Am I the only one to be thoroughly depressed about Christmas and the inevitable family hassles?

[CambridgeBlue]

Half term is out of the way so everyone's now thinking about how we will spend Christmas and already it's getting complicated. Family expect us to travel to see them and stay there even though we'd rather be at home and them come to us (but they can't because our house is too small). My DM is already trying to organised us all which neither I or particularly my DH can stand (is there anything worse than forced fun?) and I feel harassed and depressed even though it's only sodding November.

I know all families have their ups and downs but nothing ever seems to be simple in mine (much more to it but too long and boring for anyone else to be interested in). I so long to look forward to Christmas and enjoy it instead of feeling stressed and stuck in the middle and I want my family to enjoy it too. I don't think there's any simple answer but please tell me I'm not alone and if anyone's got any tips for coping and staying sane without resorting to the gin bottle I'd love to hear them.

like several others on here i always said that once we had kids we would have christmas at home and thats what we've done. others are welcome to visit (max 3 nights). so there's absolutely no arguments about this.

cambridge - in your shoes i would arrange to visit family before or after christmas; suggest they go into B&B, or have pump-up beds somewhere - surely there's somewhere, even if its the kitchen or hall? And added benefit is they won't stay too long.

I'm surprised on these threads how few old people are prepared to use public transport and expect everyone else to drive around like mad people instead.

Cambridge, what about gritting your teeth and doing a flying visit to Mum and Dad in one day that is not Christmas. If they aren't actually that bothered, it won't matter when they see you, just that they do. I would be prepared to drive that distance and back in one day to know that I would be able to enjoy myself at Christmas proper, at home. If other relatives want to see you at either of the parents they can. This would be your only offer of visiting so you'd need to let everyone know early what you're doing.

You could take food with you if you wanted, see whichever parent is less stressy for longest, have a meal there, go to other parent and just stay as long as you need or is comfortable, and then leave. Ignore any protests or complaints, you say when you arrive that you can only stay for a certain length of time and have lots to do at home.

I think that getting the visit out of the way will make you feel much happier after it.

FromEsme I feel for you - same here, my family bloody useless dysfunctional f*ckwits, DH's family pretty much exclude us & DCs as they prefer to be with their own perfect DD & her kids.

Every year they pretend that "don't know where they're going yet" for Christmas and "haven't made any plans" then, magically, it turns out that they're going to bleeding Mary Poppins' for the five days of Christmas again!

bertha I don't need a spreadsheet, it's in my head, 23 out of the last 25 Christmasses! They usually ring on Christmas day to tell us what a FAB time they're having. One year they didn't even ask to speak to our children (primary school age at the time) -I made DH ring them back & shame them into it. It ruined my Christmas day.

I would love one year, just one year, to not have to cook my own turkey, to be invited somewhere else. Or even for someone else to joyfully accept our invitation to spend it with us. It's never going to happen. If my mother comes she's miserable, the 2 years out of 25 that my in-laws have come they made it be known that it was a huge sacrifice for them not to be with their DD & her DH & DC.

Seems like we all want what we haven't got!

As I once overheard a neighbour shout to his DW on Christmas Eve (clearly rowing) "and a bloody merry Christmas to you too!"

I'm a bit late to this thread - and I know it's hard to please everyone / everyone had huge expectations that are hard to meet...

OP I'm with Girly - visit another time, and put your foot down and stay at home? You might have a potential wintry weather forecast on your side if you have any distance to go? We've already been warned about a bad winter...

Me and my family live so far apart that spending and day with one and then ext with the other is not possible - but everyone had accepted that from the start. As student DP and me took year about turns in travelling together to the North or South (leaving England in both cases). When DD1 was born we continued the pattern for another few years (by car) and then with DD2 we said 'enough' and stayed at home, everyone was invited here, our house is small but we manage with ppl sleeping in the living room etc. the first year it was just us, but since then we've had PILs coming mostly, weather permitting. My parents would never, they are too 'attached' to home at that time with socialising and stuff. We might go back to them now that flying is an easier option, but this and next year the school holidays are not exactly well timed...

When we were doing the roundabout way, the other set would usually visit us in the autumn, or we would go there, so we saw them and had a chance to exchange gifts and not have to post them.