If you are a lone parent what do you do about presents at Christmas?

[2anddone]

Hi my h moved out in March and I am now starting to think about presents etc for Christmas. Obviously we will get dc separate gifts (we only get them one from us usually) so I know I will pay for my present to them. WIBU to ask h to go halves on the other gifts. We don't go mad they get a small stocking, 2 gifts from Santa, 1 from dog and 1 from sibling. I have said he is welcome to stay Christmas eve til boxing day so he can be with dc at Christmas so wouldn't be like he pays then doesn't see them enjoy opening iykwim?
Really confused and trying so hard to stay amicable but am worried if I mention money he might be horrible. Would love to hear what you all do in this situation TIA.

Ask him what his Gift plans are & then mention what you are thinking of getting them. Take your cues from him and don't mention money.

It is your first Xmas separated and I think you need to make it clear that clear to your dc. Inviting him to stay for 3 days and giving joint presents may give mixed messages that you are back together. Your intentions are well meaning but maybe interpreted differently.

whilst it is lovely you want to invite your ex over, i do think its a bit of a mix message, esp for that long.. maybe just for a couple of hours?

aplitting the gift..its a tough one..but i think for this christmas it would be better to get your own for him.

im a single mum to two boys to, and i start buying gift throught out the year, esp if they are at sale. there is plenty og time to still get some good deals. the bargain thread is a good place to find some to :)

Yes do separate presents. Assuming their dad gives you maintenance you can buy some things with that. It would however be sensible to let him know what you have already got so that he doesn't unwittingly duplicate the gifts. You do find that DC quite often get more gifts than they would usually.

Because you are separated, it would be best if you agree to which days he will see them over Christmas rather than spend the day itself together. There are lots of different permutations dependent on whether you and and he and all the wider family are local or far away, and whether there is a lot of travel involved, and staying with other people. If he's staying locally, you could even divide the time so that you have them Christmas eve and until after Christmas lunch, then he has the DC for the afternoon, evening and Boxing day, for example. He could give them their presents from him then. You may find that if he has his own home the presents might end up shared between the two homes.

I was a child of divorced parents and got separate presents from them. I was an only child as well, so probably got loads more than I would have done otherwise

How old are the children? If the presents are still from santa then it would make sense either to share the cost or buy half each. As my boys got older, we shifted the bigger gifts from being from Santa to being from us to make the disapearance of santa less of a trauma :). Would you be buying a gift from yourselves as well as the Santa gifts? Those should obviously be separate.

We I do go a bit mental at Christmas though, I am sure if we were split up my OH would rather just pitch me in some cash than actually decide on something to buy for them.

My ExH and I buy separate presents.

His cost about thirty quid.

I have to buy and pay for everything else. Which gets expensive when they get older! But there's nothing I can do about that.

After separation, my DH spent Christmas day with his kids and ExW (I was not OW). He didn't stay over, but went early morning after breakfast and stayed until after their big christmas lunch. So the day was somewhat 'normal' for the kids, but the no staying over meant there was no mixed message. I believe that year DH and ExW did their normal joint present and santa stuff.

Now, 8 years on, for every year, lovely DSDs are always welcome to stay and have christmas day with us or stay with mum and we see them christmas night and have them boxing day. It usually depends whether their mum is working christmas day; she prefers to have them if she's on days off understandably. So the presents are now separate. In the early days I asked her (through DH) if it was appropriate (OK) for me to do a Santa stash for them at our house and she was happy with this.

So the kids get 1 x pressie from me and DH + surprise santa goodies. Plus 1 x pressie from their mum + santa goodies.

the kids do very well out of this deal

I meant they were pleased at their presents. Didn't mean to infer that this in anyway compensated for their parents being divorced. Sorry if that came across wrong.

Not at all everyday! I will admit I am really struggling with what I want this year and what I know is best for dc. They have asked if he can spend Christmas with us and as atm there is noone else I am happy to do this for this year. It so hard to know what to do for the best for everyone and tbh I would love to pretend that Christmas has been cancelled this year as I struggle to get through normmal days sometimes without the happiness I am going to be expected to produce at Christmas

This will be the third year XH and I have been separated and we spend the day together with the DC. It's not exactly my favourite way to spend a day but it works OK for all of us and especially the children. Maybe have him coming over for the day rather than being there for longer though?
I do Father Christmas and whatever else I feel like buying and XH buys them some things as well.
As both of us have got new partners now I'm not sure the way it is will carry on forever but for now it is what happens.

i split with my XH 3 yrs ago.
this year he is going to come round for a few hrs xmas day with his pressies for the kids.i do xmas at my house completely independently, don't ever ask him for anything..he just pays the agreed (between us not lawyers) maintenance by standing order each month.
I would advise not bringing up money at all.let him bring it up.
buy what YOU can afford,not as a joint thing.