AIBU - to offer to do christmassy stuff with DD7 who cannot be bothered

[omydarlin]

soooo annoyed DD7 is going through a phase it seems whereby she only wants to do activities that involve screens ie. Moshi Monsters (we have a rule everyday has to be good then she can have time), Wii Mario Cart or watching DVDs. I try to limit the time on them all but eevrytime you suggest something to her she doesnt want to do it and has a hissy fit.
She has a lovely fabric advent calendar with christmas activities and she quite frankly can not be bothered to do them - I offer to help and its all not now and whining etc. Yesterday I wrapped DH Christmas present in a plain brown packaging and suggested she might like to get the paints out and stamp some christmas designs (new stamps purchased excitedly the other day) "maybe" she says. She has always been generally very good about coming shopping etc with me even doing the weekly shop - now she whines and says "i cant do all this". The last straw was today when I asked her to think about making a nice card/poem for her teachers she has started to whinge - "i have a card making kit at Nanny's i'll do it tommorrow etc". I am a bit you said you'll do your homework then ( a rather nice activity researching angels). She has also begged me for a little tapestry kit n hobbycraft and then only finished about three rows before putting it in the draw and not bothering again.

I don't know if IABU to be honest I always THOUGHT she was quite crafty and loved painting etc for example she has just come downstairs and informed me she is making a fan - maybe her interests have changed though. I have only recently bought a chest of draws for all her paper/pens /craft and stuff to live in though!! Also her school seems to have been preoccupied with "making things" for Christmas fair since the beginning of November maybe she has been put off? In addition DH is v relaxed in the home he doesn't really do any activities apart from watch Tv and go on computer - he is not what i'd call "handy".

I guess the crux of it is she is an only child - always been and independent player etc maybe she is bored ..she has grown up a bit since starting Yr 3 too.

She just comes across as so whingey, lazy and ungrateful sometimes I find it hard not to snap at her "forget it then" which really does not help. But she really does turn on the tears easily and whine when I suggest something she doesn't want to do.

Anyone gone through any similar experiences - any words of advice??

[hopeful emoticon]

She sounds so much like my DD at that age, she's now 10.

I've come to realise that she is very creative and arty-crafty but it has to be done in her own way at her own time, and she does not want me to help. She loves me to do stuff alongside her as long as I don't interfere with hers.

We had a dreadful year with the advent calendar a couple of years ago, everything was "rubbish" and she was like a mini-teen. "Whingey, lazy and ungrateful" sums it up nicely. But take heart 'cos she's a sweetie again now, often to be found sewing away in a corner somewhere.

In you position (and with hindsight) I'd limit the screen time but otherwise let her do what she wants. I bet she'll scream and moan like anything when you first impose a ban, then an hour later she'll have found herself something arty to get on with.

your position

oh, and yanbu

Thank you cadelaide - I do really try to limit the screen time I am so very much against it which is why I try to arrange all these activities and stuff, but it is hard. You are definitely right about wanting to do things on her own she is currently printing wrapping paper - I started to this by myself whilst she was sulking in her room she came down and decided she'd like to help - but then she asked to do it on her own after I showed her what to do - maybe I interfere too much lol! Although she likes doing things on her own though she very much has to be around people so very rarely plays in her room for a long length time.

I will try to limit it to further though. Seems like a bit of a moshi addiction!

What about activities that don't involve a 'product' or crafty stuff? Would she enjoy board games or would that also be met with complaints?

unfortunately seems like anything is met with complaints at the minutes she has asked me three times today so far if she can go on Moshi Monsters and I told her first thing that she could only go onit at the end of the day when I was satisfied that she had been good etc - she asked to go on again ten mins ago and is now slamming , crying and banging things because i've said no. I will just ignore her and hope she calms down see if she wants to play Polly pocket or something. She has been asking for the monthly membership there's no way she is going to get anything at this rate - it makes me laugh she is shouting feeling sorry for herself upstairs the madam!

She is generally a very good little girl but can be quite spirited at times has been since birth - very warm and loving though but she does lose her rag a bit. Its just all this whining and tears does my head in surely she is past that by now !

If I were you I'd just not ask her to help with making stuff at the moment, rather do it yourself and see if she asks to help. I would if possible remove myself from her if she starts tantrumming, it has much less impact when your audience refuses to listen! Or you could insist she goes to her room until she is ready to be sociable again.

I think too much screen gaming hypes DC up and can result in stroppy behaviour. Be careful to have a quiet time before bed reading or something but no computer games, it can take a while to relax properly from an exciting game and it could affect her sleep, which in turn will affect her mood. She may also be tired towards the end of term.

Don't feel bad about the screen time, DS1 is 12 and I have to tell him several times a day to get off the pc and do something else. He just heaves a sigh of resignation nowadays, but goodness me the tantrums we have seen!

I am having the same problem with DD1 age 5! Except the Polly Pockets are the preferred option. I am just doing the activities myself, and really enjoying it - she has joined me a few times, and yesterday she was most annoyed I had completed the Paint-by-numbers robin canvas!