Couple of Q's re GPs & Christmas

[lizardqueenie]

Really should have put this on 2 threads but would be grateful for advice on the following 2 issues:

1. my DP's buying DD too many presents for Christmas. I know they want to spoil her, first GC to them etc but feel they especially my DM will go ott. Want them to have fun & pick things out they like rather than be mean & say get x,y,z but concerned about my parents finances which are often difficult & ending uo with tons of toys in the house, setting a precedent for my DM buying DD something new everytime we go out/ see her which is at least a couple of times a week at the mo. DD is only 1 & want her to not grow to expect new things all the time. How do I avoid this & point DM in direction of some lasting toys that aren't ott?

2. DH'a folks who make Scrooge mcduck look cheery at Xmas. We're due to go to them this year but they are very, ahem, unspirited, at Xmas, no tree despite small DGC's & grumpiness all the way through Xmas dinner. How do I get around this? Wouldn't mind having them here but don't have space for them & other family that come as a package. Also any ideas on this?

Thanks& apologies for lots of waffle

1. can you make one suggestion for a special toy then maybe advise them to invest in DD child trust fund for the rest of the money they'd spend?

2. If you visit IL, maybe DD can open her present from them in their presence and you can all make a big fuss and play with her, making children and their amazement about Xmas the centre of the day? We always take DS for a walk for GP as this is what DS enjoys most and moves us all away from tricky heavy going indoors times.
   If IL are tricky, shorter is better in my experience and DC tend to switch the atmosphere from dull to magical for Xmas :-) especially as DC grow older and get more and more excited about Xmas

DH has had rather tense relationship with his FIL and SM but our DS has shifted the atmosphere. FIL tend to give my DS money that he invests for him straight away but on the rare occasion when he gave DS a real present, no matter what it was, DS has been over the moon so I make a big fuss about this hoping this would encourage FIL to get more of the cheap presents that mean a lot more to DS than money at the moment (DS is 4).

Regarding 1) this won't help for Christmas, but as your DD gets older, steer your DM towards comics (CBeebies, etc) as good things to buy for her when they see her. From my DD's experience, they can never have too many, and they are very useful when you're trying to have a coffee or a meal out in peace (even if she can't read them, there are plenty of stickers, colouring pictures, and the free toy to keep her entertained). Once used, they conveniently pop in the recycling box and don't clog up your house!

For 1) I personally would make it clear that I don't want my children to be given gifts every time GPs see the children. We have it that my parents give my DDs presents just for Christmas and Birthday and then smaller gifts for Easter and when they come back from holiday. So when my mum sees something for my DDs, I always say 'that's lovely - why don't you put it away for Christmas / Birthday / Easter etc.

For 2) I probably wouldn't bother going to ILs. In fact, I don't . Personally, I think Christmas is primarily for the DC, and I would want to do what is right by them. We always spend Christmas morning in our own house. Could you perhaps just pop over for tea instead? I certainly wouldn't want my DCs to have miserable Christmasses.

It's difficult when GPS see the DC often, but I would also make it clear that they don't need a present every time, and certainly not toys. Limit to certain times.

If the ILS are local or only a short distance away, I'd just go for a short time, and not have lunch there. What does DH want to do, could you go another day instead, as it is so joyless, or would he be happy with a short visit on the day? Their grumbling all though dinner sounds really unsociable and unwelcoming, do you think that they are actually sick of hosting Christmas but feel it is expected of them. In which case I would be looking for an opportunity not to go in future.

Hello everyone & thanks for your thoughtful replies

Great ideas there with presents & I like the one about the comics too. The kind ofthing that DM does is say buy DD hungry caterpillar something or I see something nice that's hungry caterpillar & then she'll go & buy everything that is that brand. Like in a shop the other day she wanted to get a pepper pig toy that i just knew was like lots of things DD already had so she wouldn't really gain anything from it.
Think the idea about 1 present & then adding to her trust fund is an excellent idea. I will keep that in mind.

Re the inlaws oh I'm so glad that people understand and don't think I'm just being catty about then. They always have my SIL & her DH & 2 kids over, but even then it was v grouchy but SIL won't go to her IL iyswim, I just think they all don't really know how to enjoy Christmas & dont really feel comfortable enough to "get the party started" at their house. DH actually apologised on boxing day for the way the last Xmas day we spent with them went though I think his memory is short. Thing is DD still needs to have a nap or 2 during the day& there is more chance of her doing that either here or at my DM's. Also they have a tradition of going to the pub which I was quite happy to do pre-DD but really don't what to spend dd's Xmas day in a pub to then go to their house to have no conversation just grunting around the telly. Mieow!