If we agree to "just buy for the kids" how do I make it fair on those who have fewer children?

[reddaisy]

I've been thinking about doing this with a number of friends but quite a few of them are on their first children and my second is due before Christmas so if you do this arrangement, do people just suck it up and buy for two children even if they have one child themselves? Or does it all just pan out in the end? I don't want to look like I am suggesting a system that is unfair!

Alternatively we could just buy the adults but everyone likes to buy for children at Christmas normally.

Hmm, well that's what we do in our family and the fact that some have 3, some have 2 and some have 1 doesn't really occur to me. You can't make everything absolutely exactly fair all of the time! After all, for example we still by birthday presents for my sister's 3 kids while she only buys for our 2 but noone would say that was unfair!

Hmm, well that's what we do in our family and the fact that some have 3, some have 2 and some have 1 doesn't really occur to me. You can't make everything absolutely exactly fair all of the time! After all, for example we still by birthday presents for my sister's 3 kids while she only buys for our 2 but noone would say that was unfair!

When I was a kid, people bought 'family' presents - a big box of special biscuits, a side of smoked salmon, a brace of grouse or partridge, large box of chocolates, you get the picture.

I have had no problem buying for my friends who have had children for several years before me either, I just didn't want it to look unfair if I'm the one who suggests it and I'm the one with more children!

I also have one friend who very generously buys for everyone in my family including DP so this year that will be four presents she will have to buy and we only get her one. I have suggested we just get each other but she says no, so should I spend more on her to balance it out or conclude that it is her choice?? My two Christmas dilemmas so far on one thread!

It would be more unfair to get some children nicer presents than others, on a regular basis. That's penalising children for having siblings, which is out of their control! Just set the same budget for each child, and buy within the budget.

Unless there is an amount per child given as part of the agreement then just leave people to sort it out themselves.

Dh is one of five, four of whom (inc us) have two children. His sister is pregnant with their first. In previous years we have bought for his sister and this year we will buy for the baby and give them a gift voucher too so it is even.

With one of my friends - I have 2 Dc and she has 3. we both spend about £30 per family, so her children get about £10 each and mine £15. Not enough difference for the children to notice, but keeps it more or less fair.

Just buy for the adults.

Kids get enough.