What to take as a food contribution to Inlaws at christmas?

[GoEasyPudding]

We alternate Christmas between my parents and my DH parents. This year it?s at the In-laws and I always ask if we can bring anything. They always say no. I always suggest to my DH that we should take something anyway and he says they don?t need anything and doesn?t support me by helping me choose or by supporting my ideas.

We have of course turned up with things anyway, Wine of course but it?s never good enough as they are really into wine and we never get it right! (We are told at each stage what we are drinking and how much it cost!) We took the starter last time by arrangement, a pate', but this was served with "From waitrose! Not homemade!"

If I have tried to impress in the past and got a generous selection of posh & well regarded cakes but this was proclaimed to be too much cake and was laughed about for the entire holiday. (The in-laws are a very tiring bunch!!!)

What do I take that?s not too cheap and not too posh and wont take up Christmas fridge space? I want to make an effort and feel confident in the choices I make, (so when they laugh at my humble offerings I can just shrug it off)

Recipe:

On Christmas Eve, take one 'special' crystal beaker up to own bedroom.
Grind up valium using mortar and pestle bought especially. Dispose mortar and pestle (murder weapon?) by giving it as present to victim.

Excuse any odd behaviour as 'hiding surprises'.

Wait until parents go to Church. Do all the washing up that can be done.

Do not be tempted to take the valium. Think only the greater good.

Plan non-turkey meals.

Plan television schedule.

(Basically take own meals; smoked salmon, cheese, chocolate)

Embrace mother heartily on Church return. Give her sparking G and T. Put the tonic in as you do the hug. Use ice and lemon and lime to distract valium traces (yellow); I had no problems with this.

(Keep a designated driver available in case you have to take her to a and e; do not tell the dd why they need to be available. Make something up. See previous post; 'Is this a criminal act?')

Give it an hour.

And relax.

Leave Boxing Day evening.
(my pal had a hernia so I got lucky with supply. You could always try knee-ing a close pal in the groin and hoping the best)

Do not be tempted to boast about this. Let it die with you.

They sounds extremely rude. It sounds like whatever you take, it won't be appreciated. Do they ridicule you generally, or just your gifts?

ROFL at brokenwingedflier's recipe for a relaxing Christmas. Utter genius; especially giving the evidence away as a gift.

I agree about the boasting. That would spell downfall so although it truly deserves its own thread best post your sage advice on each and every Christmas dilemma, "under the radar"

It sounds as though they genuinely don't want you to bring anything for communal consumption. And I can just about understand this. Hosting Christmas takes a lot of effort and perhaps she wants to do it all and therefore take all the credit. So do not try to compete. Whatever you take make it clear it is just for them, to be enjoyed after Christmas when they have a well earned rest. So I agree with v posh chocs (roccoco, Paul young, William Curley or artisan du chocolat). Or biscotti to go with their coffee? Or even a voucher for a spa in the new year?

Is she controlling or just picky about food/drink? Could you take a box of crackers (the pull apart and wear a silly hat type, not to complement your giant cheese steamroller), or something else for the table? A nice candle or a centrepiece? Or does MIL like to have it all done her own way (I sympathise with her if she does, but equally it might be one less thing for her to worry about).

Failing that, I'd stick with a bottle of gin and some amaretti or something?

Or could you take a nice brioche or something for them to have for breakfast the next day?

I don't have any 'drug' contacts, and I don't have a handy hernia-prone pal, but I would recommend drugging the in-laws. That was our best Christmas.

Some people are food and entertaining control freaks. Let it go. Posh Christmas bouquet or some "Holiday" handsoap/lotion for the kitchen. We have a shop called Williams-Sonoma here that does sort of a piney-scented duo in nice bottles to put beside the sink.

Would do it again in a second.
Oh! the joyous Christmas 06

Take some hash cakes?

Every time your mil names a brand that she likes or hates whip out a notebook or iPhone or whatever and keep an ongoing list.

Don't say anything about what you are doing unless she asks and have a phrase along the lines of 'oh I can never keep up with the latest thing you're finickity about' (sure there are plenty of other posters who can phrase it much better than I can) and leave it at that. Then after a little while you will have a masterlist of things she likes or to avoid.

If you then get her something she previously liked and she mocks it you know she is just saying nasty things to get at you

Make it a whole baby stilton, and pair it with a bottle of port. Both keep if not wanted immediately, and are no hassle for you.

Oh god, they sound so rude, entitled and ungrateful. Take them at their word and turn up with nothing. Then see what they say [hgrin].

But if you really feel you must do something, have some flowers sent after Xmas instead.