Reciprocal Christmas presents - help!

[DitaVonCheese]

Two scenarios, slightly different situations. There are too many generous people in my life!

1. My parents' neighbours are very generous eg gave us loads of their baby stuff when DD was born. They have always given mum and dad a Christmas present, which wasn't reciprocated as my mum said she "didn't want to get into all that" (we only really do family presents in our family). Since we moved closer to home a couple of years ago, they have started buying presents for me, DH and DD as well. They have a DD so we get birthday and Christmas presents for her and get b'day presents for the parents but don't get them a Christmas present. Should I? I feel bad but Christmas is already a stretch.

1. I have some close cousins who have six children between them (3/2/1). We get birthday presents for their DC but by mutual agreement last year we decided not to buy for each other's DC at Christmas (see already a stretch, above). Just had an email from the mum of the single child mentioning that she has got DD a present. I feel terrible that I haven't got anything for her DS. Should I get him something? Or should I get presents for all six DC?

This is such a minefield ...

Bake something.

It is a way of reciprocating that won't impact your budget significantly.

Don't have an answer - but I do sympathise. DPs Mum called yesterday to let us know that DPs cousin had gotten pressies for our 2 dcs. God knows why - we never see them (once a year at Halloween), kids aren't friends, we never bought for her DD when she was younger. Now we have to go ang get something for her DS - just when you think Christmas is organised!

Thanks lal I feel really mean Tbh I feel as though I'd rather not do Christmas presents at all, not just because we're skint, but by this stage in life most people I know have nothing they actually need and very little they want. A couple of years ago my cousins' family and our family agreed to only to give consumable gifts, then after that we agreed not to do them at all (though still do them in our own families obviously). I think next year I might suggest to my brothers that we only buy for each other's DC, not each other.

Earlybird that's a lovely idea but (1) we have no kitchen at the moment (it will be in the extension that is to be built at some unspecified date) and (2) the family in scenario 2 are in the US. Could do some choc truffle type things for the parents in scenario 1 but I know they already do them!

You don't have to do anything big or expensive.

For US folks, send a magazine subscription (think you can do it via Amazon US). Saves you sending anything by post and incurring cost that way.

DS in question is about 18 mos so not sure he does a lot of reading (sorry, I'm not being deliberately awkward ). If I get something for him, don't I have to get something for all my other cousins' DC?

Might get a bottle of wine for the parents in the first scenario. It feels a bit token though!

Don't feel guilty. I give presents to my grown up nephew and nice still (though it is just a pretty tin of biscuits nowadays) and a small gift to their dc (3 between them), but I don't expect anything back in return from them for either for me or ds. A thank you letter is always nice though.

I also do small token presents for my neighbours 4dc's from my ds (she's worse of financially than me and the older two live with their dad most of the time). I always wait and get ds to take them round on xmas day so she won't feel that she has to reciprocate if she knows they're coming.

Likewise there's a lady who is a friend of my parents who often buys ds a gift (in fact she just put an envelope through our door this afternoon for him which I can tell has a gift card in it). I have never given her anything in return but ds always sends a thank you letter. I don't feel guilty about that either.

Some year's my older sister sends gifts and some year's she doesn't. I guess it comes down to whether she can afford it or not. It doesn't bother me either way, I still send her and her grown up son a present regardless

Thanks Gilly. I know they aren't giving presents just to get them back, but it just feels wrong to accept something and not give anything in return!

I do do thank you cards, but usually only if we haven't opened the present and thanked the giver at the time.