what to buy for someone you'd really rather not buy anything for

[enormouse]

I've been with DP almost 4 years and have bought his sister something every year from us both. It's usually something I've spent time and effort (not to mention money) picking out. It's starting to get demoralising now as its never reciprocated. For 2 years out of the 3 I have received nothing and for one year I got a nougat and nut chocolate selection (I'm extremely allergic to egg and nuts).

I have no idea what to do this year. My inner bitch says get the ungrateful cowbag nothing but this might precipitate world war 3 and I don't think that would be festive. I don't want to spend lots of money on her either but if it's not considered to her standards she will bitch and be highly unpleasant.

I'm not materialistic and am expecting nothing again this year, but it's really disheartening to be snubbed in front of DPs family by her after putting the effort into buying her something special. I find Christmas difficult anyway as I'm NC with my family and especially miss them over the festive period.

I used to do all the buying of presents for DH's family. It got me really down when my effort wasn't reciprocated and they didn't buy anything for our DD. I felt I was putting a lot more effort in than they were and that really hurt me.

My solution was to pass the responsibility for present buying to DH. He grumbled a bit but understood why I didn't want to carry on buying presents for his family. Now DH sometimes remembers to buy presents and sometimes he doesn't.

Amazingly it doesn't bother me in the slightest anymore when his family don't buy for us. Maybe you could tell your DH that it's up to him from now on?

Cross post - it's amazingly liberating!

Yes, get him to buy something, though be warned that he will probably overspend. I'd buy her a cheap scarf from the market. Job done.

Just do the simplest thing which is to buy her nothing. And I agree with just say oh I thought we weren't doing birthday presents anymore. Your DP can get her a present if he wants to.

I felt like a large weight lifted off my shoulders too when I made the decision to no longer remember, it seriously wound me up before.

Smile and if mentioned just say 'oh dear, did you Dbro forget, opps'

your not you

I really wouldn't buy her anything. Im.not saying I give to receive BUT how can she bitch about your gift if she doesn't even bother to buy you anything

I really wouldn't buy her anything. Im.not saying I give to receive BUT how can she bitch about your gift if she doesn't even bother to buy you anything

Agree that pushing it back to your dh runs the risk of him massively overspending and you sitting there Christmas afternoon doubly annoyed, that you didn't get a gift but that south family money was spent on her.

Anyway, get him to buy it, but agree a budget for each gift. If you do decide to get it, can I suggest a gift set from the body shop? Or even better, one of those smellies gift sets you can pick up in sainsburys or tescos. Nothing says "I give you zero thought" like a supermarket gift set.

What about the free gift you get online when you buy other presents for people you actually like ? Eg if you spend over £40 with the book people you can get a 2014 RHS desk diary for her .......

Agree it's not your problem and you can easily pass this back

Or

You can go mental with exquisitely wrapped gifts and then when someone comments on the fabulous wrapping you say loudly 'Yes, I know she never buys be anything but I love being the spirit of Christmas' - said in the loudest, smuggest, passive aggressive tone you can manage.

laurie that does appeal quite a bit but it's DPs problem now. His loopy bitch of a sister, not mine.

I think I'll spend the money I'd use on her, on myself.

Already eyeing up Yankee candles and crabtree and Evelyn biscuits to put in the Christmas eve hamper for myself.

Do it mouse, his sister = his problem! Why on earth this became your problem to deal with I don't know.

How about this?

UPDATE - informed DP of what had been discussed on this thread, conversation was as follows.
Enormouse - 'I have an announcement to make. I will not be buying your sisters present this year because I don't like her. I will be spending that money on me'
Bemused DP - 'fair enough, I'm not keen on her myself. Can't think of a better way of spending that money…'
After a few minutes - 'you're aware it's only September'

Result!

Op I have just read this thread for the first time. I would like to say, I love your husband. He sounds great.