Am I being whatever the opposite of a Scrooge is?

[NemoTheRedNosedFish]

Dsd is 14 and has two younger sisters, a mum and a stepdad at home. Here with us she has me, dd(4) and obviously her dad.

We've never really thought about what she might buy for family at home, obviously she has access only to pocket money, and when she was younger we would get her to help choose for dh / me and then wrap it up.

Last year she got £500 off us for a horse (going halves with her mum) and I kind of thought she'd get her dad a card or wrap him up a tim of biscuits or something but no! We buy for her two sisters from our family, but our dd got nothing and tbh that really upset me.

I would have no problem really giving her some money and saying 'go get your dad something' but she never even asks. I just feel that with all the hugely expensive stuff she expects asks for it wouldn't kill her to get someone else soemthing, even if it's not with her own money.

I'll be expecting dd to buy token stuff for me and dh - and probably for dsd too!

Or am I being a mean old stepmummy?

Maybe she doesn't realise that you're expecting something from her? Families are all different - in our family children never bought any Christmas presents for parents or grandparents until probably age 18 or something. It was never expected and never talked about. But kids never got mountains of presents either - I always got one from parents, one from grandparents and one from auntie.

Teens are notoriously selfish, and I doubt it has crossed her mind that it would be nice to give presents. I think you have to be pro-active in encouraging her if that is what your family does. Perhaps she and her sisters don't give each other or their mum presents, they just receive from the adults. It can be difficult until they are earning their own money or have an allowance.

I have no problems giving her some cash to get something for dh and dd, I'm just not sure if it's too 'bossy' of me?

I don't think it would sound bossy. Just try to have a conversation about it, like asking if she has thought of getting a present for her dad, if she would like to do it. Maybe she has actually thought of getting something but don't have money for it or can't think what to get..

But don't say that she should get something for you - asking for a present is a no-no

ok, what you do is say "DSD, have you decided what you are getting everyone for xmas and have you budgetted enough"

she will look at you with a blank expression, and mumble something about not realising she had to get everyone presents.

so you sit down with her, tell her she is 14 now and old enough to be responsible for her own present buying, and that her family (meaning all of you) will be hurt if she doesn't think of them tehy way they all think of her at xmas. then you help her write a list of everyone in teh families and suggest a few things for what she could get them. except your own present as that has to be a surprise so you can't know.

Ah I'm not bothered about a pressie, I am spoiled enough!

I'll get dh to do it next year and slip her the cash for something for him when he's not looking!