Advice on non-alternating christmas plans

[hamncheese]

So, 36 weeks pregnant and will have a 4.5 month old LO at Christmas. Prior to this year DH and I would go our separate ways to respective families on Christmas Day (after breakfast together) and meet up at home in the evening. Obviously we want to be together all day with the LO this year but I really don't want to do the alternating between each side of the family thing each year. So I am trying to make a scenario where we see everyone and get a bit of time just the three of us. Shouldn't be hard as the families are 15/20 mins from us and get together so only two stops. Problem is, one family is going to have us at dinner time and the other isn't. The obvious suggestion would be alternating just the dinner but I really want to form a Christmas tradition, not to mention I'm really set in my ways about having Christmas dinner with my lot. DHs family are very fluid about Christmas, nothing set in stone, Christmas dinner doesn't happen at the same time each year, not always the same place, sometimes isn't turkey etc. Ours is quite rigid (as we like it that way) with presents from 3 and dinner at 5 at my Mums.

My idea is to spend morning at ours the three of us, visit DH's family about 11-3 for presents and then go to my family for presents and dinner after before coming home in the evening.

Just want to know if anyone has any advice on if this is workable as I know DH's Mum will be disappointed, probably not that we won't be having dinner with them but more that DH will be spending less time with her on the day in total IYSWIM. We have discussed it before a few times but come to no conclusions, I think DH is apprehensive due to how his Mum will feel. DH often says that the afternoon with his lot is a bit hectic as he has 4 nephews who get quite rowdy at presents/dinner time, which is not at all what I'm used to!

Also want to make sure I'm not being too inflexible as I love Christmas and am quite stubborn that I won't miss presents/dinner with my lot. If I ask DH what he wants he says he doesn't know and it's too tricky to work out.

Has anyone else had to seemingly "favour" one side of the family for the sake of a yearly tradition?

I think that whatever you decide, you're going to upset someone! The only fair way is to alternate each year.

What about starting a new tradition of your very own and having Christmas at your house? You can invite everyone there - either all at the same time, or staggered.
Or you could do Christmas Day at one house, and Boxing Day at the other - do you really want to be rushing from house to house all day, on a timetable?

Do all your Christmas celebrations have to be on Christmas Day? We have come to a really suitable solution in our families where my side of the family all get together on Christmas Eve and do a big dinner and presents then.

On Christmas Day we have our DC in the house on our own for stockings and Christmas morning excitement before meeting with DH's family for Christmas Day lunch and a'noon.

We did this when I was young and I loved it as it meant Christmas lasted for 2 days with presents and big dinner both days! Also means my DB's and DS who are all married can manage to co-ordinate both sides of their families too.

We used to do the morning at home, lunch with one family, afternoon with another when we were first married but not since children.

I am really sorry but I think you are being inflexible and stubborn about having to have Christmas dinner with your parents. You are a grown up and will have your own family and maybe it is time to start your own traditions. Why not have them all round to your house and then everybody will see your DC all day and you get to see everybody without the faff of going out with a small baby (and believe me it will be a faff and sleep/feeding/any semblance of routine will go right up the creek). If you are worried about the work you can get everybody to either bring a dish or help out on the day.

I would also just say that I love Christmas and presents (whats not to like) but at some point you have to realise it isn't about you any more and just put off having the presents for a few hours.

We used alternated for a couple of years, then on Christmas day tried to fit in my mums house & my dads house on the same day for a couple of years. It was stressful & took away some of the enjoyment to have to be rushing between houses because something would happen & we'd be stuck at one house for longer than the other, we'd feel bad at being late to the next house etc. The last 2 year's we've had most if the day at our own house, just our little family & visited my dad in the evening so we can see my little brother & sister on Christmas day. Boxing day at my mums. It's been somuch nicer & relaxed. Our perfect Christmas!

Tbh, I would either alternate who you see for dinner, or make a new tradition where you stay at home at visit family on boxing day.

It won't be long until your little one will to tired all afternoon from getting up at 5am and will want to play with their Christmas toys.

hamncheese we are expecting DC1 in a couple of weeks and have been thinking about Christmas too. For the last 4 years DH and I have spent Christmas day driving round visiting various relations up to 50 miles away, then heading back home at night (usually exhausted). This year with having LO we have decided to stay at home. Anyone can come and visit during the day up to say 4pm when the door will be closed and we will have dinner ourselves. No doubt this will upset someone, but there are plenty other days over the holiday period when we can have meals with the others.

You sound like a bit of a nightmare tbh. You now have a child with a man and yet you are 'set in your ways' and don't want to spend christmas with rowdy 4-year-olds but you will have a toddler in two years who will be pretty 'rowdy' all being well.

Sorry if I am being harsh but people who insist on staying with their own families, and sticking to a strict and LATE christmas timetable piss me off. Presents at 3pm (meany and kill joyish) and you can't bear some children getting a bit rowdy at present time?

It sounds joyless.

But you could just stay at your home and try and be relaxed.... you might enjoy it.

I think you should get out more.

One family on Christmas eve, one on boxing day and just the 3 of you at home on Christmas day. I do know it's far easier for me to than for you to do though!

You need to be more flexible. Sorry - I think you are being quite selfish.

i think you and your dp should just do what suits you both, and go your own ways at xmas. you might not feel the same for the next xmas

Another vote for having Christmas at yours!!! The first 3 years that we were married we raced around the whole day visiting different sides of the family and tbh, it was exhausting. So for the last 3 years, we've had our 2 immediate families to us ( both sets of parents, our siblings and their families and my gran as she is on her own).
For the first 2 years we still tried to visit other extended family as well as doing the dinner but it was still so rushed.
So last year we said to all extended family that they were more than welcome to visit in the morning and see our sons with their toys etc, but we would be doing no visiting on Christmas day. If there was anyone who we didn't see on Christmas day, we would catch up on Boxing Day.
It made such a difference and I felt like I could actually enjoy Christmas morning properly without clock-watching..... And I love having a busy house at Christmas.... There's such a nice atmosphere!
And I say that as someone who has had major issues with my in-laws in the past, but always realised that I had to be fair to everyone as it was DH's Christmas too, not just mine.
Hope you can work something out that will make everyone happy.