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Christmas

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Original poster

WIBU to refuse to give my sibling cash gifts?

17 replies

OddFodd · 26/11/2013 16:21

We are all in our 40s. One of them has emailed to say she wants cash contributions towards a new handbag and her DH would like Amazon vouchers. Other one has said that they would like a contribution towards renovations.

I would like to reply by suggesting that perhaps we should just give presents to the kids this year rather than swapping cash. It just seems a bit pointless to me

OP posts:
3bunnies · 26/11/2013 16:44

It does all seem rather futile. Different if it is a well thought out gift, even if just a token but a straight exchange of cash is a bit silly, unless of course they are likely to give you more than you would give them!!!!

CaptainSweatPants · 26/11/2013 16:45

Yanbu

Money towards stuff?? Entitled much?!

WaitMonkey · 26/11/2013 16:47

You would be unreasonable to go along with this. What a stupid idea. I would assume hope, they would be sending you the same amount, so there really isn't any point. Hmm

DisneyAddict88 · 26/11/2013 17:11

i would suggest just buying gifts for the children, they can then save their money towards other things!

Original poster
OddFodd · 26/11/2013 17:19

I was going to suggest we club together to buy a goat or something but not sure how well that would go down Grin

I might screw my courage to the sticking place then (may need Wine ) and suggest that we don't do a silly cash swap

OP posts:
SilkStalkings · 26/11/2013 17:48

We just do a bottle of something £20ish for grown up couples.

ShatnersBassoon · 26/11/2013 17:56

Yanbu. Why bother? Suggest you give up exchanging presents then they'll have the money they would have spent on you to put towards their purchases.

I don't think this sort of arrangement is in the spirit of things at all. A small surprise is so much nicer than a large pre-arranged transaction.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 26/11/2013 17:59

I usually ask for money towards something but that's because family refuse to give up on the idea of gift giving for adults. I would happily just do presents for the kids but if we have to keep up with the adult gift sharing i would rather have a voucher or cash.

ShatnersBassoon · 26/11/2013 18:19

It's so pointless. Why do adults go through with these joyless, thoughtless, tit-for-tat exchanges?

Original poster
OddFodd · 26/11/2013 18:23

Is there no gift that would please you ifcats?

I use Xmas to buy house/couple gifts generally and birthday presents are personal which means its particularly irksome for my sister to ask for cash for them as individuals.

OP posts:
TheDayOfMyDoctor · 26/11/2013 18:28

We scrapped gifts for siblings a while ago - it was all getting so joyless. I like choosing gifts for people, it's half the fun. Strictly gifts for children now and a bottle of wine/chocs for grown ups.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 26/11/2013 19:40

Yes no gifts would be fine with me. DH has a large family and the gift spend averages at £25 each for b/days or Xmas. When there are 12 people to buy for that adds up to a lot.

Original poster
OddFodd · 26/11/2013 20:28

£25/each?! Blimey that's loads! I/we don't spend that much - maybe £25-30 a couple (although I'm single but I don't expect them to spend double on me).

I'm girding my loins to send the email ... eek!

OP posts:
3bunnies · 26/11/2013 20:52

Well if you are only going to get half the amount they might it seems unfair. I know that if you were in a relationship then they probably would give to your oh but why should you give 15 pounds each in cash so 30 per couple but only get 15 back. It makes the transaction seem a bit onesided. It is different if you are giving gifts as you buy to suit the person and I might see a perfect gift for a friend for 15, they see a perfect gift for me worth 10 but we are both happy as we have lovely gifts.

I think in the email I would make it about them and their gift choices - so 'as you both are wanting to put money towards things maybe this would be a good time to think about using our own money to buy our presents to save too many transactions, but I hope you will think of me each time you use your handbag/ look at the renovations as I will think of you both each time I read my book on gift etiquette

Original poster
OddFodd · 26/11/2013 21:14

I've never really thought about it 3bunnies - sometimes they give me presents which have obviously cost me loads. And we stay at one another's houses sometimes/look after each others kids etc. All comes out in the wash

Anyway, I sent the email and handbag sister agreed it was a good idea. Phew! :)

Glad I started this thread otherwise I'm not sure I'd have had the balls otherwise

OP posts:
zebdee · 26/11/2013 23:07

I'd give up or maybe do a token gift secret Santa for fun

3bunnies · 26/11/2013 23:18

Glad we helped and I know what you mean about give and take, I guess it just seems different when it is a straight financial transaction. For me part of the 'cost' of a gift is the thought behind it, I enjoy finding gifts I think someone will like and I don't sit and think about who spent more on the gift. I guess though if it is just vouchers and I gave you £10 and you gave me £15 it would feel different than if they were gifts of the same value. Wierd isn't it? Glad you are half way sorted. Next to negotiate birthdays!

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