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Christmas

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Original poster

School friends and parents- christmas presents??

27 replies

picturehook · 21/11/2013 08:16

Wondering what is the best thing to do about school friends and christmas presents? DC is six and last year (reception) wasn't really an issue as whilst she played with lots of children, hadn't developed close friendships so she just gave out cards. This year, there are 4-5 children- boys and girls- who she has developed stronger friendships with and sees a bit outside I school.

Trouble is, I don't know what is the done thing with Xmas pressies? Do I just leave alone and stick with cards? Or will presents be expected? Should I keep a few gifts in reserve just in case she is given anything? If so I would love some suggestions of easy, inexpensive presents welcomed by most 5-6 year olds...

Just to complicate it further, I am fairly friendly with the parents of these children. But not close enough to ask directly whether they will be doing presents. One of the mums particularly I am worried will not only do presents for DD but possibly also me too. However I can't really afford to reciprocate to several sets of parents (we already set strict limits within the family and, for example, buy for nieces and nephews but not siblings so to be buying gifts for school acquaintances seems wrong...

Arggghh the school playground is a minefield!

OP posts:
popcornpaws · 21/11/2013 08:50

No advice as such, but your post brought back memories of when my daughter was at primary school and I was in the exact same position.
I (and the other parents) ended up buying presents for around six years, and it included birthdays then easter, then gifts brought back from holidays…
It was ridiculous, but no one would put an end to it!

bigTillyMint · 21/11/2013 08:50

We never did presents for friends - just cards, which is bad enough!

bigTillyMint · 21/11/2013 08:51

Yes, don't let it start in the first place!

girlywhirly · 21/11/2013 08:54

I would just do cards. The other parents may be glad not to have to buy loads more gifts, especially if they have more than one child needing gifts for all their friends. Unless you are good friends with the parents, and have known them for a long time you shouldn't feel obliged to do gifts. Also childhood friendships can and do change as they develop different hobbies and interests. If my DS was invited to a birthday party, he would take a gift for the birthday child, but they didn't get a Christmas gift.

I'm not sure why you can't raise the subject in a general chat about Christmas, and then ask what people have done in the past and what they are planning now. Pick the most approachable parent you know in the playground to ask.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 21/11/2013 08:54

We did cards with the occasional tiny toy/gift to fit inside the envelope, and they took in bags of sweets to give out on their own birthday which was a lovely tradition. (When we moved I was disappointed that this isn't universal.)

Iwaswatchingthat · 21/11/2013 09:01

I would stick with cards. Birthdays are enough. They will get tons at Christmas anyway. Don't start something which you have to end!!! Birthdays will naturally run their course as parties dwindle, then your dc can decide themselves which friends they want to buy birthday and Christmas presents for.

exexpat · 21/11/2013 09:02

We've never done presents for school friends, and DS never did cards either, but DD's class seems to have the habit of nearly everyone doing little cards for each other. Luckily she's been old enough to do them all herself for a few years now, but at 6 your DD may need help with writing them all.

If DD brought home Christmas presents from classmates, my heart would sink as I would feel obliged to reciprocate. Don't do that to other parents!

Original poster
picturehook · 21/11/2013 09:19

Thanks all. I am really keen to avoid if at all possible, just wasn't sure what was the norm. I could certainly bring up a general christmas conversation and perhaps angle it towards the topic of presents just would find it awkward to ask directly. I have a couple of close friends (not school related) who I was able to say to outright that we wouldnt be buying for and please don't buy for us etc but with people I don't know as well it sounds a bit presumptuous.

The parent I am worried about is a lovely woman who is generous to a fault. For instance if she heard someone talking about a favourite chocolate bar she would rock up the next day and present them with one. She is very kind and I think she may buy for a few of us when it's really not necessary.

OP posts:
Iwaswatchingthat · 21/11/2013 09:22

If you want to show some festive cheer, but not go down the gifts route, then why not plan a little end of term bash. Most soft plays do a reduced rate for groups with a little meal and a party bag.

