Do you buy for your ex? Is this a bit unreasonable?

[MamaMaiasaura]

Ds1 dad is my ex from over 10 years ago now and he's been with his current partner that long and I've been with dh for 8 yeas. Ds1 lives with us and ex pays maintenance of 120 every month for past 10 years.

Every year ds gets his dad a gift and tis year was no different. I gave him £10 and he got him gloves and a film (went a it over and I subbed him) thing is his dad asked him for set of ear buds for around 20. It seemed a bit much tbh and also a bit of me thinks that ex's gf should be doing this with ds not me.

Also ex wanting ds to spend double what I gave him on top of gloves seemed a bit unfair (he chose them).

You've do.e enough. You've facilitated your som being able to buy his father a gift. What's this about asking your kid for a #20 present? Who's the child here?

Your DS is over the age of 10, presumably? So can't he sort it himself, if you give him a general Christmas present budget? But tell him that he is under no obligation to buy his dad what he asks if it's too expensive or if he just doesn't want to.

And yeah that seems odd for a parent to ask their child for something! I don't think my parents have ever done that - my mum might direct me to her amazon wishlist for ideas, but never anything so prescriptive.

I buy my ex a present of the children but it is only a small token present of a few pounds that they choose themselves.

That's the best i'm doing, I don't buy because I want to but because the children want to so I simply give them a small budget to choose him something and the rest is up to them.

I think him requesting a present is wrong and he would get some homemade pictures instead for being so cheeky!

No he doesn't get for me (and I'm quote happy he doesn't). I've not got for him for his benefit but for ds's so it does piss me off that he's putting in requests. Also he cancelled most of last weekend as only spent Saturday daytime with him shopping for his gf and her family and for his gloves. Then dropped him off before tea. Next time ds sees him is boxing day and then (if he doesn't cancel) new year. Ex is annoyed ds doesn't want to go there for Xmas but they don't celebrate it as such and none of the Santa magic. Here he has a little bro and baby sister and he wants to be here, . His gf doesn't see him as step son and won't let him call her mum tho she is very nice tbh. All her children are adults and for things like their weddings and birthdays and family holidays, ds been excluded. He never goes there for summer, Easter or as hols. Sorry rambling on. He does love ds very much, I know.

Xmas not as

Tbh I think it's very cheeky not just a bit. He knows it'll be you that's paying for it after all!

He's got a cheek, I dont know how he has the nerve to be so demanding of his child when he he is paying so little maintenence. (I know it shouldn't have a bearing but....)

I thought I may have been being a bit unfair in feeling aggreieved so thanks for responses, I see I'm not.

Get him these.

Your ex is being unreasonable. But you are not alone in this bizarre world...

This w.e. my DP's DC said 'mummy says now that you are living with daddy you have to buy him a present from us because she doesn't have to'. (I posted on step-parenting about this as I thought it was a bit unreasonable.)

Anyway, fast forward to this morning, I am out shopping (buying daddy's gift as it happens) and I receive an e-mail from one of the DCs (sent to me and DP) which read... 'I asked mummy what she'd like from us and she says can you get her at least £50 of spacenk vouchers.'

WTF - I can assure you I will be leaving that purchase to DP.

I do not understand grown adults asking for specific presents from children. What the actual jeffers is that about?

Anyway. I 'buy' for the Ex (usually get DD to make something ) and he for me, with DD.

origamirose, Id be sending a poundshop candle - cheeky mare!

I buy for the ex because the girls like to give him something. It's only ever a token gift such as chocolate.

He hasn't always bought for me, which then makes the girls worry that they haven't got me a gift. Obviously I'm not bothered, but they are, so then my mum
usually steps in.

His excuse is that his wife doesn't approve but then he is a Billy bullshit .

Definitely not - dd and ex split two years ago (they all lived with us) he left the week before mother day I asked him if he would be getting dd gift from son or did he want me to, his reply I will always buy gifts for him to give to his mum. Guess what suprise suprise he has never bought one gift.