Tell me the up side of spending Christmas with the ILs

[Suddengeekgirl]

I need a kick up the bum.

We are spending Christmas with MIL and her side this year. Fair enough - we've had Christmas with my side the last 2 years.

But I feel really disappointed that Christmas is now out of my hands.
I won't be able to cook what I want (like Christmas Eve gingerbread men with the dc) or do what I want. Dh and his mum didn't get on great last time she came to stay (he turned into a grumpy 16yo!) and generally I find it slightly overwhelming spending the day with 14 of them talking over each other, not listening (so repeating conversations endlessly) and wanting my dc to 'perform'.

Give me a kick up the arse and tell me why spending Christmas with the ILs will be lovely!

It won't be lovely, sorry. It sounds shit. Either decide to do some of what you want at their house anyway (making the gingerbread) and just breezily getting on with it, or say you'll see them before/after Christmas instead (could you go over Boxing Day or is it too far?)

Or just go, accept it'll be a bit rubbish, make it the best you can and be there as short a time as possible.

Tbh I'd try and stay at home - you're making memories for your kids now. Good or bad.

I agree it sounds horrible. I wouldn't do it. I make christmas at home. We see the MIL on the 27th, we only spend a few hours with my own mother, we fetch her up for christmas lunch, opening some gists and take her home again by 4pm.
You don't have to spend christmas with the outlaws- it's your christmas- do it your own way.

Don't say that google!

I need to be told by random Internet people that it will be fine! I'm in denial

It is too far to travel in one day and we need to be there Boxing Day for a significant anniversary too.

The dc are too small to worry about anything other than Santa and presents so even if I hate it they'll be ok.

I'd be quite happy having Christmas with just the 4 of us at home - I'm not even sad about missing my parents/ dsis.

At Lear this year BIL-to-be will be there - he thinks they're as nuts as I do! :)

Ugh, sounds like my dilemmas.
I'm heavily pregnant this year so don't have to go. THANK GOODNESS!! (Flight involved)
Last year ( my sons first Christmas) was not fun. In laws live in NI so we went for a week (never again).
Husband turns into a lazy teenager, sil and her kids rule the roost and no one gets a look in to anything unless it's approved by them, force feeding of food, presents opened at 9pm (our son goes to bed a 7pm so missed it), granny plays favourites with the sil kids (secret presents opened the day before we arrived - 4 year olds are not good at keeping secrets! Blatantly more presents and more fuss made of them). My son was oblivious thankfully as he was too young. (NB- this is an ongoing issue that I'm learning to deal with).

Oh, and we always get asked by the sil last minute to contribute a large sum of money to my husbands parents special present (trip away to an expensive castle hotel) - reason - 'they do so much for us'. Errr, hang on, they do fuck all for us, and so much for you, yes!
Blood is boiling thinking about it!!

I've decided that if we go again it will be for a shorter period, and I would prefer to have future Christmases at my house - going to play the 'easier at home with 2 kids' card.

This year we 'll be at my parents for one or 2 nights. Can't wait.

Advise for you- don't go!

Maybe I'm an old cynic but I don't really do anniversaries- significant or otherwise. If it's a contest between staying at home to make special family traditions on christmas eve for my children or giving up that to make sure I attend someone else's anniversary then it's a no brainer.

If your OH wants to attend the special anniversary I would let himgo on his own on boxing day.

I totally see the dilema but I think its only fair that you go tbh given that you've been to your parents previously for two years.

Generally on these threads, I always find it sad that people happily go to their parents and in laws before having kids and then basically stop once they have their own kids. I understand its about making your own memories etc but I'd feel like I'd used my family if I done that. (Different if there are practicality issues where one lives miles away etc). Plus a lot do parents looks forward to being grandparents and being involved on Xmas day.

I can understand its a pain if your inlaws are more difficult than you own family. We have the opposite situation here...my inlaws are fab but my family is huge and a nightmare! Still we go though as christmas is all about the whole family for me. You said yourself that your kids are young so will be fine.

