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Christmas

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Original poster

DS "smells a rat" re FC

35 replies

DocBrown · 08/11/2013 11:10

We were talking about Christmas and what he would like from Father Christmas the other day and he said "ummmm I smell a rat about that Mum". He is 9 and has not said as such that he doesn't believe but it is pretty clear that he doesn't.

My boy is growing up - now I just need help in getting him not to tell his brother (6). Any ideas?

OP posts:

originalpiratematerial · 08/11/2013 11:12

I made the appalling mistake of being straight with DS1 when he was about the same age and asked if there really was a Father Christmas so whatever you do - lie, equivocate, dissemble - don't tell him the truth!

fortyplus · 08/11/2013 11:19

At 9 he's more or less bound to know the truth but will be happy to go along with the magic. Keep playing the line that FC won't come if he doesn't believe. The whole putting up the stocking.mince pies for FC/carrot for reindeer all helps. DS1 was 11 or 12 when he gave me a big hug at bedtime on Christmas Eve and said 'Do you know mum, I think tonight I do believe in Father Christmas'. And that's the point, isn't it - a normal intelligent 12 year old doesn't believe on 364 days of the year!

Let him be part of the 'conspiracy' re his younger brother. It'll make him feel very grown up. If he's kind then he won't spoil it.

Morgause · 08/11/2013 11:21

He probably knows already so appeal to his better nature.

Don't lie and say FC is real, his friends at school with tease him horribly.

onetiredmummy · 08/11/2013 11:24

My ds is 8 and told me this summer from nowhere that he doesn't believe in FC. I told him the truth but let him into the conspiracy and he hasn't told his classmates or ds2. He will happily join in on conversations about FC and we can wink at each other and he feels so grown up.

Original poster

DocBrown · 08/11/2013 11:25

Yes I need him to at least play along with it as DS2 is a young six and totally believes. I was shocked when he said he smelt a rat and changed the subject - I didn't know what to say and was totally unprepared for an answer.

OP posts:

morethanpotatoprints · 08/11/2013 11:30

OP, my ds did the same at this age and I came clean, well me and dh did.
Last year we were chatting about his little sister she is 9 now and ds is 18.
He said he wished I'd kept it going for that year and let him find out the following year.
If he is only smelling a rat you can keep it up this year.

BigBadWolefPlum · 08/11/2013 12:32

I would spin it like a couple others have said - "If you believe, he still brings gifts" - If you get a stocking from DH etc you could say "I believe, and I get a lovely stocking".

My brother believed honestly untill he was 13 without question he's just completed a PHD in Biochemistry and Pharmaceuticology so it is one of the only areas he was slow in

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 08/11/2013 14:19

Its one of the most amazing things ever believing in FC so I would say keep it going for as long as you can!

makemineapinot · 08/11/2013 22:10

When ds said the same a few years ago I put on Miracle on 34th St and said he had to make up his own mind! He believed for another 2 years! Now he knows but likes being in on the secret for dd! Kero it going or put in the film and say he us ok'd enough to watch and decide! Keep the magic alive! Many 9 year olds still believe!

originalpiratematerial · 09/11/2013 08:20

My sister, who is child free but is a primary teacher, and so used to dealing with younger kids, says the best line to take is neither to confirm or deny but say "If you don't believe in him, he won't come and bring you presents!" - said in a kind of twinkly voice! Willing suspension of disbelief is the name of the game, I think.

notso · 09/11/2013 08:37

fortyplus that is so lovely it brought a tear to my eye!
I think you just have to be a bit vague, I say things like "If you still believe he will still come" and "believing keeps the magic going".

DS1 is 9 and I think he 'knows' but isn't letting on he knows just in case.
A few of his friends parents have IMO a lazy approach to FC which has made them sceptical.
I think he will be just as happy as DD 13 to go along with it though. She asked the other day if I got FC presents until my little sister stopped believing, I said yes. DD was thrilled as her youngest brother is only 19 months, so potentially she could be in her 20's and still keeping the magic going!

secretscwirrels · 10/11/2013 10:07

To my eternal regret I did this when DS1 was 6. He expressed doubts and I confirmed them. He was happy to conspire for DS2's benefit for many more years but in hindsight I realised he would have carried on "believing" if I had tried a bit harder.
I think by 9 they know though.

