MiL has bought DS Xmas present already - we hate it

[rocket74]

My MiL is great but sometimes she gets it so wrong. She has ordered a maxi motorised quad trike bike thing for my 28month DS christmas present. We only found out as I once logged onto her catalogue to order a bed and now I get an email update when she orders something. A bit sneaky but worthwhile to grit our teeth about the latest item. This thing is massive, he has too much stuff already, can't ride a balance bike yet, no where to store it. I hate those motorised kids toys. Its a lazy toy! DH had it out with her today but she just takes offence and said she isnt going to come for Xmas now.
Honestly I am embarrassed when people come round about how much 'stuff' he has (it just appears sometimes) how the hell do I explain away a frigging maxi quad trike.
We have tried so many times to explain and show by example the kind of toys we want him to have but it doesnt register.
Also DH spent all summer preparing and laying a lawn - no way a motorised trike is going on that!!!
Any tips - unsuitable toys that makes this pale into insignificance!!

We have told her to send it back. are we evil?

I think you are being very ungrateful.

My MiL hasn't bothered with our ds for 7 years now. As far as she's concerned he doesn't exist. I would give anything for him to have a nan who loved him like your MiL obviously loves your ds.

As usual I completely agree with Pag. You really do sound very unkind, at least your MIL had the gumption to actually choose a gift herself.

As an aside I can't believe that you receive her emails and would be notifying her as soon as possible so that she can remedy it. Completely unacceptable.

Why don't you do what my aunt did when we were small before every Christmas all unplayed with toys went to charity. (ie she got rid of all the crap). So nothing will bother you for more than a year :)

This shocks me. I don't think you people who have gps who love their gc so much they want to buy them things realize just how bloody lucky you are.
Really ungrateful, I feel for your poor mil.

by 'having it out' i did mean discuss it with her - but she doesn't always listen.
She had mentioned getting his present already and something motorised - but didnt elaborate as to what. We think she is great and tell her so on a very regular basis and she does amazing things that we also tell her what we think. We could never repay her for all the help she has given us.
The bigger problem is that DS has quite severe speech delay (see other thread) so I think we are hyper aware of needing to invest in things and time that stimulate that - role play, books etc rather than a motorised vehicle. He is only 28months after all.
But she does often buy things and spends lots of money we're not sure she has and we worry about how she manages and not to spend lots of money on stuff. I didnt mean it to sound heartless. I do think she is great and she has called DS ' the love of her life' which is really lovely.
Our garden isnt that big, I dont have space to put stuff away and rotate, and MiL lives in a small flat. I just don't want to see a rusting thing in the garden in a years time. Whats wrong with wanting him to master a bike or a scooter first?
And we're not that precious about the lawn - its got his slide and climbing frame on it!!

overindulgence with material things does not equal love.

rocket

Sorry - rocket she sounds like a lovely Nana but I understand your frustration.

Ah, I thought there was probably a back story. However, I think that once everyone has cooled off, you will be able to talk together about this. She must see that storage will be an issue at either of your homes, even aside from the others. If you can't lock it away it could be stolen.

I wonder if MIL has fully grasped why you would like DS to have the things you suggest; if you presented them as being recommended by the health professionals and therapists looking after DS would she take more notice then? (Rather that her thinking you were just being opinionated because you didn't like her choice of gift.) If she doesn't fully understand how severe speech delay can be treated and helped, perhaps she feels that spending lots is the answer.

Feel your pain - what an overblown impractical choice for her to make.
Tricky one, but I think you're in the right - I wouldn't want one of those ridiculous items in my house or garden either.

Erm. I understand a bit better now.

Why don't you ask her if she has any ideas where you could store it? Rather than explaining to her get her to actually think the problem through.
You can go ' but we don't have room, it isn't practical blah blah' but firstly she can shut off and secondly she will just become defensive.
But 'it is such a fab present but we are stumped as to where to keep it? Where can we store it? Did you have any thoughts about that when you ordered it? Could you store it?
You t hen force her nicely to cone up with something.

