DH is doing Christmas this year [grin]. How

[Lexilicious]

We had a chat at the weekend about what sort of Christmas we'd like - relaxed, possibly in pyjamas, nobody round at ours, duty visits after Boxing Day. We have one DS (2y5m at that point) so there will be no shortage of excitability.

Then I had a stroke of genius. "Tell you what dear, would you like to project manage Christmas this year?"

"mmm, maybe, what would it involve?"

"Well, you know, planning what presents to get people, who to send cards to, when they need to be posted. Getting a tree, decorating the house, buying in food. I'll be your sous-chef and present wrapper, any jobs you like, you just tell me what's got to happen and when."

I mentioned that the Ocado delivery pass Chistmas order slots opened on the 31st. He's decided he can't think up £90 worth of shopping at this far advance notice, so he'll risk the supermarket in the week before Christmas. . So I will say NOTHING more about food purchasing. If we end up having turkey pate on crackers from the corner shop, that's Fiiiiiiiiine by me.

I feel a huge weight off my shoulders. Like I've just abdicated responsibility for some enormous chore. Anyone else placing bold and possibly foolhardy levels of trust in family this year? This could either be the start of a fabulously lax tradition, or a baseline of understanding so future efforts are appreciated. OR he could do an amazing job and make it really special. I am truly fascinated as to what's going to happen...

< claps and cheers >

Yay - however, can you prewarn all your friends and family this is why they might not get cards/gifts?

I'd also point out to him that he could book the ocado slot with 4 bottles of champange and change it to what he actually wants closer to the date... (This way, there is at least an order coming and you'll be able to sneekily log in and add things you want to eat to his order)

Well done! As long as you're truly happy with turkey pate on crackers you've got nothing to lose. Have fun! (Will be requiring post-Christmas update)

That is fantastic. The year DD was born she was 4 weeks at xmas. Luckily I had already bought the presents in the summer so DH managed the food. It was probably my best christmas ever! (If I had left him to do presents he just buys everyone a voucher).

For the meal he went out with DD to M&S and bought pre-prepared stuffed turkey joint in a foil tray, aunt bessies for the trimmings and foil tray of spuds. We had a cheesecake for pudding and he even did pate and toast for starter. It was brilliant! I sat with DD in a sling with a napkin over her head in case I spilled gravy on her. We spent the day unwrapping presents and eating cheese!!

I'm not sure I could get him to do it again. Oh and he def wouldnt send any christmas cards either.

Wow! You are very brave!! I would LOVE to be brave enough to do that, but we have 6dc and would be a bit of gamble as would hate them to have a miserable Chritsmas!! (plus I'd never get DH to agree anyway!) (oh and also I think I have some sort of issues with control LOL)
Hope it all goes well, and sit back and enjoy!

my dh's idea of being in charge is "What have We bought my mum for Christmas?" - on CHristmas eve.

Actually, he is so bad that he doesnt even ask what the kids have for CHristmas as he likes it to be a surprise!! Big kid.

I dont actually mind, as this way I get to do Christmas my way. He gives no input, so has no right to comment.

Sounds like a great idea! Our Christmases are relatively straightforward at the moment, but will bear it in mind in case it all ever gets too much of a burden on me!

What a good idea! I'm going to shamelessly rip-off your idea.

You might want to mention (as the poster above said) that you CAN put in a "skeleton" order for online groceries up to the minimum amount and then change it closer to the time (just don't forget to change it!).

Enjoy your Christmas!

Fair play to you! There's no way I could bring myself to do that, I'd be too disappointed when it went wrong. I told DH this year that he could do Halloween and I'd do Christmas - so he put the Halloween decorations up on Saturday afternoon and was carving pumpkins in between answering the door to trick-or-treaters! I dread to think what he'd do to Christmas.

We've sort of reached a compromise over the years where I look after Christmas and anything travel-related (actually, pretty much anything that involves long-term planning) and he does all the DIY. It suits me!

Well thanks all - my secret weapon is that he's not a numpty. He's a good (if chaotic) cook, and fully takes responsibility for presents to his own family.

He's not exactly starting from zero - we have a whole box of decorations, lots of Christmas cards from the ends of packets in previous years, and probably wrapping paper too. It's just not going to be all handmade and 'poncetastic'! I may have left myself the harder job here, when I just have to zip it if tempted to say "have you thought about [some critical aspect] yet?" Still, I may do a skeleton booze order as Lydia/Biscuit suggests... (is there any maximum amount of change that's permissible on such an order?).

I'm quite good at planning ahead. Last year I made a nativity scene in lieu of an advent calendar - balsa wood stable and a sack of a totally historically and geographically inaccurate toy animals to add one by one to the stable. I have also made lots of chutney which will be held as reserve presents. I've bought our Christmas Eve PJs already, to pick up from John Lewis this weekend.

After last year, nothing's a disappointment!! (and DS, at 2, has no concept yet of what's a good vs crap Christmas) Last year was the first Christmas in our new house, and we had both sets of GPs round to stay. I came down with some horrific shivering feverish flu on Christmas Eve and was absolutely no use to man nor beast. I ended up curled up on the airbed (both bedrooms given up) while my parents heroically followed my quite mental Christmas dinner menu (highlight: six game birds roasted together). They all departed ahead of schedule on the morning of the 26th, as I was still so pitiful. I used my last reserves of strength to hack the WHOLE SALMON I'd bought for Boxing Day into sections so they could take it away for their own dinners.

at mental Christmas dinner menu. Poor you!

