Christmas present pile wobble

[CreamyCooler]

I have 3 sons aged 25, 15 and 13. This is the first year the 25 year old has lived away from home. He works full time earning 21k a year. I'm having a wobble on his presents and are they way too small compared to his brothers. I've brought him a jumper, rain Mac to wear walking to work, lots of chocolate, some light weight shoes, a French connection toiletry set with boxers and socks and a clothes horse which he asked for. His brothers have brought him a nice book and a newly released blue Ray which I have chipped in a bit for. All the stuff from me cost £70 (I got lots of good deals) but I have spent around £275 each on my younger 2. Last week I helped/brought my eldest son a ps4 and a massive tv which he will pay me back over the next 4 months in instalments.
Am I being massively unfair. Please be honest. I can't remember getting much when I was 25 but then I didn't have much younger siblings.

I think that sounds more than reasonable tbh! And he is more than old enough to understand that! You have the draw the line somewhere or you will have 30 year old kids expecting lots of gifts for them and any potential grand kiddies. I generally get money (£40ish) from my mum at christmas and maybe a book and socks to unwrap and that feels more than reasonable (I'm 31)

Thankyou, that has helped.

I think that sounds fine too. In fact it sounds a lovely set of presents.

I was gutted when my mum started buying me grown up gifts when I was just 13 starting with a hairdrier, a couple of years later I got two pieces of luggage . I just got one of them out this year to use and it was the first time I appreciated it properly and I'm mid 30s now!

It's nice hearing from people in their 30's because my son is 25 and this is his first grown up Christmas where he visits us rather than live with us.

I think that's plenty for the eldest. I'm 25 and for the past few years my mum took me shopping for some new clothes for Christmas which used to be around £40/£50. It was great as I have young DCs so most spare money goes on them.

Your younger DCs need you to pay for everything as they don't have a wage to buy things they want whereas your eldest does so IMO its fine that they will get more. If they were all earning then it wouldn't be fair but as it stands I'd say its fine.

your a lovely mum op im 26 and havent had presents off my mum in a veryyyyy long time when my children grow up i will allways be like you and buy them presents still :)

Arr thank you ladies. I just wasn't sure if I was doing it right.

All lovely, thoughtful gifts. You could the cineworl christmas box as a little treat if you are having a wobble:

www.cineworld.co.uk/mobile/offers/283

I agree, that sounds lovely . By 25, my mum & dad were probably spending around £40 on my present.

I don't think that a grown man of 25 with his own job and decent income would expect to get that much to be honest!

Thank you. I actually did the cineworld gift box for my DH last Christmas as I thought it very good value ( plus I got to go on the night out and scoff all the food and drinks that you get vouchers for). Thanks again.

I'm in my thirties and agree that I wouldn't expect my parents to spend more than 40 quid on me at Christmas.

However, my brother is also in his thirties and they spend a lot more on him and tbh that unequal treatment does piss me off. So I'd ensure you set a precedent and ensure you treat the younger ones in the same way once they leave home.

Hello, first time post from a long term lurker!

I'm 26 and thought you might appreciate my thoughts on the matter. I moved out at 18, so a different scenario to you and your son's, but from the point I started earning my own money - late teens - I wanted to treat my mum (single parent family) as much as she spoilt me, but in proportion to my salary. Do you think he might splurge on you this Christmas, now that he's earning?

At this stage, I spend about £200 on my mum for Christmas and birthdays. She still spends a bit more on me but we both like to treat each other on special occasions. We never had a conversation about it but it seem to have ended up this way. That said, when things have been tight for one of us we generally know about it so aren't expecting mountains of gifts. And we've talked about the fact that when I have children, they will be the present recipients rather than me, so I definitely have no expectations of piles of gifts for me and my brood in the future.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is perhaps talk to your son and explain that now he has left home and is earning his own money, you hope he understands that he won't receive as much as he did previously. He will be expecting it, I'm more than sure, but it might take the pressure off him if he is feeling like he is expected to match you price-wise for gifts now he's moved out of home and earning.

I hope that all makes sense, HTH x

Yes very good points both of you thank you. He is very generous, he spends about £30 to £40 on his brothers and I tell him not to. I hope he doesn't spend to much this year so think I will have a chat. Luckily like a lot of men he doesn't shop until a few days before Christmas.