My first Christmas since separating from Husband

[MadMummyB]

Hello there
I was just wondering if anyone out there has advice on how to get through Christmas having to "share" a child with the other parent if they are separated.
This is my first Christmas like this. My ex and I have 50/50 custody of my 4.5 yr old son. The plan was for him to be at mine Xmas Eve and then on Christmas lunchtime ish for hubby to collect him.
I was getting in a pickle about not being able to do the whole day,(xmas dinner,crackers etc) with my little one, so have decided to make our whole Christmas day on 24th.
I then tohught how hard it will be for my ex waking up on his own Xmas morning without little one - so wondered if I should offer for him to go over tea time on 24th.
I know this thought wouldn't have been reciprocated if it was the other way round, but I can't help thinking how I would feel if the boot was on the other foot so was just wondering if anyone has any experience of this and what works best on a year by year basis.
Thanks so much

Sorry it's going to be a hard year this year, but hopefully a routine will soon sort itself out.

I think your sentiment is lovely, but if you are doing Christmas Day on Christmas Eve for your son, then I think he should be there for all of it, including bedtime, otherwise you will miss out on having him a whole day yourself. Perhaps your ex could pick up your son a bit earlier on Christmas Day, after breakfast maybe.
I hope it all goes well and you have a lovely festive season.

Before you start offering to change things you have to think about how you want to spend it next year
Would you be happy having him Xmas day after lunch until boxing day? If yes then leave it as it is

I agree with Captain - think about next year too. I'm on my 2nd Christmas having to share my DCs. Me and XH agreed to share Christmas days as I can't bear the thought of one year on/one year off which some couples do.

So last year he had Xmas eve all day and Xmas morning with me collecting at 11am. I had Xmas lunch, Boxing Day, and 27th, then he had a couple more days. So this year I've got the opposite. Looking forward to doing Santa with my DC but feeling gutted I then won't get my Christmas lunch with them and grandparents until 3 days late. But you have to accept that children want time with both parents and I will just have to grit my teeth through it.

Ironically, my XH has never offered to share NYE, so guess who's stuck home with the kids (again) and who's out partying?!

Firstly, I have been there, my DS was only 3 on the first christmas after we seperated, and it isn't easy but it will be fine :-) and you'll find a way through.

My DS and I stayed with my parents over xmas so I had plenty to keep us distracted - is this something you could do, with friends or family?

I admire the way you still have enough of a friendship with your ex to contemplate inviting him over, my exH and I had a messy divorce.

DS is now 7 and this is the second time that he has been with my exH on Xmas Eve (6pm) - Xmas Day (4pm).

The first time DS was 4 and we did Christmas Day on Xmas Eve in our house which in hindsight was selfish on my part as my DS could have got very confused but luckily he was still young enough to not notice.

The last two years he's been with me and my DP until 4pm Xmas Day til 6pm Boxing Day - my ExH decision to fit in with his new family's routine etc.

I'm still deciding what to do this year as Christmas is very important to me and my DS has openly said to us that he wants to be at home, not at his Dad's but I know it will be a nightmare trying to explain this to his Dad without him flying off the handle. One to deal with in two years me thinks.

Anyway, I agree with the other poster that you should think carefully about how your decisions for this year could affect next year when both of your circumstances may be very different i.e. you could have another partner and possibly other children in the mix which would make sharing time at christmas together difficult.

I have explained to my DS that Santa knows that he won't be at his normal home on Christmas Day so he makes another special delivery on Christmas night for all those children with two sets of parents and that we will have christmas a day later this year.
I try to think of it that my DS has two Christmas Day's which must be every child's dream!

We do lots of special things on Xmas Eve and I don't want to not do them this year so we will just postpone them for 24 hours.

I get myself in such a tiz about it all but I have to remind myself that it is just a date on the calendar and it doesn't matter when you decide to do those special things, just that you do them.

Your DS will be happy no matter what. And there's always mulled wine to carry you though lol!