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Original poster

Would you tell your DP/DH you didn't like their Christmas present?

28 replies

AlwayswinterneverXmas · 19/12/2012 15:13

Dh is usually extremely thoughtful with gift buying/giving and have never had a problem so far where I haven't at least liked (if not loved) something he's bought for me.

About a week ago DH casually mentioned he hoped I'd like what he'd bought me for Christmas, then today I was hoovering and saw something under the bed and I KNOW I shouldn't have looked but I did. Turned out it was a really tacky necklace & clip-on earrings set and I nearly burst into tears Blush. Not my style at all, I don't even like wearing jewellery, especially earrings, and have told DH this before, although don't expect him to remember everything I mention so would happily wear them if they were nice (have done this before with a gorgeous necklace he bought me even though I hate the feel of it when I wear it, because I loved the thought), but they're so naff and tacky. The receipt was there and he'd spent £35 on them so don't feel it'd be fair to pretend I like them and 'forget' to ever wear them, especially as I suspect he'll be hoping I wear them regularly. But also don't want to hurt his feelings by saying I don't like them, he's already one of these people who checks 5 times you really mean it when you say you like something and don't want to kick his confidence when he's usually so thoughtful, but don't want to be stuck wearing these!

What makes it worse is because he's not that confident he actually asked for a list this year of the sort of things I'd like and I wrote a massive load of the sorts of things I'd like for him to choose from which seems pointless now!

Don't know what to do on Christmas now when I have to unwrap these, feel so ungrateful but they're really not nice, do I tell him or stick with them?

(oh and we've already shopped for all family/friends so definitely not for anyone else unless he's got a bit on the side which I doubt)

OP posts:
Original poster
AlwayswinterneverXmas · 19/12/2012 15:17

(And they're from a well known department store so feel like he just picked something he saw one day rather than carefully picked something for me iyswim)

OP posts:
Snowkey · 19/12/2012 15:18

Could you casually mention how you really don't like jewellery and you're glad you have chatted about it before so there would no misunderstandings.

Original poster
AlwayswinterneverXmas · 19/12/2012 15:20

Could do but am worried it'd send him into a panic about returning & replacing it this near to Xmas (he has anxiety issues anyway)

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OhTheConfusion · 19/12/2012 15:38

Go on... send us a link!

I tend to keep gifts, even the ones I don't like incase I hurt anyones feelings Xmas Blush
DH got me a cardigan a few years ago (as I love knitwear) but it was horrid and I felt like I had to wear it. I need to follow this thread incase anyone has a polite way to reject a gift.

bedmonster · 19/12/2012 16:42

so feel like he just picked something he saw one day rather than carefully picked something for me

And?! Blimey you sound a bit high maintenance. If he has anxiety issues and you don't want him working himself into a frenzy about it then just zip it. Sorry.

Oblomov · 19/12/2012 16:57

there are ways and means of telling someone you don't like something. I always tell dh, on the rare occassion thta he buys me something i don't like. But I TRY and say it in a soft way, 'thank you so much, I really appreciate it but its just not' ........
Open it up at christmas. But later say its not quite you, but you appreciate... and would he mind if you exchanged it. Your sure he would prefer it for you to have something you really loved..... kind of thing.....

Beaverfeaver · 19/12/2012 17:33

Maybe he is doing secret Santa at work and its a gift he gives for that

I once told my DH I didn't like something he bought me, this was years before we were married.
He was very hurt and still brings it up on occaisions but I would rather let him know.

Chewbecca · 19/12/2012 17:42

Most stores won't refund / exchange earrings anyway on hygiene grounds so unlikely to be an option.

PrettyPirate · 19/12/2012 17:59

Two years ago DH got me a watch and I didn't like it all. I was gentle with him, saying that I really appreciate the idea (I really needed new watch, so he got that right!) but this one is not my taste at all. He was ok with it, we went shopping few days later and we exchanged the watch to the one I liked.
Year ago he bought me a dress and it looked horrible on me, made me look about 8 sizes bigger. Again told him the idea was good but buying clothes for me - maybe he shouldn't.. I know that's bit harsh but I have too many jewellery sets from DH that I don't really like but have been too nice and haven't told him before. Two years ago I thought that's enough and he needs to be toldWink (he doesn't know about jewellery as I'm not so meanGrin)

Mrsrudolphduvall · 19/12/2012 19:22

Never do surprises.
It only ends in tears.
Dh has just given me his present for himself, which I will now wrap and put the money in his account. He gets exactly what he wants without me having to source it. Job done.

Original poster
AlwayswinterneverXmas · 19/12/2012 19:22

Thanks for the replies - snowkey, I did manage to casually drop into a convo this afternoon about how I don't like wearing earrings and DH didn't react in panic or anything but at least I mentioned it again.

OhTheConfusion - same here, I have no idea how to politely say a gift isn't 'me', am dually horrified and impressed by the people (mostly IL's on MN it seems) who can just demand the receipt/the present gets returned seemingly without a moment's thought, don't want to be that rude but need some nice way of pointing out when something's really not right. (not going to link to the set just in case I outed myself, especially if I end up wearing them)

bedmonster - I'm honestly not high maintenance, there's been loads of gifts I've had from people that haven't been 'me' or something I've wanted at all but I've appreciated and used because they put thought into it and it's impossible to get it right all the time. Just looks like a present you'd pick with your eyes closed iykwim, if he wanted an easy time he could have just picked at random from my list and I'd have been none the wiser but wouldn't have been the least upset even if I'd known. I don't want anyone putting hours of worry into a gift for me but surely the point is that it should be something the recipient vaguely likes, especially when a list has been asked for.