ZooTimeIsSheAndYouTime · 10/11/2013 10:19

We seem to have gone seemlessly from 100% believing when they were little to just quietly going along with it (probably for me). My dc are 12 and 15 so no illusions now although ds never seems in any great rush to part with things he's loved from when he was younger esp the notion of Father Christmas. They enjoy it, they get a bag of goodies which they love, and we've never had 'that chat' because for us I think discussing it at length would spoil it even now.

TheBuskersDog · 10/11/2013 10:24

A few of his friends parents have IMO a lazy approach to FC

oh no, yet another thing to judge parents on.

VashtaNerada · 10/11/2013 10:26

I'm not sure saying "If you don't believe he won't bring you presents" is very kind!! It would have devestated me as a child as you can't make yourself believe. With DD I say "nobody knows for sure, it's up to you to make up your own mind". Any further questions are met with "I don't want to spoil the magic now, do I?" and then wander off. You could equally try a coded "don't spoil the magic for your brother".

Rummikub · 10/11/2013 10:30

I had this from dd from 9 onwards. She has asked whether they teach parents about Santa at university (and she will be v cross if she finds out I've been lying!)

I felt uncomfortable straight out lying to a direct question so have adopted the neither deny nor confirm approach and say 'some people believe in God, others don't, no one knows for sure, same for Santa'

It's getting harder and harder to keep it up under scrutiny!

mousmous · 10/11/2013 10:39

I don't 'get' the lying about it.
dc figured it out around 4yo. and I'm sure told the whole class about it.
is happy to play along anyway and likes all the traditions, true or not.

Mitzi50 · 10/11/2013 10:43

My daughter twigged age 7 after hearing a talk about Operation Christmas Child at primary (her thinking being if Father Xmas existed he would give presents to poor children too). She didn't let on that she knew until she was about 10 in case the presents stopped!

I teach in lower primary and there are always a few doubters - I just say something along the lines of "if you believe in him, he exists". They are happy to suspend their disbelief and enjoy the build up without spoiling anyone else's fun.

Thingymajigs · 10/11/2013 10:55

I told my (then) 8/9 year old the truth about FC after he began asking direct questions. There were tears. Lots of them. He became quite depressed for a bit there and for months he kept on raising the subject saying that I should have kept on lying. He still gets upset about it and he's 10 so I would advise that you keep up the pretence and simply avoid questions.
We've finally reached a point where he has decided to believe just for Christmas because its fun but I did have to go through an 18 month long guilt trip first.

notso · 10/11/2013 10:59

I know, I know I sound like my judgey pants are up to my eyebrows!

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 10/11/2013 11:10

I think you have to judge it on your own child, some are very rational and practical and it confuses them to not understand this strange thing, my DD is rather like this, I feel this could be the last year of believe and she is 6. She doesnt really do dolls and imaginative play in that sense she is more working out how things work sort of gal.

i on the other hand was a totally carried away with the faries, and I did make myself believe after hearing he was wasn't real in the play ground from spiteful older children . I even made myself believe after seeing my mum filling up the stockings one night. I told myself she didn't need to do that because FC will do it , doesn't she get it?

If at those points some one had sat me down in the cold light of day in an adult way to shatter those illusions I would have been very depressed. Believing in FC was to me the most magical thing in a sometimes very bleak childhood.

MirandaWest · 10/11/2013 11:12

I'm not sure what DS who's nearly 10 thinks. Pretty sure he knows but neither of us is about to start the conversation I don't think. I got told when I was 10 (I knew definitely when I was 9 as I found receipts ) but I still cried .

ringaringarosy · 10/11/2013 12:22

I cant believe theres people on here with 10 yr olds,and they think they actually believe in christmas!of course they dont!

MirandaWest · 10/11/2013 12:44

I think on balance of probabilities he probably doesn't but also have DD who's 8 and I think definitely does so an wary of rocking the boat.

He was more dubious when he was 7 than he is now (probably means he doesn't believe now )

princessalbert · 10/11/2013 12:48

I think DS was a similar age when he found out.

it came about when he accused me of being The Tooth Fairy.

I figured he deserved to know the full truth about FC too

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