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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

Hundreds of wasted pounds

79 replies

Pinkpinot · 23/11/2013 08:42

I love Christmas
I love my family
But presents I buy just get wasted
Last year we bought some carefully thought out lunches/pamper day/ wine tasting
All of the offers expired
I found a bag, 6 months later, of little things that I had given my cousins in my mums. Been there since Christmas

I feel like I don't want to bother

OP posts:

Belize · 23/11/2013 09:39

John Lewis vouchers are fab if you are of a certain age ! I would be very happy with that.

Lunch at Claridges though??? Bloddy hell I would have been booking that the next day!

Crumbelina · 23/11/2013 09:42

Those gifts sound lovely, OP and I'd be booking the lunch for the next day as well!

What ungrateful people. It's not exactly difficult to pick up the phone and find a free lunchtime/hour or two.

cafebistro · 23/11/2013 09:42

I find that really ungrateful. I mean how much organising does a lunch take or a beauty treatment . I would love to be given lovely presents like these.
Save your money. Buy for the children in the family.

WitchOfEndor · 23/11/2013 09:46

Don't buy them anything, they have told you not to! I've said the same to my Mum, but she insists on getting us something so then I have to rack my brains to come up with something that won't be a complete waste of money!

Since the children came along I do the same with my DB, except I will make him a large slab of tablet because I know he will appreciate it and it costs me less than a fiver to make. My DM does get M&S vouchers because she will love going into the sales for bargains and I'll do her tablet and a small Xmas cake too, but really if the adults have said no gifts then don't bother.

specialsubject · 23/11/2013 09:48

so stop buying useless stuff and vouchers. I would hate a 'pamper day' and I'm not alone, and some other people don't like wine.

give to charity and send a card saying what you have done. They and the planet will thank you.

bigkidsdidit · 23/11/2013 09:49

They've told you not to buy for them. So don't! Children only - nice hand made cards for the rest?

smellylittleorange · 23/11/2013 09:50

Hardly

smellylittleorange · 23/11/2013 09:54

Hardly 'useless stuff' special subject op has already explained the gifts were chosen for the recipient thoughtfully and it is just organisation that stops them using. Vouchers are usually excellent presents esp ones that support local businesses like beauty salons.

Damnautocorrect · 23/11/2013 09:57

I'm in the same boat. May as well have sent a turd in a box

Springcleanish · 23/11/2013 09:57

We wine exchange with my parents. we chose six bottles for them through the year, they choose six for us. We all try something new, it gets enjoyed and we try and do something different with the packaging each year to personalise it. Works for us perfectly.

RubyGoat · 23/11/2013 09:58

I can see why you're annoyed, OP! Those sound like lovely presents & your family are clearly either very ungrateful or severely disorganized.

My Dsis got me a voucher for £25 off a facial a couple of years ago, I couldn't use it. I looked up the places that took the vouchers & the facial cost £75, plus an hours travel each way (I don't have a car). She knew I couldn't afford it. Our family just do presents for the kids now.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 23/11/2013 09:58

Depends on the person though, I've never had a beauty treatment / spa day in my life and have no desire to do so, the thought of being massaged makes my toes curl.

The ones we have let go are brewery tour (done one before, not terribly interesting) and golf lesson for DH (he plays about once every 10 years and isn't really into it). Also let go babysitting vouchers when DS was newborn, we really didn't want to go out in the evenings at that point. They didn't have an expiry to be fair as they were handmade, but never did get round to it.

It's the same with the DCs though, I try and ask the family just to buy one thing each for each DC but some of them arrive with sackloads of stuff which inevitably means it won't all get used, I do end up charity shopping lots of stuff after Christmas, as the DCs birthdays come soon after and our house is tiny.

Eastwickwitch · 23/11/2013 09:59

pink I wish I was your relative. They are fantastic, thoughtful experiences; for the recipients not to use them is so wasteful.
I suggest soap on a rope for the ungrateful lot.

lljkk · 23/11/2013 10:01

If I ask them, they'll all say "oh don't get anything for us, just buy for the kids"

then do that, sheesh! How much do they spend on you? I bet not as much.
It's great you're so generous but it puts an onus on them to spend as much on you, many would find that stressful.
I would buy adults something like £7 box of chocolate that can be shared & keep buying for kids as much as you are (no extra).

Original poster

Pinkpinot · 23/11/2013 10:03

It wasn't a pamper day it was a massage voucher
And she's a v girly girl and loves pampering. I knew she wouldn't be able to wangle a whole day, I appreciate that's difficult, but an hour for a massage?
I wouldn't buy a pamper day for someone that hates it, or a wine tasting for someone that hates wine. You've got to know your audience.
My dad loves whiskey, he just never got round to booking it

My mum used her champagne tea with her girlfriends, she wouldn't let it go to waste!

