Buying presents.... has anyone managed to reduce their list?!

[NewChoos]

without any ill feeling in the family?
I am still buying for my 20+ nephews etc and really would like to stop.....

I have suggested not buying for the parent adults (ie my sisters and DH) but I don't think the idea was well received either!
I have just had a DS so they will be buying for him which makes not buying for their adult children trickier.

Hope I don't seem mean, do people carry on buying for nieces/nephews forever??

How old are the children? I know my parents bought for my cousins until they were 18.

We no longer buy gifts at Christmas for DH's brother and SIL, we but for our young nieces instead. I buy for my siblings as no children involved.

When I was younger my parents bought gifts for nieces and nephews until they were adults, then not after that.

22, 21, 18 & 14

Just realised it sounds like I have 20 nephews! Sorry - I meant age obviously :)

On my side we stop individual presents at 18, and then just send nice wine/chocs/biscs as an 'our house to yours' present (by nice I mean M&S not Harrods). From about 14 up, a token present is quite acceptable.
Unfortunately on DH's side this kind of logical thinking is verboten. Not to be discussed. MIL is a tyrant about it. And it is really frustrating to watch BIL/SIL buying us presents they can ill afford when they are tens of thousands in debt, and for the dc to receive 5 presents each from her when she is living on a pension. There is even a bit of an atmosphere if two sections of family decide to put together and buy someone something that they might actually want or need. But we have had words so many times over the years I can argue no more.
It is silly. I would rather receive a bottle of fizzy pop and have a lovely evening with them on the Wii or the karaoke.

OP -''I have just had a DS so they will be buying for him which makes not buying for their adult children trickier.''
As for all these years you have been forking out for siblings' kids, I don't think you should feel guilty at them having to buy for one child of yours.
It is a bit awkward when there are imbalances in numbers. I am always a little dubious when people suggest only buying for kids and not the adults as I think this is rather unfair on Grandparents and siblings with no kids. In my own case if we did the kids only thing, we would be forking out for 8 when we only have the one child of our own.
Regarding your original q re stopping buying - do they buy for you? I had generous (childless) aunts who always bought for us but from about the age of 12, I bought something for them out of my pockest money and then as soon as I had decent money from Saturday job I always bought good presents for them.
I have found that this doens't seem to happen with my nieces and nephews - I think they should be encouraged to reciprocate in some way when they are old enough.

Assuming the nephews don't recipricate just send a box of biscuits/tin of sweets/bottle of wine addressed to the whole family. If the nephews do reciprocate then you'll have to talk about not exchanging gifts beforehand, but I bet they'd be as pleased as you to stop.

We only buy for GPs, and DC, we bought for bil's and sil's until they had children and now we just buy for the children.

GPs get a gift from our DD, not one from us and one from her, same for their
birthdays.

Over the last couple of years we've managed to drop off the neighbours DC and friends DC except for DHs Godson.

Well I have finished the present buying and it was £500 for relatives (not including DS and DH). I am feeling really fed up about the amount of money and also being asked for gift vouchers as I just don't think this is the spirit of gift giving. I really want to say this is the last year we are exchanging presents (for my side of the family anyway) but I know this won't be well received. I might say, as I am working part time now, we'll be cutting back.

I am feeling resentful, feel it viewed that I was working full time, no children, expectations were high for presents from me and the truth is no thought was put back in return. I'm on maternity leave and just don't have as much cash but this wouldn't cross some minds. In fact I can just see once sisters face if she didn't get expensive presents. This is the same sister who didn't buy me a gift after she had a baby as 'christmas is for children really'
And no, the nephews don't buy for us, I see 2 of them about once a year and get a thank you via fb for their birthday cheque!
Grrrr sorry if I seem like the grinch! But I needed to let off steam.

Oh, this is an issue that really annoys me too. We rarely see nephews (SIL kids, not into visiting family, no fall out - they are 18 and 25 btw), when they were younger I would send money and never receive thanks. Last year she told me I had missed their birthdays and then said laughing "well, they're only interested in the cash in the card" as though that were a perfectly acceptable attitude. I haven't done anything this year and she (in her 50's and very comfortably off) made a comment that we hadn't put any money in her birthday card. I've been telling DH to stop for ages. She doesn't do anything for our birthdays and even forgot DH's last "significant birthday". She does make noises about buying for our (young) children but then just gives us cash when she (rarely) sees us which DH usually refuses as he thinks it is odd. I used to love getting parcels from absent Aunts and Godparents but she just doesn't make the effort.

DH hates all present giving (not me or kids so long as I tell him what I want) and given his family present weirdness I can't blame him!

Sorry, no ideas as to how you deal with your dilemma but you are not alone!

I have 4 brothers and sisters and 2 of them have children - I only buy for their children but give my single brother a small gift. My other brother has a girlfriend who has 2 children so I now get gifts for them rather than him. I am swithering what to do about the older children of my brother (and sister in law) as they are 21 and 18. It will be a tin of chocolates or one of those alcohol gift sets for about £5 probably.

Sorry for all the typo's. Typing fast as annoyed!!

The inequality of present giving is an issue. I am fed up of being seen as the 'cash cow' (DH laughs at this). I feel like stopping all together, but then feel that DS will miss out. But I guess we'll more than make up for any lack of present from family.
20+ years of resentment has finally caught up with me. Someone spray with some festive spirit (or preferably give me something to drink!)

We have a massive family - mum is one of 6 so there are lots of aunts/uncles/cousins etc of varying ages. We now seem to have moved into buying for whoever we are actually seeing on the day - apart from parents and siblings who we buy for regardless. If we are having a big family christmas ie 25+ people attending (all family) then the gifts are very much token gestures. It almost becomes part of the fun to find something they might like for very little money.

I have cut down this Christmas due to lack of funds but for some reason I'm having more fun, I've made cakes and soap for family and friends and I'm so proud of myself

My friends family manage to do a secret santa very well - think the budget is £50 or £100 and they pick names from a hat as to which person they buy for. I think its great and would love to do it in theory......but I fear I may be a bit miffed on the day as part of the fun is exchanging gifts!

We buy for nieces and nephews until they are 21. Although me and my sister will both have a 22 year old this year and will get them a very small token gift. Eg a pair of silly socks, bar of chocolate or some novelty thing that will only cost a couple of quid. Mainly because we have a big family party just after Christmas and exchange presents there.

These threads make me glad I'm from a tiny family!

It amazes me how grabby some people can get around Xmas. My DSCs are such lovely lovely teenagers, they are always grateful for the stuff we get them (which isn't all that much, they know we are not wealthy) - but there's some weird tradition probably started by their mother that they always grumble/joke about my FIL only giving them £5 each at Xmas - he's got 20 grandkids FGS!

I would wait until Xmas has blown over and then get as many people on side as you can, to come up with a mutual arrangement of only getting a family gift. There seems little point in moving so much money around in voucher form. Or a Secret Santa could work well.

We are buying for just the children (own 2 and total of 7 nieces and nephews) and grandparents this year (6 of them including steps), but not for my brother and SIL or DH's brother and SIL. But we do send token items to my step-siblings because they buy for my DCs and don't have DCs of their own. Oh so complicated!

DH stopped buying his (grown up) neice and nephews when we had DD. Then this year we have discussed it and have stopped buying for/being bought from his neices DDs and my neice and nephew. This has saved us 7 gifts, and we have 5 DCs so it's quite a big saving all round. The DCs won't even notice in among the mountains of tat the whole family buy them anyway. We haven't bought for siblings for about 5 years now either, we just can't afford to.