Sad about dh's decision in regards to christmas

[MadameJ]

Me and dh have always spent christmas day with his family. When we had children we said that it was time to have the day at home which we did last year. Christmas day was imo wonderful, fab lunch, playing with dd then saw family in the afternoon. So dh comes home last night and informs me that he has spoken to his dad who agrees we should have Christmas lunch there this year, I am gutted as I loved last year and we have another dd this year so having to spend the whole day there trying to get the baby to sleep etc fills me with dread. I was really looking forward to Christmas :-(

[clam]

"They have decided?" Have they indeed?
Fuck that! No. Just no.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

I can't believe he tells you what he has decided for you and you think that's in any way OK.

[Gay40]

No.
When you have your own children, you stop going to mummy and daddy's for Christmas.
I'd advise him that if he want to make a unilaterial decision, then fine, but he will be taking the children on his own and looking after them all day and good luck.

[Squidwardtenticles]

Op please stand up for yourself and tell them to get to fuck.

[MillyONaire]

with a new baby this is one of the few times you can justify being as unreasonable as you like: say NO! He can call at some stage and see them then.

[iamusuallybeingunreasonable]

You have to make a stand, I did this for DDs first two years, dragging her cross country to appease others, whilst also working full time and being knackered, last year after the mother of all arguments with MIL I put my foot down and we stayed home, she sulked like a brat, and same again this year but I'm the adult now do I get to choose how I spend christmas... Now she's trying to get us to commit to every Easter, not happening, there's more than one family, my own don't get a look in, but don't sulk, and once you have kids the main family is your own, just say that YOU have DECIDED your staying home, let DH toddle off if he wishes, but he won't believe me

[Babanouche]

Op I hope it works out for you. I'm hoping to go to inlaws this year as I've had enough cooking and missing out on my children having a lovely time without me. They're 10 and 4 now though. Completely different when you're having to think about naps and the like!

[clam]

It's interesting that your thread title says that you're "sad" about dh's decision. Why sad, and not fucking livid? Do NOT let them ride roughshod over your wishes like this.

[purrtrillpadpadpad]

Any news Op?

[GobbolinoCat]

Its hard isnt it.

Does anyone actually enjoy xmas and the family angle of it?!

I would really love my two DD to want to spend xmas with me when they get older I really really would esp, if there are DC.

However would I want them to be driving across country every year and spending time with us - then cutting that up to dash to the other in laws, then they are left in the middle up set and crying because they just want to be at home with thier own little ones?
Under pressure pressure pressure and not doing what they want at all?

Would I want to force their DH's who maybe we didnt see eye to eye with to sit with us?
In laws who are rude and un welcoming then demand you break your neck to be there at christmas?

I PRAY my DD's naturally want to spend xmas with us when they get older, but if they do not, want to be with in laws or their own little families I would like to think we will be flexible, and even had a second xmas a few weeks after if it came to it!

[Anja1Cam]

GobbolinoCat yes of course some do and it is possible. We used to alternate between both sets of Parents - both about a day's travel away (scotland and mainland Europe). When DD1 arrived we did it 2 more times. When DD2 arrived we declared an end to travelling and that everyone was welcome at ours (it meant a sofabed in the living room for quite a few years before we got more space). We have had a couple of 'just us 4' Christmases, one enforced by the weather, and in recent years the Scottish parents have come to us (but by train when they usually travel by car the rest of the year), they stay 5days to a week and we all enjoy it because we all get on really well. The European parents are too tied up in the events at their end, they would never be able to come to us but they do understand and one year we may decide to trek back to them. No hard feelings on anyone's side when travel is not possible. I certainly don't expect anyone to come us if I'm not willing to brave potential bad weather etc.