Christmas day and cooking dinner

[theredhen]

Can I run this past you?

DP and I have been living together for just over a year.

I have no immediate family apart from my son. DP has a parents and a sister and 4 children who will be with us on Christmas day. DP is adamant he doesn't want to spend it at home with just us and the children but wants to spend it with his family instead.

Last year we went to his sisters without his children. This year, I know DP sister doesn't really want us to go to her and was hoping that we would do Christmas dinner for them all - a total of 16/18 people. DP ex wife had Christmas day at ours every year for 15 years - she has set this precedent, so I think they are used to it and we do have the biggest house.

Am I unreasonable to not want to have that many people around on Christmas day especially as actually they are all DP family?

I have said that I will cook the turkey and take it to DP sister and will help with whatever needs doing, but I really don't want that sort of pressure - until I met DP I had never cooked for more than 7 people, ever.

Could Dp cook the dinner?

I think you should give it a go! Maybe ask someone to help you in the kitchen (DP, or his sister perhaps). It's only a pressure if you make it so.

Christmas dinner is no more difficult than a roast dinner; it's just a case of timing. Prepare veg up-front, buy ready-made roasties, whatever, to make it easier for yourself. Set the kids up on a picnic blanket if there isn't room around the table. Get everybody off their backsides to help you clear up afterwards; give the kids jobs to do - it will be done in no time.

The first big Christmas dinner I did I had my mum to help. We put on some loud music, opened the wine, and had a great time in the kitchen. The spuds were a bit overdone, but no-one cared!

Go on, give it a try.

I can't decide whether YABU or YANBU. It depends i suppose on how much you feel you are part of dp's wider life. But if it's 'performance anxiety' that bothers you, there are ways to deal with it.

If you do all the cooking and clearing you will feel like a skivvy in your own house. You need to feel like the hostess.

Whenever we have guests for dinner (the biggest sit-down dinner I have hosted was for 15!) I plan and prepare the meal, but on the day itself dh takes over the kitchen and does all the cooking and dishing up. This means that I can spend some time with the guests, and not worry about the food.

Guests can - and should - bring contributions. Even someone coming from far away can bring a cake or pudding. I have brought trays of roast veg that only needed a final blast in the oven, which can be done while the roast is resting.

Guests can bring fresh veg, which they washed and peeled at their home.

If you don't have enough dishes, you could buy fancy disposable dishes.

After the meal, guests can clear and wash up, just leaving clean dry things to be put away.

At any point that someone else is doing kitchen job, you must stay out of the kitchen and leave them to get on with it.

If you behave like the hostess, require, expect and allow others to help, and if your dp actively supports you in this, then it should work out well.

DP is fine for prepping veg and clearing up but he can't really "cook".

Ohhh, ladyintheradiator, what I wouldn't give for a DP who could cook....... count yourself lucky.

You shouldn't end up alone in the kitchen cooking for them all. Can you say to them that, while you're happy to have it at your house, you're just not up to doing that kind of cooking so would need a lot of assistance in the kitchen? If you're lucky, you'll have loads of people in the kitchen with you all mucking in.

Cant Dp cook? It at least needs to be a joint effort for that many guests. Makes no difference whose side of the family they are if you actually aren't going to enjoy Christmas yourself - have you discussed this with dp?

Of course he can cook. He just doesn't want to.

In that case you plan, dp preps, guests bring substantial contributions, you cook, dp dishes up, and his family clear away and wash up.

As for the planning, pre-prep, and cooking on the day, start a new thread asking for planning help, and you will have a menu and timetable worked out for you within 48h

Do it but everyone brings a starter or dessert. Your DP buys whatecver veg he will prepare and supplement with (decent) supermarket veg in ready microwaveable bags (seriously how many pans/cooker rings do you have?). You do turkey, trimmings, roast potatoes and anything else you fancy.

Agree now next year you hit the slopes or the beach or a cottage in the Cotswolds. The worse thing ever is everyone expecting the same the next 15 years.

Thanks for the replies. I do feel a bit more confident about it now IF I can get everyone involved. It might be too late for this year as DP sister has reluctantly said that she will do it. I think I got a bit offended when she asked DP in front to me what was happening for Christmas when she knows full well I would be doing most of the work. But I will talk to DP tonight and then talk to DP sister.

Dp wouldn't want to be anywhere else but with his family on Christmas day and he always sees his kids on Christmas day even if they aren't with us for dinner so no chance of sloping off anywhere next year which is a bit of a shame.

We are lucky in that we have a double oven and 8 rings although I might have to dig out some of my pans from the loft (we both had our own cooking utensils etc. before we met).

Yes, big pans is the key - borrow if necessary!!

Go on, be brave.....

Well, it's decided. I am doing Xmas dinner at mine this year. DP sister has been informed. I have asked if she will cook the turkey we provide at her house, to save me that nightmare.

The thing is I was going to have them all round one day over Xmas anyway and this way, I get help with the cooking whereas I wouldn't have done otherwise. and it means I will get an extra day to myself alone with my DS over Christmas too.

I might start another thread asking for tips and advice.

Well done.

I'm sure you'll get a whole heap of advice if you ask for it!