They haven't told me not to buy for them, I said if I asked them what they wanted they would say buy for the kids, it seems like an impolite thing to ask for what you actually want!
But they still buy for us

OP posts:

lotsofcheese · 23/11/2013 10:05

Wow, I'm shocked at how personally some posters take it when the recipient doesn't use their Xmas gift!

If recipients are saying not to bother, then don't.

If you've agreed to swap presents, ASK what they'd like. Or enclose a gift receipt.

It's that simple.

lljkk · 23/11/2013 10:15

I would buy dad whiskey, buy the massage person smellies, etc.

DH's family buy us lots of vouchers. We don't have the right shops in town so have to find time to make a special journey (35 miles roundtrip) to go use the vouchers & then I stand there confused because I'm not good at spending money, especially on myself. They mean so well, but I have been known to give the gift cards away rather than face the hassle of it. Even if it's a shop we do have in town (like Boots). I just go in there and think "Well that's not good value for money & that's not my usual product so I don't know if I'll like it and if I get that it's £3 over the voucher value so is it really worth £3 to me or could I buy my usual product for cheaper?" etc.

Or I forget about the vouchers, they fall behind a cabinet, etc.

kiwidreamer · 23/11/2013 10:20

I think the OP gave nice, thoughtful gifts/vouchers and it really sucks that her presents weren't used, I felt shitty when I opened the guest bathroom drawer at my MILs (in NZ on holiday) and found a bunch of the nice Clarins and Elemis things I've sent her over the years, unopened unused, while she continues to use supermarket stuff in her bathroom... I just don't get it!!! But it was a lesson to me not to go down that route, now we just send them a case of wine the week before xmas and its appreciated and consumed over the holiday period and jobs a good 'un!

So I guess the lesson for OP is just stick with things that are nice, that you wouldn't buy yourself very often, are practical but don't put too much thought into it... leather / cashmere gloves for everyone this year!!!

Downfall · 23/11/2013 10:25

3littlefrogs I like your style. That's exactly how I'm training raising my boys. I cant bear the though of them as adults begrudgingly shoving 3 for 2 bath salts in a gift bag for me.

They will know that on my birthday flowers and at xmas chocolates will suffice, and an afternoon of their time. Preferably taking me to get squiffy at lunch

Original poster

Pinkpinot · 23/11/2013 10:42

I think I'll just ask seriously what they and kids want/need
And if they don't tell me, then I'm not bothering

I think I'm just a bit upset because I think they think we can afford to lose this money, and that's not the case at all
I have no problem with someone returning a gift, or regifting but I guess you can't really do that with a whiskey voucher

OP posts:

VworpVworp · 23/11/2013 11:10

The problem is, if it only is valid for 6 months, people can't use them!

We moved house 6 months ago- I realised yesterday I had spent 10 minutes, honestly just 10 minutes in this house alone, on my own

People have lives going on, they can't always fit in an hour here, a whisky tasting there!

MIL got us restaurant vouchers last christmas- we still haven't used them!

Mnyoucleverboyandremember · 23/11/2013 12:02

The presents all sound lovely- I wish I was in your family.

I know it's about the giving not receiving, but what do they all get you? Do they put as much thought and effort into your gifts? If not, save yourself the trouble, buy yourself a massage and lunch at Claridges and give them wine/chocs.

LIZS · 23/11/2013 12:11

or buy them vouchers for somewhere they go anyway . May not feel as special but £20 off their usual hair salon would be more likely to get used whether for a cut , treatment or products.

chanie44 · 23/11/2013 12:48

I'm very practical, so I ask people what they want rather than trying to second guess them.

Sil has asked for particular brand of perfume and I'd rather get her the one she wants than trying to guess. Likewise, I'd much rather be given a £5 tub if my favourite moisturiser than £10 one I wouldn't use.

Most people I know have been affected by the credit crunch one way or another, so I am greatful for anything I receive, but unless it's something I really need or want, it is just clutter.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 23/11/2013 16:06

I seem to get bought these experience things a lot - they are related to my interests but I am not interested in doing the experience iykwim?

So the whiskey tasting - I enjoy a drink, but I would feel like a tool standing in a bar on my own having some bloke tell me all about what I am sipping on. Not to mention having to go to town/ take time off work/ arrange childcare for the pleasure.

My lil sis is a girlie girl as you describe - she was bought a massage and facial session. To use it she had to find childcare and book around shifts - she went - but the logistics of dropping DC and sorting shifts resulted in a pretty pointless massage - she did not feel relaxed afterwards!

Sorry OP, but if this is something that happens a lot - your gifts being unused - then I wpiuld say you are buying people things you think they would, or should like, rather than what they really want. They may just really want a box of biscuits, some decent shampoo, or nothing at all. Its you throwing your money away not them. Sorry.

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