Can anyone kindly tell me how to do Christmas in the UK?

[NulliusInBlurba]

I don't mean please explain the intricacies of roast turkey and minge mince pies.
This Christmas will be the first time I've ever organised my own Xmas in Britain. I'm used to cooking The Big Meal abroad, though. But this time we'll be arriving late on the 21st at a holiday cottage and will have to buy EVERYTHING on the 22nd. We will have no food, no decorations, and only presents that can fit in a suitcase.
The cottage is out in the mountains, the nearest town has a smattering of rather good butchers and small greengrocers, a Waitrose, a Tesco Metro, and an Iceland (let's forget the Iceland please).
I've tried buying pre-ordered Christmas food from the Waitrose website, to be collected on the 22nd, but the system won't accept my credit card because it's not registered in the UK (although one of the big CC names) - I don't understand this, given that Waitrose is happy enough to accept my card in the store. But anyway, that's the position, can't change it. Sooo:

• How much Christmas stuff is sold out by the 22nd? Are we still likely to get a turkey breast from Waitrose, preferably prestuffed? I imagine the independent butchers will only do large preordered turkeys. More importantly, am I likely to still get the Heston Xmas pud with an orange in it? . I've been really looking forward to that one.
• Where can we get a small Xmas tree in a pot? Do the supermarkets do them or would a garden centre be more likely? How much would a small tree - 2 or 3 foot - cost?
• Would the Waitrose or Tesco Metro stock some Xmas decs? What about a shop in the nearest town that is a follow-on of Woolworths, with the same kind of stock? I don't want to spend more than a tenner on decs.
• Obviously we'll need to go for small Xmas prezzies, or the kids will have to accept they can only open them after we get back. Where would be good for some small, light stocking fillers, preferably useful things or those that can be consumed and won't take up suitcase space?

I'm terrified that we'll arrive and find everything is sold out, and our lovely British Christmas will be a disaster. We don't have any family (any more) who can buy stuff for us in advance (more ).

All festive suggestions appreciated!

So sorry to hear about your mum.

Good suggestions from folks, I think you'll be able to get most things at the supermarket except the tree maybe. But there is a good chance the cottage will have one.

Another suggestion to make it more 'Christmassy' is to order a Cd of hymns and naff Xmas tunes, 'Now Christmas' or similar? Get you all in the mood! Also, do you know if there is a local church that is doing a midnight service?

Ooh, makes me feel all Christmassy just thinking about it!

Good luck, hope it all comes together and that you have a lovely time.

Maybe they only do an email message check once a day or less which is why you've had no replies.

Ideas for decorations if their aren't any or they are minimal: easy to do and remove, may not be tasteful but will certainly be cheerful. 1. Balloons. 2. Paperchains; buy cheap rolls of foil type wrapping paper from supermarket and a roll of sticky tape. Cut strips of paper and stick the loops together with the tape, the DC might enjoy this.

I would enlist the help of the holiday cottage people. presumably they have taken a deposit via your credit card? Ask them if they would help you out, they might do the online order (including xmas tree) for you if you forward a basic list and add the food bill to the cost of renting the cottage. They will be going in to clean the place and put the bedsheets on the day you arrive or the day before anyway so might be willing to offer a little christmas goodwill and get it all delivered before you arrive

worth a shot anyway

"The food at the Bear in the village is good", ooh thanks, I'll bear that in mind. The whole village looks lovely - we went through a few times in summer.

"decorations will be well on the way to being sold out" now that was what I was worried about. No Homebase or B+Q anywhere nearby (and I really don't want us to drive to Cwmbran/Newport for several illogical reasons). I like girly's idea of make-your-own decos - the DC LURVE making paperchains and we could even buy them here and take them over in the case.

"Another suggestion to make it more 'Christmassy' is to order a Cd of hymns and naff Xmas tunes" Ah, now that's one thing I've already got sorted! Music is really important, you're right. I'm taking my Ipod with a small docking station/speaker and we have some really cheesy Christmas CDs preloaded.

The Abergavenny butcher has replied today and is happy to do me a stuffed organic turkey breast, and will take a CC deposit over the phone, so the turkey is probably sorted. Thanks for the recommendation, Kincardine. For some reason I thought a butcher would only do a whole bird.

Apart from that I'm tempted to do what joan suggests and just let go of the specifics. I'll pop into Waitrose when I'm in town anyway, they'll probably have most stuff (but not the Heston pud, dammit, I'm obsessed about that thing), and what they don't have in veg and minge pies will be in Tesco, or even the local greengrocer in Crickhowell (should do my bit to support independent traders).

And since I've not only paid the deposit on the cottage, but the balance ahead of time, the owner might be in a good enough mood with me to do what several of you have suggested and get a tree delivered she might even get me that pudding from Waitrose.

I'm sooo grateful to you all for keeping me focused with this. I'm not normally so headless chicken-like, honestly.

I'm nowhere near Wales or I'd get you the pud :(

Mmmm minge pies

minge pies!!!

If you're flying into Heathrow you will be driving eight miles away from my house on the way to S Wales, and Waitrose is approximately 200 yards from me. pm me re the pud!

Having said all that have you actually spoken to a Waitrose Human Being? I find they normally bend over backwards to be helpful.

Decorations WILL be long gone. Ever tried replacing a string of lights after the end of the second week of December? All that's left are really naff overpriced ones.