How to make our tiny family Christmas magical when 1. We are both ill and 2. Our own Christmases were crap?

[fuzzpig]

Need the wisdom of you lovely festive MNers please!

Xmas has always been a bit of a struggle for us. DH had a horrific childhood and obviously has no good memories of it. My own family is dysfunctional and toxic and my parents didn't like Xmas so didn't see why their only child should .

We have an agreement that Xmas day itself is just for us (me, DH, DD 5, DS 3) - my family believes it is just because we want to enjoy the day ourselves but basically it is because the alternative of having them here is miserable, boring and stressful.

But even on our own, Xmas has never been that great. It feels like Sunday with presents and more food. We are good at the present part but it seems like that is the focus of the day which is not what I want.

Hopefully DH will be in good health by then, as he has just had an operation on his spine having been injured for 2 years (he couldn't even sit at the table!) but I am unlikely to be much better as I have developed a chronic illness - it is unpredictable and I don't even know if I'll be able to work by then.

I am not going to put loads of pressure on myself to make it 'perfect' because I know that's a bad idea. So I'm just looking for a few easy ways to make it more fun and different :)

I haven't read everyone's ideas so this may have been suggested already; something that makes Christmas stand out from "just another Sunday" in our house is that I really go to town with decorating the table for Christmas Dinner. Your DCs are old enough (just about) not to grab at little candles on the table, and you can pick up a few 'crystal' glasses in charity shops for the kids' drinks. Give them something fizzy and call it champagne. Also crackers. You absolutely must have crackers. Napkins, place settings. It might seem they're too young for all that but mine love it.

I would definitely try to get to church - whatever your belief, churches at Christmas are part of the magic.

Also, get lovely table decorations and involve the DCs in setting the table - we used to love getting the table laid for Christmas lunch - posh cutlery, candles, lovely tablecloth and napkins.

One way of spreading the fun is to do stockings in the morning, main pressies in the afternoon, after lunch. That's what I want to do with DD - the one time I did all presents in the morning (when DH's family were staying with us), I hated it, it felt so greedy (not sure if that's the right word), everyone ripping everything, and 20 minutes later that was that, very anticlimactic.

On Christmas Eve, we light a whole lot of candles, and read 'T'was the Night Before Christmas' by candlelight, then read some parts of the christmas story and sing a carol or two, before bedtime.

You could buy modelling icing from the supermarket, and you and the dc could have lots of fun making decorations for the christmas cake - even if you buy a plain one to decorate.

I cannot possibly help as I officially hate Christmas! Tis very sad, but I say just what you did - Sunday lunch with a bigger bird

I have always been used to big family Christmases with lots of daft games and loads of laughter. Now it is just me, DH and DD. DH and I work from home so see each other all the time, DD is 13 now and very teenagerish so doesn't want to spend time with us.

I am considering trying to find some people to invite, maybe the Church could help?

Listening to Christmas carols and lighting christmassy scented candles is good. Have a nice thing planned for boxing day too.

I agree with the build up increasing the 'christmassy' feel.

We start with I put the christmas tree up on the night of the 30th of November, so when DC get up on the 1st under tree are their advent calendars. About mid December they get a box/gift and letter from Santa - normally tree decoration but this year they have christmas lights for their bedrooms.

Christmas eve they get new pj's and a DVD which they watch after their bath.

Christmas day itself is very quite, we tend to do what we when we want. Dinner being sometime in mid afternoon.

Don't worry about what everyone else is doing just do what you want. If you don't want a proper then don't. Have fingers and chips if that what all fancy or a buffet so you as and when you want.

The most important thing is not to stress over 1 day.

There's also the Norad Santa site that opens up on December 1st and has different bits and bobs appearing each day - like quizzes, games etc

Then on Christmas eve they track santa using the Norad systems as he flies around the world, you see him fly across the map, they show the different time zones, see him near special or famous places (Big Ben, Eiffel Tower, Pyramids, Grand Canyon, Uluru etc).

