Dh says Christmas is about "feasting" - help!

[MrsEricBana]

I am feeling down about Christmas - wanted to make it lovely for everyone but without it all being about consumption (in both the food and material sense). On Xmas day it will be me, dh, ds (11), dd (8) plus my mother, dh father and his partner, and in evening dh's sister, her husband and dh cousin coming too. So I asked dh and the dc what element of Xmas really makes it Xmas for them, thinking that I could ensure that all those things happened for them and then try and keep it relatively simple otherwise. So the dcs say stockings, seeing Grandma etc, which is only right and proper, and dh said "feasting" :-( I feel really flat about this as 1) it will all fall to me 2) I have really tried to watch what I eat this year in an attempt to lose some weight and while clearly one day makes no difference, the idea of "feasting" as being the meaning of Xmas just doesn't seem right. Dh sees this as being terrible on my part as his (late) mother was a fantastic homemaker and made everything herself from Xmad pud to cake to sausage rolls to mince pies etc and my reluctance to do so makes me a bad wife and mother (seemingly), not having same views as him etc. I do want everyone to have a lovely meal but this has really made me feel low. I know this is not aibu, but if I am, feel free to say!
Ideally I would like to do one of those turkey crowns or M&S turkey joint things with the usual trimmings but now I feel like I am somehow letting the side down.
Sorry, I know this seems trivial and pathetic in the grand scheme but surely there should be more to Xmas than this. Thoughts please. Thanks.

To be honest, I think you're making a bigger deal of this than you need to. You asked what was important to him, he told you - it doesn't matter that it's not what you wanted to hear, everyone's different!

If cooking an elaborate Christmas dinner isn't your thing (and though I adore it myself I can see that it wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea!), by all means get it from M&S and just stick everything in the oven at the right time. It's very easy and still damn tasty, he'll have absolutely no grounds for complaint.

Good for you for wanting to give your family their favourite parts of Christmas, but do bear in mind that if your favourite thing is not being stuck in the kitchen all day, you're entitled to that too!

Actually, if I were you I'd take a leaf out of my book: I do all the prep in advance and either freeze things or leave them in the fridge on Christmas Eve, so on Christmas Day I start out with what you'd have if you went with M&S: a big pile of stuff in ovenable dishes, that just needs to be stuck in at the right time. I write out a timetable of when everything need to go into and come out of the oven, stick it up in the kitchen with a pen, and tell everyone who goes through the kitchen during the day to check it and do anything that needs to be done. So DH, my sister and my dad help out with it all, but only in small ways, and I get to spend the day having fun rather than peeling sprouts and throwing goose fat around the place. It's a doddle : )

Get DH to peel all the veg. Everyone has to start somewhere when they learn to cook!

I have just been reminded of the fact that my former MIL decided one year to do an M&S turkey crown and the garnish pack of stuffing balls and pigs in blankets, tub of ready made gravy, and did the potatoes and veg herself, and it was the best she'd ever done! It was almost effortless apart from the veg peeling.

It did occur to me that the OP's MIL didn't enjoy all the cooking, but did it in order to get all the praise and acclaim, and martyred herself for the cause. I guess she was a bit of a control freak in the kitchen and everything had to be done just so, which is why DH hasn't a clue about what hard work it is. Also, given the option of sitting around while you do everything will be expected by the family if that's what they are used to.