Thanks for the phrase, "project-managing Christmas". It is the best excuse for Mumsnetting I've ever heard!

Definitely do not pre-warn anyone that they may not get a card or a present - he wouldn't warn anyone that they might get nothing when you're in charge of Christmas, so balls to the idea that you should give him a bloody get-out CLAUSe if he forgets someone (pun intended)

I'd also leave all the arrangements to him, no sneaky logging on to check or add to his order. If he's project managing Christmas, then let him do it - remember, you did say If we end up having turkey pate on crackers from the corner shop, that's Fiiiiiiiiine by me - if you start doing bits or making apologies for him, you're not letting him get the real Christmas Project Management experience.

Oh its like don't tell the bride but about xmas.

I am obsessive quite a christmas addict so no way could I relinquish control let dh do it.

Also all the kids would get whatever was on special offer and no doubt something we'd already given them - dh wanted to buy dniece a toy this year - unfortunately we bought it for her brother last year - baby toy so no use having two.

God I feel quite panicky at the mere thiught of not being in control of christmas. I'm more chilled this year though because we ALL had swine flu apart from dd who was well but she was 3m and ds had penumonia. This year I just want a healthy xmas .

Definitely do the skeleton order for 4 bottles of champagne - dont even bother to change it, then if it ends up being pate on toast you wont care cause you can wash it down with 4 bottles of champagne!!

I too love the phrase 'project managing Christmas'. Never thought of it like that before. But you're right that is exactly what we do each year.
I'm thinking of adding it to my CV.

Excellent idea, OP. Just remember NOT to step in, because it would undermine your DH. If you have ceded control to him, then let him get on with it.

But... but... doesn't a good team member take just a tiny bit of initiative?

Yesterday I put the champagne order in. And today I sent an email titled "Project Cracker: early deliverables for GANTT capture". These included two presents already bought (there was a Book People fair at my work today), two things already planned to buy / requested, notification that there is a christmas pud in the cupboard, and a broad list of what we have in terms of decorations etc. I pointed out that a Good Housekeeping special issue from about 2007 detailing Delia's level of planning is in the decs box...

I might now be able to sit on my hands until December, but if no visible action by the PM I will be tempted to re-title myself as his project Risk Manager, and send a list of risks and issues marked Treat/Tolerate/Transfer/Terminate (with the 'how', 'to whom', and mitigation strategy for each).

Basically, in-character nagging. ... I could start to enjoy this a little too much, I think...

and he knows my MN username...

ha! you cracked after less than 24 hours!!!! I knew it! Now lady, either do it all yourself or leave it to him, but nagging and telling him how to do it is not the deal you struck.

All that's going to happen is you are going to feel more stressed, not less if you try to make him do Christmas the way you do it.

Again, if it'll make you feel better, make sure people you think will be upset at lack of gift/card are warned that DH is doing it all this year (so he gets the blame, not you when there's no gift for MIL), then completely sit back until he asks to you to do something.

Otherwise what will happen is you'll end up having all the thought and stress of christmas, but he will take all the credit as 'he did Christmas' this year. Then next year he'll tell you it's easy, and you are making a fuss about nothing (because it will be easy because you did all the planning).

I'm with LydiaWickham on this one.

Either let him do it himself, or do it on your own. Does he send you these reminders/requests/notifications?

Thought not.

If you don't let him get on with it, then really this thread is pointless in it's entirety, because it will become DH is doing Christmas this year but I've sent him reminders and instructions and I've done half of the shopping and I've made sure that there's enough booze on the list and I've wrapped the presents and written and posted the cards in case he missed the posting deadlines and given him a list of exactly how I want the house decorated Delia style and Oh...bugger. I've done it all myself again and he's got all the praise

You see that is why I could never do this. I would definitely crack and would end up managing it al lbehind the scenes/rescuing etc... and it would be more stresful than usual and DH would get the credit and think it had been a breeze!

Not 24 hrs, five days! (had convo at weekend, only posted the thread yesterday)

I know I know. But we're not in competition, we're in partnership. I said I'd do stuff, just under his plan. It wouldn't be fair to actually withhold the info of where the stuff for decorating is in our shit tip house.

I promise that's it though. If I waver at all, I'll write my naggings here, not in real life. I'm going to need whoops and cheers and perhaps a little 'you go girl' sort of thing though if you would all be so kind?

An interesting development... FIL called this afternoon wanting to know if we had any plans, and after the call having pondered for a couple of hours, DH has decided he wants us to go to his parents from C. Eve evening to Box Day morning. This is ok by me as we are going to my folks in a holiday cottage between C and New Year for three nights.

Since I've already bought the "christmas eve pyjamas" I suggested that we watch the boxing day movie back here in said pyjamas. I've also suggested that this drives a task to sort out the TV connection cabling (for the past two years we've been watching on tvcatchup/iplayer etc although of course paying for a licence).

I was really tempted this weekend to mention planning for DS' stocking fillers but didn't. I bought an A-Z foam enormous floor jigsaw in Oxfam for £1.99 to add to the 'random presents box', but technically that could be for anyone. And DH has informed me that what he would most like for his gift is a salad spinner.