be making such a nice life for yourself and your DC. I hope you get some help with your anxiety.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/

Search out pound shops as you can get great stocking fillers in there. Homemade is good and very much appreciated by people.
Write your list and budget ( I like to see it all on paper ) and take a deep breath !
Good luck.

Also try freecycle, you will be amazed what people give away for nothing and sometimes you can pick up good stuff still unopened or barely used in its boxes.

Hi milk sorry probably not any help at all but just wanted to say that I feel your pain with the whole anxiety thing - I have suffered for many years but have 'managed' things by myself up until this point but recently realised it's been getting quite bad so have seen gp and been referred for assessment for cognitive behavioural therapy (I am a bit worried to start any medication). Anyway yes exactly the same as you -really indecisive on things and then I do things like buy things, return them then decide I do want them after all so rebuy them by which time they're more expensive or out of stock!also if something needs doing I hate waiting to do it (eg.my friend said that the dress code for nye party is festive jumpers so I had to go out there and then and buy them as I'd have stressed out if I had to add it to my 'to do' list).
Anyway as for presents for friends- I think you and the kids must take priority,if you have recently left an abusive relationship then this Xmas should be a celebration of your freedom. I'm sure people will understand given your situation that you can't afford to buy them lavish gifts. For your niece/nephews how about just a selection box each and joint DVD (lots of newish releases for £10 on amazon).also as a pp has said how about vouchers for your time (for example you could offer a nights free babysitting or an oven clean or something along those lines -I'd love someone to properly clean my oven for me!).
Try setting yourself a time limit - for example that by the end of the week you will have completed your Xmas shopping, wrap it all and then don't give it another thought-whatever you have got by that point will have to do.wrap it and then you won't be as tempted to change your mind.after that try and spend some time doing nice Christmassy things with the kids (don't have to cost anything-eg we always take the kids to see the christmas lights in a local street which is famous for its christmas lights!).
Anyway I wish you and your family a wonderful and enjoyable christmas.

Thank you everyone for the fab suggestions (and the handholding).

I am pleased to say I have made some progress . I have reserved some things from argos, all were half price or on a deal. My DSis has asked that we don't buy for each other's DC as we are both skint. I think I will still get a little something for her. She used to wear a love necklace that broke and I've found a similar one on eBay for a few pounds.

That just leaves DS's bag (which I may ask for help on finding on the bargain thread) and a few stocking bits for the DC as they're not getting much and it will bulk it out for not much money, and a couple more things for DD's birthday. DF has asked for a voucher so just need to think of something for his birthday.

I'm still feeling anxious about the things I've reserved but I need to just go and get them and try my best to forget about it as I'm going to make myself ill if I keep stressing to this extent.

Thank you Rosvita, I very much relate to everything you have said. Often when I have decided against buying something I go home and agonise over it for days about whether I should have bought or not. I used to think I was just indecisive but I'm beginning to realise that other people don't stress to this level over the minutiae of daily life in the same way. I'm reluctant to try medication as well but it's definitely time to see someone about this.

Thank you to everyone for your help and suggestions, it's really helped me to see things a little more clearly and be a bit more decisive .

I am not sure how old your younger dc are but M&S have got 50% off books at the mo.

There is a lovely small Night before Christmas book reduced from £1 to 50p. It would make a lovely stocking filler or gift teamed with some chocolate.

Oh Milk please do speak with somebody about your anxiety, it's the hardest thing to do (I've been there) but you'll feel better for making the move to start tackling it.
Make an appointment and take somebody with you if you can, if my husband hadn't have been there to sit in the waiting room with me I think I would have bolted, I felt sick, dizzy, faint. Once I got into the room (I went in by myself) I sat down and cried. The sheer relief though...

Anxiety is a bugger and manifests itself in the horriblest of ways. Christmas will be lovely for your children because they are with you, and you're out of a damaging relationship, the future is looking good.

Can you make a voucher for your son and offer to go shopping for a bag in the sales? Then he can choose what he really wants and you might get it cheaper too.

As a nice but low cost gift I printed out a photo of my dc (I used the machine in Tesco you can Bluetooth from your phone) and bought cheap but nice frames. Two large pictures were a pound and the frames were around £3 each, the grandparents will love it and it didnt break the bank.

Hi Milk, glad you are making some progress and just had to say that I so do this too - Often when I have decided against buying something I go home and agonise over it for days about whether I should have bought or not Also yes worry/over analyse everything in everyday life. An example, when ds came home with a letter from school saying for £3 they had the opportunity to see santa in school time prior to the xmas fayre starting Ifound it really stressful deciding whether to do it or not (if he did and others didn't would they think my ds babyish for visiting santa/if he didn't and others did would he be left out)etc etc.

Go collect those things from Argos, wrap them and forget about them until the big day!