What do I do about charitably-minded DD2 for christmas?

[Themumsnot]

She is 11 and very Christian, the rest of us are happily atheist, but DD has been confirmed, goes to church every Sunday and takes part in Christian youth groups etc. When asked what she wants for Christmas, she says she wants nothing and to give the money we would have spent on her to charity.
Now she is a lovely girl, and I know she means it, but realistically how is that going to play out on Christmas morning when her sisters have piles of presents to open and she doesn't?
I thought perhaps I could look for a charity that she could have some personal involvement with, eg where she could sponsor a child or contribute directly to a worthwhile project and donate to that on her behalf (and she could then if she wanted to set up a DD out of her pocket money, she also says she wants to give her pocket money to charity, but I am going to suggest she does 10% of it a month rather than all of it, which is unsustainable). But I think she should have some presents to open on Christmas day as well.
So question is:
Should I go along with what she wants
Can anyone suggest a suitable charity
Any good suggestions for presents for an 11 year old who says she doesn't want anything!
And if you've got to the end of that epic, thanks!

Oxfam unwrapped have some good things - they also have some big things so she could save her 10% for a year to get one / do a fundraising thing with people at church?

Let me have a think!

world vision sponsor a child

lots of charity ideas here

Well, I'm a Christian and I believe that Christians are called to work towards a more equal sharing of the world's resources and I find it sad that we mark Jesus's birth with a massive display of materialism. But I also believe that we are not called to deny ourselves completely but to enjoy the good things of this world - just in a way that doesn't exploit or harm others. So I give some of the money that we might have otherwise spent on material stuff (a less rubbish mobile, car, TV etc) to charity and try and spend what I do spend wisely - fair trade, ethically produced etc where I can.

I think it's lovely that your daughter is so thoughtful and caring. But I also think it's unhealthy to go too far down the road of self-denial. I knew someone at uni who was obsessed about not spending money on herself because she could give it all away and she had an eating disorder and all sorts of issues - don't want to alarm you, obviously your daughter's a long way from that, but she does need a different perspective.

So why don't you try and combine giving some money to charity on her behalf with buying her a few small, lovely and ethically produced gifts from charities. All the big ones have websites and you can get lovely accessories, stationery, chocolate etc. You could also do the thing Oxfam do where you buy a specific 'gift' for the developing world and some of those come with something for the recipient too - e.g. some chocolate. Some charities have moved away from the sponsorship model because it's seen as unhelpful, but others still do it - I think Action Aid do.

Also - maybe speak to someone at her church to make sure she's not getting unhelpful messages there.

I seem to have typed almost as much as you! I'm procastinating, partly - but your story touched me. Hope it works out.

Plan do a sponsorship of a child which is meant to be very well run, perhaps she could participate in that? Are all these ideas really her own? Just mentioning that because while she sounds lovely it seems a little extreme for an 11 year old. Our church would not encourage children to give away all their money like this, in fact they would discourage.

Are there things she'd like you could buy from a charity so she gets something to unwrap but feels like it's been donated (EG, oxfam do nice chocolates etc
oxfam fair trade selection box

Your DD sounds just like me at her age! I resolutely took myself off to church by myself for years. I think you're right about the presents though. Try traidcraft? traidcraft

Thank you everybody for all your lovely and helpful suggestions. I will definitely go with the idea of buying her presents from Fairtrade/charities. She is very into crafts and handmade type stuff anyway, so I am sure I can find some nice bits that are ethically sourced.
Pottering - that's a really useful website, thank you.
Dotty - I don't think she is under pressure from the church, it is our CoE parish church and I know the people there well from lots of community stuff I do, they are not at all the extreme type. I think this is coming from inside herself. But thanks for the warning - I can relate to the story of your uni friend and will keep an eye out for any signs of extreme self-denial.
Bunny - I will look at Plan, thank you. I do think these are her own ideas, as I said to Dotty, but I will keep an eye on it. She is really a lovely, generous girl, but at that age I think sometimes you can get a little carried away.

Yes, I'm sure you don't need to worry about an 11 year old who wants to help other people - it's a good thing, not a cause for concern. As long as she understands that it is OK to have fun and enjoy having nice things too. Hope you all have a lovely time and find a balance that works.