Good for a count down feeling on Christmas Eve - you can leave it ticking on the computer and just check in every now and then (you don't want to sit staring at it for hours) - spot when the first presents have been delivered, work out how long until he is due to deliver your presents, get back to the North Pole etc.

Very nicely done and although the kids don't realise it, also a lovely way for them to be learning a bit about time zones, geography, maths, etc etc

The fact that it is there and you keep going back to check on it - helps to build the excitement up in the background as you realise others are already into christmas, you can guess where he will get to next time you look, all sorts of different things can come out of it!

Fuzzpig
I love the build up to Christmas far more than the actual day.
On 1st December I'm making a hamper with wooden advent calendar, festive pjs, hot chocolate, new Christmas DVD and 24 Christmas books wrapped up! Each night I out a piece of paper in their advent calendar with an activity. They range from making paper chains and Christmas cards for grandparents to going to visit Father Christmas at the garden centre and carol singing at church.You have a blank canvas and it isn't about the amount of money you spend on DC.
Hope this thread has inspired you, there are some lovely ideas

We're having our first Xmas day this year with just the 4 of us and I'm also a little worried that it will be "like Sunday but with presents and more food (very well put!).
There are some great suggestions on here which I'm definitely going to use.
A great tradition my parents had was that we would have a treasure hunt for presents in the morning. On Xmas Eve they would hide our presents in various places around the house. I have 2 sisters so each hiding place had a present for each of us. Mum would use diferent wrapping paper for each sister so we all knew which present belonged to us. I absolutely loved it and I'm planning to do this for my dds who are 5 and 2. It also means they don't just come downstairs, rip open their presents and its all over in 5 minutes!
I also agree that a lot of the fun comes from the build up. I have planned trips to Santas Grotto at local garden centre, panto, childrens service on Xmas eve at local church and to visit a house near us whose owners go mad with their lights and decorations and collect money for charity.

Wow thank you all for such lovely ideas! Very inspiring.

I'm particularly pleased that so many have suggested going to church. I am an atheist, but I would love to go to church, I am not anti-religion at all (my lack of belief is something I've struggled with). I have often wanted to go to a carol service so I will have to put my foot down this year! We don't drive but maybe I could ask around.

We've been invited to a good older friend's on Xmas eve, and as she lives near my parents she's invited them along in the afternoon for tea and mince pies - so we will still see them but without the pressure of having them here for the whole day. Said friend understands that family isn't always easy! We have done a slightly half-arsed elf delivery of jammies and a tree dec, which this year will include an Xmas DVD as well, so we will have to figure the timings out with that.

I think it'll be a lot easier this year especially as we are thoroughly out of the baby/young toddler phase! So DS will sit at the table, snuggle up for stories, enjoy a bath etc. Not quite sure how he'd react to waiting for presents so I like the idea of hiding a few for later :o

I haven't gone quite so mad with presents this year and for the first time many of them are craft kits, hopefully they'll enjoy doing them and having nice memories of getting messy making things. I am also trying to declutter so that the house is nicer and it's easier for the DCs to appreciate the toys they get.

Getting excited reading all these suggestions!

You could also make orange decorations with the kids - either go the whole hog with christingle ones where all the constituent bits have a special meaning and there's a candle on the top (maybe not so good to be left lit with young kids around - see if you can stick a glow stick or battery candle in instead!)

Or just make orange and clove pomanders - get oranges or satsumas, loads of cheap cloves (don't get in little boxes from the supermarket, either get from their world food section where big bags cost the same as the little boxes round the corner or search out health food shops or ethnic shops or market stalls selling cheap spices), some ribbon and then just tie the ribbon around from top to bottom a couple of times to split it up into quarters (orange segment style rather than flat slices!), you would need to pin it in to secure it. THen the girls get to add lots of cloves to make patterns in the orange and that's it. Hang them up or leave them out - smell all lovely and christmasy.

