How to teach bad present buying DP a lesson

[FizzyPink]

I want to teach DP a lesson for all of the crap/non existent presents he's bought me. I want to not buy him anything for Christmas but I enjoy present buying too much and this is a little mean.

For my 21st I booked a hotel, dinner in a fancy restaurant etc. because I knew there was no chance of him planning anything. I had told him I wanted a specific bracelet and would like to choose it myself but would have appreciated something little to unwrap in the morning. I was presented with.....a rubber duck. I don't even like ducks!! This genuinely upset me as he hadn't put any thought into it at all. When I quizzed him about it his answer was he didn't know what to buy me. I'm sorry but I never have money to buy anything for myself and am always dropping hints about things I like, scented candles, cushions etc.
So for his 21st I went all out on presents, surprise party, cake etc.

Now starting to get a bit sick of always putting in the effort and getting nothing in return. I've tried to tell him about this and all he says is oh I really do try.

Some people are lovely but just shit at buying pressies. If your DP is like my DP and one of these people then don't start playing games - just make a list and give it to them and say "do you want to buy that for me or shall I buy it and you give me the money?"

Hints are no good.

If you want a perfect present buying guy - then ditch him and find one. But bet he's shit at something else.

It's hard. I would definitely counsel against not buying for him at christmas, that would make it ok for him to not bother for you in the future (and two wrongs don't make a right!)

If he's a decent guy who genuinely cares for you, try to talk about it calmly. My dp was terrible about presents when we first got together, he grew up in a family where no one put in any real effort around presents. It took a while, but he eventually understood that it made me feel like he didn't value me, now he tries. In truth, he's still not very good, but least he gets me a present (in advance and wrapped), and he's tried to think of something I'll like (but it's always a boxset!).

This year there is a piece of jewellery I want, so.I've asked him if I could buy it from our joint finances and.he could give me it for christmas. Everyone's a winner.

Give him a list, being specific so rather than just saying chocolate and flowers (as an example) tell him specifically your favourites are red roses and lindt.

Or if there is something in particular that you like ask for vouchers for the shop that sells it, that way you can get the thing you like and he gets to know what you like better.

Speak to him about how it makes you feel, that him putting effort into the gift makes such a difference. My DH is rubbish at gift buying for me so i email him a list of things i want or need. He will now get me a couple of things on the list but often surprise me with something else as well. We also go shopping together and that way if he see's a shirt or something he wants then i will buy it for him & vice versa. It means that its not a surprise but it is something we either want, like or fits.

I agree to give him a list or maybe make an amazon wish list. Tell him that he doesn't need to buy all of the things and you don't mind if he finds something similar in different colour etc (if you don't mind and as long as you're not giving the list to others too). Or as I have done this year - say what you are wanting and go and buy it yourself - I wanted a sewing machine - he wouldn't know which one to get so I got it myself. I know I will be happy using it and much better that I chose it. I wouldn't have spent that much on myself usually and would probably have been annoyed if he had got me 3 things for £30 which could have gone towards the machine. I hope that you get (yourself) something lovely this year.

Sick of putting the effort in and not going anything back is fine. But really, you're an adult. Material present aren't the be all and end all. You say you drop subtle hints, but how subtle are they? I could spend 3 months before my birthday mentioning books I like the look of but DP wouldn't remember.

If presents are important to you then have a sensible talk with him about it. However, weighing up what he does and doesn't buy you is kind of like putting a 'value' on how much he loves you. Some people are just less interested in presents because they don't enjoy receiving them as much.

Have you considered that he is trying, in his own way? It's just you set a really, really high level?

Dh always buys his own presents then I wrap them, I'm rubbish at buying presents. He is great at buying presents and usually manages to find something for me that I love and I would never have thought of. Some people can, some can't. I'm rubbish, and not through lack of effort.

buy him a tutu, preferably in white not pink - wrap it up and don't smile when he opens it - don't even say a word and when he asks tell him you thought he would like it and wear it for chrimbo

Dh always buys his own presents then I wrap them, I'm rubbish at buying presents. He is great at buying presents and usually manages to find something for me that I love and I would never have thought of. Some people can, some can't. I'm rubbish, and not through lack of effort.

I don't think a rubber duck is a really really high level though unless it was some kind of in joke. I guess I got to the point where I felt that the waste of our money was worse than not having a surprise. He still gets a few thoughtful bits - generally a necklace and some chocolates but it has reduced the randomness of some of the presents.

My sis gives her DH the names of two or three shops and says "Anything from there" and asks him to keep receipts so she can exchange wrong sizes.

I give DH a list most years, he can then pick the things he likes, and I have a terrible memory so it's still something of a surprise!

The main problem for me is that he won't give me a list. He's bloody impossible to buy for! He's getting slippers this Xmas

Write him a list of things you would like and ask him to choose from it. I do this with my dh and I am never disappointed!

I download photos of about 10 things I like and then send it to his phone making sure the shop and price is clear on the pic. It means I get a surprise but it is still something I like! Have you told him how you feel? My dp used to make effort but get things that I hated or just did not need and it used to wind me up as it was a waste of money!

Hmmm sad that it bothers you so much. I would try and invest your efforts in chilling out about it to be honest.

I regularly email DH with links to things I want with voucher codes etc attached.

Still get a surprise when he gets it right !!

I think you have a DP you can't drop hints to. So how about this year you say to him "do you have a plan of something to get me for christmas or would you like some ideas?" then you could give him a long list so you don't know exactly which thing off hte list you are getting, but that you are getting something you'd like.

If he's loving and caring in other ways, just accept some people are crap at buying gifts, it doesn't mean they don't love you, just they can't do stuff.

I think you're right to be bothered, to be honest. Present buying isn't high art, it's just effort. Some people enjoy it more than others, but if even you do see it as a sacrifice/waste of your time.....that's not an excuse not to put some thought into it. If you have the resources and you see it's important to the person just bloody do it.