Help me to enjoy christmas, so the dc do too. (please)

[schroeder]

ds said I take the fun out of christmas.

I'll be honest I hate christmas, but I do try and make it fun for the dc, but am obviously failing.

Mostly I hate the feeling that I must enjoy it.

Stupid bloody christmas another thing to make me feel guilty and inadequate...

People who feel guilty and inadequate are not the most fun to be around at any time of year - why do you feel like that? Are you having counselling?

Was your son just being mean in the heat of an argument or was he raising a genuine issue? How old are your DC? And why do you hate Christmas so much?

If I'm asking too many questions do punch stop me!

Can you pin point what you don't enjoy? Is it the stress and hassle of getting everything done?

tempted to punch Not having counselling- is it too weird not to like christmas!?

dc are 9 and 13

I hate christmas because I don't believe in it, because it is soo expensive, because it makes everybody forget my birthday. (selfish/childish)

I feel guilty and inadequate because I am a Mother (duh).

It's not weird not to like Christmas but if your 9 year old is saying you take the fun out of it, something is amiss.

My best friend hated Christmas but it was to do with the 27 crappy Christmasmasses spent with her parents. She had a tough time trying not to transfer those feelings onto her children but she says she managed and quite likes it all now. Often if you play the part of enjoying yourself, you have a better time in reality too.

Do you know what your children would like Christmas to be like with you? (I realise I am in line for a battering now)

Is money an issue OP? is that why you feel bad?
You can still do fun things without making it about Christmas. It's about being with your family and enjoying them.
You should make the effort whilst they are still young enough to be making memories, 5 or 6 years from now you'll have two teenagers and the Christmas magic won't be the same!

Buy yourself something special, something that you really want (not need!) and wrap it and save it for Christmas day.. Then you'll have something to look forward to!

Can you think of your ideal day with your family that you know you would enjoy and find a way to incorporate into Xmas. I got fed up with Xmas for a while and really all I wanted was a chilled out day with dh and dc's so now we spend it just us, I don't cook we just get in lots of lovely picky foods, we play with the dc's and watch a good film. Probably dull to some but we like it.

I know you are all being nice, but stuff like 'christmas magic' and 'play the part' only makes it worse.

It's enforced fun, all the other days in the year you can do what you like, but on Christmas day YOU MUST HAVE FUN. argghh!

when's your birthday?

(this might be a way to provide a solution)

Shortly before Christmas, I'd rather not give it out exactly.

Christmas is coming regardless of how you feel about it. You should TRY to enjoy it because, well, what's the alternative? Being grumpy about it? Isn't that just enforcing bad mood on your DCs?

This isn't fair (but obv you know that as that's why you're posting).

Can you plan a birthday party for yourself in the New Year? Email some mates, ask them if they'd like to go out on x date and say you're planning to delay your birthday this year as you want to concentrate on Christmas. Then - get Christmassy!

okay, so what you can do, is do the build-up to christmas as usual, and put all the christmas decorations up, and ask everyone what they want for christmas etc.

then you make sure that your family has a proper little party for you on your birthday.
(If you have to, explain to your DS that it's your birthday and that you want the same fuss made for you as you make for them, and that you will be more likely to enjoy christmas if you can celebrate your birth - don't know if you're religious, but you could also point out about it being Jesus' birthday and that it's only fair that you get to celebrate your birthday)
That way, you know that you'll get your birthday celebrations, and then you'll (hopefully) feel better about christmas with your family.

Now I feel guilty for not taking your advice too.

I don't want a birthday party, either, that would come under 'enforced fun'.

Oh I sound horrible.

Have you asked your ds exactly what you 'take the fun out of'?
I hated Christmas for until a couple of years ago and actually used to dread the day because I was spending it with my mum who (as much as I love her) used to make the day hellish because she was so stressed. We all felt like we were walking on eggshells because she was so stressed out about everything being perfect and timed to the exact minute, when actually all we wanted was to chill out. Eventually I got old enough (and bolshy enough) to tell her exactly what she was saying and doing and she was able to change it. Now she is 1000 times better. I'm not saying that you are anything like my mum but it may be a good idea to ask DS where you are going wrong and what would help to improve it. Otherwise you'll feel awful worrying on Xmas Day.

schroeder I'm a lot like you and my birthday is Christmas Day so I wonder if that's why.
I do a good job of faking it but I think everybody knows I don't particularly enjoy it tbh.
The bits I like are seeing the kids faces when they open their stocking and I like Christmas dinner because it's good food and I enjoy sitting eating together.
I hate the shopping and the tree and decorations tbh.
I try and have five minutes to myself every couple of hours even if it means doing a chore in the kitchen.
It's only a couple of days and then everything's back to normal anyway

I hated birthdays, everyone's but especially mine, until recently. That's why I looked at your post.

I realised eventually that it was because of how isolated DH and I are from are families. I handle them much better now by making them 'mine' or special in some way. That doesn't mean trying to make it amazing for everyone else: that results in a nervous breakdown from me. But I do make sure things are in place for everyone to have a nice time and also I make something I like happen. I also definitely call family and friends.

When did you start hating Christmas? Did anything else happen or begin around that time

sorry I didn't mean to press post the. DS came up for something.

If I feel freaked out I go off by myself for a bit. DH has seen enough of me getting upset to not bat an eyelid at that.

Last year - by accident - I cooked the turkey dinner on Christmas eve. It actually made chritmas day ace as we sat around playing with our presents and scoffing leftovers. I think Christmas day can be too much of a hothouse.

Start Xmas morning with a baileys! Trust me, it's never too early for baileys on Xmas day, have it with your breakfast.

I have a Xmas birthday too, don't mind it much though as it usually means a bumper stock of chocolate. I'm easily pleased!

I'm sure a lot of people feel the same as you OP - even if their birthdays are nowhere near Xmas! It can make people feel inadequate because of the pressure to have a good time / produce amazing food and presents. My DH hates it for the same reasons as you - we're not religious, it's stressful and expensive and very consumerist, encouraging people to buy unnecessary presents. (Disclaimer: I can't argue with this, but still love Xmas myself, sorry!) He enjoys it a lot more now that I do all the xmas prep - cards, presents etc - which I love doing anyway. How about your DP taking some of the weight off, if you have to do a lot of the preparations?

Other ideas ...

internet shopping
cooking in advance / prepared food
keeping things simple and not trying to please everyone

HTH

in that case, don't have a party, but make it clear that it's your birthday, and that you don't want christmas to overshadow it.

and buy all your christmas dinner food wrapped up from iceland (frozen, and thrown in the oven) (other brands of frozen christmas dinners are available )

And then have a glass of bailey's on christmas morning, put the slade record on and let your DCs run the show!