Iwaswatchingthat · 21/11/2013 09:23

Obviously everyone would pay for their own child's entry, but it would still be a nice start to the hol and a way to celebrate their friendships and yours.

TheXmasLogIn · 21/11/2013 09:26

The last few years DD has put a chocolate coin inside the cards of her friends. Only the good friends she regularly plays with though as she usually writes cards to practically every other child in the school! That was her idea though, DS just ate all his coins himself Grin

This year she has made a friendship bracelet for her one best friend. Actually they have both made one for each other together, at our house last week. Its totally child led though, needing to buy an extra set of gifts isn't something I want to encourage.

Idespair · 21/11/2013 09:28

You could get some really small items such as a key ring with a character they like in them and keep them in reserve in case you receive presents?

Original poster
picturehook · 21/11/2013 09:32

Thanks- great idea for a christmas get together. Will have a think about that. Chocolate coins in card also a nice idea. If I was to get a few bits in case they would have to be inexpensive so keyrings a possibility.

I didn't even think about this dilemma before...

OP posts:
Iwaswatchingthat · 21/11/2013 09:33

Box of emergency kids crackers of after get together???
Kids love crackers and live tat.
You can get 6 at tesco for a fiver.

Iwaswatchingthat · 21/11/2013 09:33

for after get together

Iwaswatchingthat · 21/11/2013 09:34

love tat

Live tat might be a bit much!!!

LadybirdsAreFab · 21/11/2013 09:38

Someone on one of the other threads said they tied a small greeting onto a sweetie candy cane and this was given to her class mates. This is what I plan to do instead of cards.

DowntonTrout · 21/11/2013 09:39

In all my years with DCs in primary, this has never happened. We have never done christmas gifts for school friends and I wouldn't be getting stressed about whether someone will, or not. They most likely won't.

At DDs last school they did put little chocolate gifts in cards ( santa lolly, freddo frog, candy cane etc) for the others in their class though. ( small class of 12)

magichamster · 21/11/2013 09:43

We've never done cards for school friends or parents, although I like the idea of sticking a chocolate coin in cards of special friends.

If you want some emergency presents why not just get a couple of selection boxes (our tescos is doing them 3 for £3 at the moment) and a tin of biscuits. Then if you don't need them you have them for your christmas.

PantsInWash · 21/11/2013 09:46

Like DowntonTrout this never came up for our DCs in primary school - our minefield was the presents for teachers, but that's a whole other thread.

For the children, they had a postbox in school where they could put their cards and that was it. As DD has grown older she has done things like bought a chocolate bar fro her pocket money for her best friend(s), or made brownies and taken them into school, but that's only happened in secondary where their friendship circle has shrunk a bit.

If the lovely generous woman wants her children to give the others presents, then that's her decision and try not to feel guilty about not reciprocating. As others have said, if you start this now, you'll never be able to stop

DowntonTrout · 21/11/2013 09:51

Absolutely ^ if the generous woman wants to give you something, fair enough. But I think you are over thinking this.

Gifts are not reciprocal. Some people get pleasure from giving and are just thoughtful. Which is lovely but does not mean you are under obligation to give back.

WaitMonkey · 21/11/2013 13:29

I agree with everyone else. Christmas is stressful enough, without buying for classmates.

moldingsunbeams · 21/11/2013 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArtyFartyQueen · 21/11/2013 13:35

We normally put a little treat inside the Christmas card (chocolate coin, snowman etc) and/or maybe make some fudge for the family. We don't normally receive anything back but I like to give a little something and its nice to encourage the children to think of others too! Last year though, instead of giving presents, we invited a few of DD's friends back after school broke up and had a little Christmas tea which was lovely and was nice to socialise with the parents too!

50ShadesofXmas · 21/11/2013 17:29

If you can get to an asda, they do cadburys festive friends (like animals but Santas etc) a box for £1 or iced biscuits and chocolate teddies in red boxes for £1, that's what I'm getting ds's 6 close friends!

As for the mum, a standby present may be nice, perhaps you could make her a cake or bake something Christmassy?

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