Elderly/Infirm relatives and Christmas dinner - what do you do?

[OnaPromise]

My dad has not been too good this year and is no longer able to walk. He can't come to my house because loads of stairs. He is moving to sheltered housing and it is tiny, there's no room for a table. Going out is a possibility, although that will be a huge faff and I'm not sure he'll want to be bothered, especially as he is conscious of being messy when he eats. He's not really interested in anything any more, but I can't leave him alone either. What can I do?

I remember my cousin used to drive round to his grandad and step grandmas house with two plates of Christmas dinner just dished up, and two puds. They used to warm them up in the oven (this was pre-microwaves) and eat at home. I wonder if you could do similar for your dad, I imagine he will want the company more than the food. I realise this will mean no alcohol for whoever drives. Could you pop back after lunch or organise some other relatives to call later, with some sandwiches and buffet bits to eat there at teatime, and you could join them? You wouldn't need to stay long and you could do 'shifts' so that you aren't all crammed in at once.

Have you asked your dad what he would prefer to do? Do you live close enough to take a xmas dinner over to him on a tray and keep him company while he has an early lunch, then go home to have a late lunch at home?

What the set-up in your house, is it that he can't even get into the house or only to certain rooms.

Last year DH carried my nan form the car into our house because of the steps.

Could you bring him round and he can just sit in one bit while he has his dinner then join you later?

Is there someone you can speak to at sheltered accommodation so that you make sure he's with somebody until you can get there and spend some time with him.

He's a bit non-comittal.

Yes it isn't too far I suppose we could go in the morning, do some present opening, give him some christmas lunch and then have our own dinner at home a bit later than usual. He will be allright with a party hat and a bit of trifle. He's got a friend who might come later on. Feel a bit more cheerful about it now, thanks.

We will get up at our house, do presents (won't take long at all as only one each for me and dh and maybe 6 for ds), then drive for 90min to my parents with dinner all prepared in cool boxes, put it on to cook there, do their presents, eat, then bring the dishes home again leaving them with some trifle etc.
My mum wouldn't notice if we didn't go as she has dementia, but I can't leave dad to have another microwave meal that she'll poke around.

In your case I'd go before lunch, and leave him with some nice bits for later

Bumping this, because I think it's an important issue.

We were considering how we would manage with elderly FIL if he could no longer climb the stairs at our house, although we have a downstairs loo. It involved putting a bed in the study and possibly getting a commode or camping loo for use in the night; and maybe a wheelchair ramp to help him get into the garden as the step there is a bit high. If he hadn't been able to manage 3hrs in the car we would have had to prepare all the food in advance and stay at his home, but even that might not have been possible due to the snow. Sadly he had his last Christmas at our home, but at least he was spared worrying about us travelling in bad weather and he would have been frantic.

I agree with CMOTD about the food, they all love a home cooked meal. I used to make 'ready meals' for FIL in microwavable plastic tubs which he could defrost and heat up in his microwave. Things like stews and cottage pies with veg in, they were always eaten before the commercially prepared ones!