Thanks Oblomov & PrettyPirate, will have to try and do the gentle approach but tell him all the same - am glad I'm forewarned though, would be utterly stuck for how to tactfully point out it wasn't something I'd enjoy if I was really surprised - would just pretend I loved it and be stuck with it.

Beaverfeaver - we work together in our own business so if it's secret santa I'm still in the same position Grin. That's what I'm worried about, that DH would be hurt about it for a long time but true that it's better to know.

Chewbecca - might be alright as they're clip-ons rather than pierced, maybe I'll check with the store before saying anything though.

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Original poster
AlwayswinterneverXmas · 19/12/2012 19:25

Mrsrudolph - sounds like heaven Grin. Thought it was going to be nearly that smooth when DH asked me for a list of ideas, but looks like it's not the case. Maybe I need to give him a list of exact items and instruct him he can't deviate from it.

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BluelightsAndSirens · 19/12/2012 19:25

Are you sure they are for you?

CajaDeLaMemoria · 19/12/2012 19:28

It seems really mean to say you don't like them...

It's a tough one, though. I have no idea what DP has got me. He even made a list for me to give to his family (they all do lists) and I haven't seen that. I'll just trust that he knows me well enough to pick something I like, as he has done so far, or I'll be in trouble!

Usually I'd suggest tactfully suggesting exchanging it...saying it pinches, or it's broken, or it's too heavy. But if your DP worries anyway, and has anxiety issues, it seems mean. It's also unlikely that he will be able to return a set with earrings (clip on or otherwise) in unless it actually is damaged, so he'll be stuck with a £35 gift that you don't like.

Arrggghh what a tough one.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 19/12/2012 19:30

For what it's worth, your DP probably thought he was being nice by not picking from the list. My DP never does, and I rarely do either. It takes all the fun out of picking something that you know someone likes, and it takes all the fun out of receiving, too, if you know exactly what you are going to get.

I use people's lists as inspiration, but am always complimented on picking something unexpected (and so far, loved).

Original poster
AlwayswinterneverXmas · 19/12/2012 19:33

Bluelights - I can't see who they'd be for if not, especially as DH is hiding them under the bed instead of putting them in the drawers with our presents for other people but I like to think they're for someone else, like an elderly granny maybe Smile.

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Original poster
AlwayswinterneverXmas · 19/12/2012 19:34

Caja - can understand the wanting to pick something yourself, I like doing it for DH but he specifically asked for the list so he didn't have to worry about getting something I didn't want which is why it's even weirder/worse.

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Battlefront · 19/12/2012 19:34

If you've really been that clear about not wanting jewellery, they can't be for you can they? His mother?

Yes I would say so. DH once bought me a very expensive leather briefcase. It was what I wanted/needed but he'd got the style badly wrong. I couldn't have used it and what a waste to keep it unused. DH was disappointed that he'd got it so wrong and does want/need specific instructions these days, but he'd rather get me something I like.

wordfactory · 19/12/2012 19:36

Oh I wouldn't tell someone I didn't like their gift.

A couple of years ago I was convinced DH had got me a bike. Now I really really did not want a bike but I was not going to let it show.

I was pretty relieved when it turned out to be somehting else entirely.

Snowkey · 19/12/2012 19:40

I'm reminded of that awful scene in Love Actually where she finds jewels and assumes they are hers only to discover they are for his fancy woman....

BluelightsAndSirens · 19/12/2012 19:40

It is weird, I wondered if they were for his mum or sister etc but you're right it is weird to hide them and even more so if he asked for a list Confused

I wonder if he just panic bought them, did you ask for something difficult to find?

Original poster
AlwayswinterneverXmas · 19/12/2012 20:16

Snowkey - I thought that too but DH seems fairly loyal so fingers crossed and if they are for an OW she's not going to be impressed Grin

Battlefront - fairly sure they're not for his mum because we've got her presents already.

Bluelights - maybe he panicked but I asked for very easy stuff, books about the various hobbies I've got (all very common), chocolates, bath stuff, dvds, couple of magazine subscriptions, couple of bags, knitting stuff etc. Now i'm wondering if he spent ages deliberating and actually thinks they're really nice!

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Battlefront · 19/12/2012 20:21

Is it so bad it could be a "joke" and he's really got you something off the list too?

IAmTellingSanta · 19/12/2012 21:49

You'll have to pretend to like them and then sell them on EBay.

Greensleeves · 19/12/2012 22:04

I could never crush somebody by saying I didn't like their present. I do sort of admire people who can, and even more people who are robust enough to take it if their loved one doesn't like their present - but not me, I would have nightmares

If it really is ghastly, could you love it on the day, wear it non-stop for a couple of days and then "lose" one of the earrings and be heartbroken?

I wouldn't even do that though tbh, I would be terrified of the poor man realising and being upset BlushBlush