Bloody selfish and horrible teenagers, WWYD? Beware - very long!

[lilibet]

This is a lot of writing for a problem that would never have occurred if I had done things differently in the past, but as I can't change how I acted then, here goes ...

I have three dc's who last Christmas were 23, 18 and 15. The youngest two are boys. Since they have been born they have had a stocking hung on their bedroom door and it has become tradition that they pile onto our bed on Christmas morning to open their stockings (yes even at those ages!) and it's a really lovely part of Christmas for me, all five of us and three cats on the bed. They don?t each have their 'own' stocking, we have two snowmen and a reindeer and they each have always wanted the reindeer but I have always tried to rotate it. (Yes I know, you?re looking at their ages again to make sure you've read it right!).

Last Christmas Eve Dh and I had the news that Bil's fiancée, age 31 was terminal; we had met her about a dozen times, the children less than that but it was still an awful shock. That evening the boys 18 and 15 fought like two people possessed over the fucking reindeer stocking. I said that dd should have it but still it went on, they both said that it wasn't her turn, I ended up sobbing, dh was shouting that people were dying and did it really matter and it was all dreadful. We went to bed with dd having the reindeer on her door and duly filled the stockings. During the night ds1, changed all the contents so that he had the fucking reindeer, he thought this was bloody hilarious. In the morning I said that this year the boys would not get stockings.

So what do I do? If they don't have stockings they won't come onto our bed and a lovely bit of Christmas will be gone forever. I am reluctant to get new ones as these have been going for years and were bought by their grandmother who is now dead. If I just get the boys new ones, one of the little buggers will swap it in the night and why should dd suffer, it's probably her last Christmas at home as she is moving to Aus in January.

Fuck - what a lot of typing for such a crap and insignificant problem!!

If you've stuck with it so far - thanks

I feel your pain but it is hilarious to hear about as an outsider.

YOU get the reindeer stocking for now on, and the offspring can have
Identical pillow cases with names marker penned on to be used as their stockings henceforth.

I'd buy cheap plain stockings and a pack of fabric paints, on Christmas eve everyone gets to decorate their own new stocking with whatever they fancy - as many reindeers as they want.

Then use the originals for lovely decoration

Don't give up this lovely tradition. It sounds like Christmas was more fraught for you last year because of the bad news you received which made the situation 10 times worse. My two sisters and I always used to pile on to our parents bed (hungover) on Christmas morning and the memories of this are precious as we lost our Mum when she was only 45, we were only in our teens and twenties. We also lost our DD this May, she was 14 and I would have big regrets if we didn't do our stockings last year. I know they are older now, but cherish the time whilst they are still at home with you xx

I understand it upsets you, but the kids will probably spend the next decades telling everyone about how they used to fight over the precious reindeer stocking and tell the story with smiles on their faces at the memories. Take comfort in the fact that for them, this is a tradition, not an issue.

I think a whole year is a long time to wait for the consequences of one's actions, even at their age, so I'd still do the stockings, just making certain that DD gets it this year. Fill the stockings at 6am, or move the reindeer one onto DD's bed so there's no chance for the stockings to be rearranged.

I'm one of three (25 my sisters are 17 and 22) and I'm sorry but I am horrified that you have three children and had two stocking in one design and another in another design. Asking for trouble

Plus, its just the kidn of 'joke' I would have made at the same age. And I didn't have a social filter in 'sad' situations.

I think you should have the talk that you will not tolerate the behaviour of last year, tell them that they should know that naughty children don't get stockings and you will be monitoring behaviour accordingly. You could use this to your advantage so that if they really want stockings, they will be better behaved and more considerate of others, and also more helpful in the run up to Christmas.

I think you could hand out the empty poundland stockings on Christmas eve, and then swap them over for their filled posh stockings next day. Then if they want to keep the contents they have to be helpful all day.

Sorry about your DD, Banana. This will be a hard Christmas for you.

I think as a couple of others have said that as all your children are adults or nearly adults you need to resolve this by having a discussion about it. At the moment your own reaction is one of the biggest parts of the problem. They don't know how you feel and you propose to punish them, as you would younger children, without allowing them to deal with the issue in a grown up way and come to a solution. You need to get this out there, explain how the argument made you feel last year and get them to take responsibility for behaving like the grown ups they almost are.

I would tell them that the old stockings are out of circulation, anyone who wants stocking presents can organise themselves to go and buy (and name) their own stockings and put them outside on Christmas Eve, otherwise it will just be a pile of presents with their name on the top.

Your dd will probably buy a suitable alternative, your boys will either go to poundland or just not bother. then sneak the reindeer into your dd's luggage or post it to her next year and she will have one for her and one for her dp when she gets that far They are old enough to sort it out themselves.

I'm so sorry Banana utterly heartbreaking.

Just to reinforce what Andi says I'm in my 40s and me and my brother and sister still fight about who is going to have to sit at the place with the fish recipes placemat when we go to my parents' house. It is tradition to us.

And my Mum has bless her has kept that one individual placemat from the set very carefully over the years so we can still keep up our family tradition - started at the age of 6-8 when going to my Granny's for Sunday dinner. We have unfortunately involved our kids and partners too now so there are 14 of us trying desperately to avoid it in the first instance and then off load it during dinner.

We all have a laugh about it now we're older - I'm sure it was irritating when sitting down for dinner in our teen years. we might have cried and sulked about it