I do think its fine if you want to make the decision to have Xmas at home but I do believe in fairness and I would feel very guilty giving my family the enjoyment of seeing the kids on christmas day and not my inlaws (or visa versa). So I'd make a decision that's fair on both...either alternate or none.

What about just going for Boxing Day? Or travelling down late christmas afternoon (if not too far)

It's just too far for a day trip - will be about 3.5h in the car. Can't make the kids spend best part of 7h in the car.

We've been to my parents and they've been here. The last 2 years as my dsis lived overseas so it seemed mean leaving them on their own. MIL has other dc etc nearby so wasn't alone. (Dh and FIL are rebuilding their relationship so Christmas there wasn't an option)

Anyhow it is fair if we see MIL etc. And the dc will like seeing her and their aunts/ uncles/ great GP etc.

The anniversary is a 50th or 60th (can you tell Im not big on anniversaries) wedding anniversary and is being made a big deal of. It can't be missed without causing serious trouble.

It's just me and maybe dh after 24h with his mum that is going to be a bit on edge.

Yes that is bit far! Think I'd agree then about preferring to stay at home :)

Ok - plus points:

• You don't have to cook the big meal.
• PIL can entertain your DS for a little while and allow you and your DH a lie in or an evening out.
• It's not your house getting Xmas trashed.

Did that help at all?

Find someone with flu a few days before and get your children to lick them.

I think you just have to accept that it is a couple of days out of your life. Do your gingerbread early.

It'll be great. Someone else cooking. Someone else cleaning their house in preparation. DC will be happy. Enough people there that you are not required to make polite conversation during silences.

Even better if they have a dog, you can helpfully take it for a walk, getting a bit of fresh air and time out. Or buy DC a scooter for same reason.

I got nothing
Only this

Just think how lovely the rest of the year will be in comparison.

Just "get sick" on Christmas eve. Seriously I would not go. Stay at home in your own house. Invite them to your house if you have to. I stay at home with my DH and kids on Christmas day, I got fed up a few years ago about the parents vs in laws battle and not enjoying my day with family politics etc. By trying to make everyone else happy I was having a shit Christmas myself. So I solved it by staying in my own house. Can you not travel down Boxing day and stay over?

That seems like a good compromise, travel to IL's Boxing day and stay overnight, travel back home next day. Remind DH why spending Christmas day was not much of a success last time, that it was so noisy and hectic etc and that you think only staying one night over 26/27th would be better. In fact you could plan to stay the overnight at a B+B or a travel Lodge which would give you 'space' away from the mayhem and be a mini adventure for the DC. That would mean you only spend part of one day with the IL's and can leave without delay next morning.

I've spent New Year with my IL (twice) but not Christmas,
Christmas is precious and family are welcome to come to me and will be spoiled - but NY , meh.

It's not an experience I want to repeat.

Can you book into a hotel nearby (Travel Lodge etc do advance booking cheap deals) so you have got some breathing space & can maintain a timetable of sorts.

. If you want to make gingerbread, you can just make a huge batch before you leave & ice when you get there. Get the kids to decorate, present it nicely & get them to give it out as gifts.

Plan activities to break up the time spent indoors stewing in front of a tv. Walks after lunch etc, just get the kids running around outside to burn up energy. Concentrate on making it lovely for the kids, if you go in with a negative attitude from the outset that's what you will get.

I was about to suggest the same as raisah.

Although we get on really well with my in laws, just the number of people staying there for the last couple of years before MIL moved to be near us meant that DH and I chose to stay in the local pub that does b&b for easter.

Being able to head off each night and have some breathing space was so good.

Erm ....

Nope can't think if any

I refuse to leave the house on Christmas Day ( apart from taking the dogs for a walk). Can't bear the thought of the day with in laws. More than happy for them to come here but they won't