This is one set of instructions - and at the bottom are links to loads of other paper christmas decoration instructions that look pretty easy.

One of the things my DD (5) loves is Christmas tea, (usually bread, cheese fruit, ham and mince pies) which we always have by candlelight....

I shall be stealing some of these!

Have a day without the television on, play games etc.

A tip if you're going to make pomanders with little ones, their fingers can get quite sore from pushing the cloves into the oranges (the 'heads' are quite sharp), so when my girls were little I used a small screwdriver to pierce holes into the orange. This makes it much easier for little hands.

I think the build up to Xmas can be great fun.

Advent calendar and candle.
Making food for the reindeers.
Baking cookies.
Decorating the house.
Making cards.

Don't worry too much about gifts, what DC like is sparkle and magic. On the day put lots of candles on the table, get the girls to make name plates (gold, silver, glitter) and a menu (again gold, silver and glitter). Let them drink something fizzy out of a wine glass or champagne flute (you can get plastic ones if need be)...

Does anybody else find that as they age, they get more teary eyed at the thought of how Christmas can be? Am I the only one reading this thread with eyes stinging with tears?

This is my first Christmas without my Father who died this summer. Although i rarely saw him on the 25/26th. knowing he is not around is unimaginable.

So any Christams rituals you can start this year will be good OP and your children and you will always remember them with warmth.

I think that you have been given lovely ideas. I agree that it is the build up as much as anything. I remember as a child it was the smells of cooking. Let them help make mince pies, roll out the pastry, make some special Christmas biscuits and decorate. Go to the library and get some books on children's Christmas crafts and make some decorations. Let them get a present for each other and mum and dad and keep it secret- wrap it up as a disguise. A Christingle service or crib service is nice. Go out when dark and see the Christmas lights. Track Father Christmas on Christmas Eve.
On the day have a special breakfast. The best thing for me as a child was that the adults had time to sit down and play games.

Use the library and get out some story books about Christmas - there are lovely ones.

Get some of the really cheap boxes of indoor Christmas lights, and hang them round the rooms, at windows, etc. Done right, it can create a fairyland effect. You can also get battery powered ones. I put them in big glass vases, jugs, etc interspersed with baubles, etc.

Go out and collect fir cones (we have tons in our garden), and spray them silver or gold. A bit of thread attached makes lovely, and expensive-looking, tree decorations.

Definitely a little tree in their own bedroom/s, with battery powered lights, if you feel you don't want them plugged in when they're alone.

I always have a special Christmas Eve tea with novelty cake- a different one each year, and a special centrepiece with little presents. It was amazing how much play they got out of something small and cheap when you only get the one, novelty, thing. As the DCs got older they did the cake and we had some real fun ones like FC upside down in a chimney, skiers, an igloo etc. My first one was a gingerbread house.

Ooh thanks for all the new messages! Lots to think about. We are feeling a bit better about it now although DH has found out he has yet another injury so it might not be so easy.

Been looking up little ideas for really simple crafts/sweets etc and joined Pinterest. Even if I only do a couple of them I'll be very pleased.

Plans are starting to shape up :)

I'm really sorry about your dad mignonette

What exactly is a crib service btw?

A crib service is a little preChristmas service (often Christmas Eve about 4 pm) which is designed for the little kids. So it is brief, pretty traditional, but no one minds a bit of chaos. It can have a nativity play (at one church I know anyone can join in as an angel or a shepherd).
I would also recommend if physically you can do it, going to a local Christmas light switch on. It's great to go to our local one and sing along with Cheesey Christmas songs.
Seeing FC on a local steam train can be a low effort way of seeing him.

We go to midnight mass as my DD sings, and the place is packed to the rafters with people you never see the rest of the year, but it does make it special.

Or a total alternative is that our local leisure centre has a special Christmas morning swimming session, which would appeal if we we'ren't doing traditional stuff.