The one other thing I would implore you is not to nosiest on educational toys for your son.
My son had severe speech delay. I bought him books and prompt toys, visual triggers etc etc. I forgot that part of being a child is just playing.
My dh bought him loads of presents which I deemed unsuitable for a child with his issues. Ds2 invariably attacked them with a joy that produced more desire to communicate, share and articulate his joy than any of the suitable worthy stuff I chose.
He is a little boy and needs to piss about too. We all do.

Noisest ?
Insist.

[sigh]

I have to fess up.
Dh bought ds2 a quad bike type toy. I bitched and moaned.
Ds2 adored it. It lasted about two years because we had to just throw and old garden table cover over it and it gradually deteriorated. But ds2 attacked it with shouts and whoops, insisted on driving it in reverse all the time and once ran over the dog Some of my most fab memories of him during a difficult time....

I thought I was so right at the time too.

whilst i can understand your frustration you are being a bit ungrateful as she bought it with the best intentions - she thought your child would like it, and he probably will but why do you have so many toys stored that you can't possibly need, send the excess to a charity shop, or ask at local nurseries etc if they would like them

and tell your husband that 'nice lawns' and small children do not come within the same household, unless you have a very large garden

My sister's PILs bought her DD (7) a pony for her birthday.
She had never shown any interest in riding.

Wow, Don't worry BikeRunSki, we will have the pony for her!

My lovely mum bought DD a harp with no thought whatsoever about the costs or logistics of tuition.

Her reasoning was that as DD was already playing a couple of insruments she would like to learn another

I wouldn't expect anyone who goes by the name of mollymole to understand why someone would want to have a nice lawn.

You do realise that your DS will quite probably love it dont you?!!

ps re 'hating it' you arent meant to like it...its for your DS!

Am at your sneakiness in still having emails for your MIL sent to your account following what was presumably meant to be a one-off change so you could get details about your new bed. What an appalling invasion of privacy - I would be livid.

I bet your DS loves the toy - can't you store it with one of those tarp covers over it? I would imagine it won't damage the lawn too much.

I never intended to get emails from MiLs catalogue - I dont even remember how they got it. I have looked to unsubscribe but I can't. MiL does not know what email really is or how it works either. I didnt do it on purpose so that I could spy on her ffs.

DS has shown little to no interest in vehicles/modes of transport so far. thats why his scooter, his balance bike, his thomas the tank pedal trike, his big yellow truck, his wooden little trike, his rocking horse - all remain virtually untouched in pristine condition. Whereas his shopping trolley and his wheelbarrow that he can push along and put things in are well worn- he loves them.

I do know what my son will like. end of.

Your MIL should not have bought such an enormous and potentially dangerous present without discussing it with you first.

however

You cannot reasonably "check up" on what she's bought, behind her back, then "have it out" with her and expect her to roll over and beg forgiveness. She sees nothing wrong with the item or she wouldn't have bought it!

YANBU but I think your MIL has had kind intentions but not thought it through.

To repair: You do need to contact MIL, definitely apologise for upsetting her for a start, and explain that you are worried you have nowhere to store it, it's too big for DS to handle at his age, it will tear up the newly laid lawn which you were hoping DS would get lots of use out of for ball games, running around etc, but the quad bike will turn it into a mudbath. With a bit of effective communication you can hopefully end up that your MIL buys more suitable gifts so she's happy, your DS is happy, you are happy.

You must stop seeing things in terms of "having it out". Try thinking Effectively Communicating instead.

And as for "Honestly I am embarrassed when people come round about how much 'stuff' he has (it just appears sometimes) how the hell do I explain away a frigging maxi quad trike". Um, simple. You say "this was a gift from MIL, no we didn't know she was buying it for him".

A quad bike will not contribute to a speech delay.

One day he will probably change and love vehicles.

It's great to have grandparents and friends with different values / rules / expectations / tastes / from our parents. That's how we learn.

Aren't you planning to teach him to say a big thank you to someone who gives him a horrible present?