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Original poster

to say no

15 replies

dementedmumof6 · 19/09/2013 17:46

sorry don't know how to link to previous posts.

My ex-sil asked what I was doing for xmas dinner today and when I mentioned had ordered my turkey was met with the response "mine don't like that I will have to bring something else." as your house is the only one big enough for us all.

Would I be unreasonable to say no this xmas is going to be hard enough as is the first since ex and I have split up and he has a new girlfriend although he is spending the day with us due to kids, and after the disaster that was last year really not in the mood to however also don't want to look like the bad guy as am finding it really hard especially since they have become friends with the new girlfriend and I feel pushed out.

especially since have known ex for 17yrs and since eldest (15) was born have held xmas more often than not.

OP posts:
onetiredmummy · 19/09/2013 19:25

Just to clarify - so she is assuming she is coming over to your house without your having invited her?

YANBU to say no, not at all! You do what you want for Christmas & your ex & his family can make their own plans. Presumably the new girlfriend wants to spend time with your ex too & having them smooching at your house is a terrible idea! You will not be the bad guy at all, you have split up. How about you do the Christmas dinner for the kids then they go to ex's for the afternoon?

What happened last year?

attheendoftheday · 19/09/2013 20:49

She is your ex's family, of course you don't have to host her! She's bloody cheeky to assume you would.

Original poster
dementedmumof6 · 19/09/2013 22:17

Last Year invited them all because it was the first since their mother had died and they obviously wanted to be together .

Had to completely change what I was cooking as her kids are the fussiest eaters in the world and only wanted party food ie sausage rolls, mini sausages ect ,

They turned up at 1 in the afternoon and got really drunk which in itself wasn't that bad was having a nice day until they asked if could phone a friend and his brother and teenage daughter whom I had never met to come over this was about 6pm and I said no as then dh had agreed to see them boxing day, when I came back downstairs about 8pm from settling youngest 2 said friends were there.

so I had an argument with dh and went to bed as was not in the mood to deal with more people as truthfully thought both sil and their families would be heading home not inviting more people, they finally left at 1130pm after sil youngest child stormed off after attacking my eldest dd .

but for days after and even now stbxh still has a go about how horrible I was and inhospitable and how he surprised anyone wants to come after the way they were treated last time.

sorry that became an epic rant

OP posts:
attheendoftheday · 19/09/2013 23:16

They sound horrible!

If your ex is still having a go about things, are you sure you want him there for christmas? I realise you may need to split your dc's time with him if you don't spend it together, but at least you'd have some time without anyone to ruin the day.

Pimpf · 19/09/2013 23:25

Tell your ex sil that she can do get her kids what she likes for Christmas but it won't be at your house. You don't need any further explanation, you don't owe them anything

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 20/09/2013 05:55

Tell the lot of them to jog on and sort out their own fecking christmas.

I think it's great that some people can spend christmas with an ex for the sake of kids involved but if last year was awful when you were together this year is going to at the very least be fraught with tension. I'd ban the lot.

Also can't beleive the cheek of people inviting themselves over like that, christmas or not!

milk · 20/09/2013 12:09

Say No!!!!

Original poster
dementedmumof6 · 20/09/2013 14:12

I am going to say no.

really can't do it again this year the question is how do I word it in such a way that doesn't make me look like the bad guy or cause tension as already feel guilty as I know they don't have much money ect for xmas.

Ex is no use as he has already said that its not his problem anymore and is upto me to deal with.

and I don't want to fall out as I already feel awful that after 17years it feels as though they have replaced me with the new girlfriend whom they have known for about 5months, going night out meeting up ect when 9 times out of 10 I can't because of the children.

sorry that's a rambling mess

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 20/09/2013 14:20

That's a really horrible situation you've been put in. Cheeky of your SIL to expect you to host Christmas in the circs! Can you just tell her that you're not up for a day of playing happy extended families as you've already been replaced in your exh's affections? Or better still, can you tell your exH that if he expects to come round and be fed and spend Christmas with you and the kids, the very least he can do is deal with his sister?

Pimpf · 26/09/2013 19:37

Just say no

IcedTeaOneSugar · 26/09/2013 19:45

Just say no.

You and the dc want a nice quiet Christmas this year end of discussion.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 26/09/2013 19:45

Say no, sorry, but stbxh and his woman will be more than happy to have you at theirs.

PigStack · 26/09/2013 19:47

PLEASE say no!!

InkleWinkle · 26/09/2013 19:51

So...am I reading this correctly...she's your EX-Sil?

DTisMYdoctor · 27/09/2013 15:13

Crikey, say no and tell all of them where to go!

While it's commendable that you and ex are planning on spending the day together for the sake of the kids, the scenario you've outlined sounds miserable.

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