How to entertain the 'olds' at Christmas (and avoid tension, misery and arguments)

[hmc]

Am dreading Christmas.

It is one particular 'old' - my 82 year old father.

We haven't had my parents for the last two Christmasses (and what a breath of fresh air they were) - but they invited themselves this year and because I don't want to deny my mother seeing her grandchildren, I didn't resist.

My parents live 270 miles away so when they come to stay it isn't just a 24 hour thing (it is 4-6 days). My father gets bored and then gets nit picky and objectionable (...we don't do anything properly, we have poor parenting skills, the children are spoilt etc - he is very free with his obnoxious opinions)....

How can I stop him getting bored and crabby? He doesn't read (I think he is undiagnosed dyslexic - but that's another thread), he doesn't watch tv a great deal. In his own home he 'potters' and keeps busy - minor home improvements or gardening. Wrong time of year to send him out into our garden with a set of shears!

I so don't want Christmass to be a miserable feckin experience again

Have you got any jobs that need doing? He might enjoy feeling helpful and valued..?

That might be the way to go - will have to rack my brains! (although it would be just like him to say "I haven't come here to work!")

Huge jigsaw?

Could you need lots of help with putting toys together and require his expertise maybe?

Have you got a son who needs teaching how to play chess? :)

He sounds like fun!
My in laws are coming up for a few days too so I feel your pain.
This might be a bad idea, but do you have any board games you can all play? Even my Xbox addicted DSD will play boards games with his grandparents.

Give him a job. Assembling lego? Mending something?
The absolute best present someone bought my step-father was a battery tester. You put your batteries in and it tells you how full they are. Then they bought him a charger. Genius.Took him hours.

Chess! - yes 6 year old ds. Might be onto something there.

Am thinking - could get him to check our cars over (tyre tread etc); only problem is miserable codger would then lecture dh that it is his role to check our cars and keep them road fit, that could back fire

He might be able to help dc's with lego kits.

Ds likes playing battleship and both dcs enjoy monopoly - there might be some mileage there

at battery testing device!

Good luck with your PILs Beamur

Battleships could well be the perfect answer, you know.

Also - could you get him and your mum tickets to a concert or something, so that you can drop them in town for a couple of hours and then pick them up again? That would give the rest of you a break!

Ohhh yes tickets to something - could present it to them as a Christmas present! Will start looking at theatre listings.....

Beware - my grands came down and that was our cunning plan. They wanted tickets to...................................................................................................Jethro .

++ alcohol puts my dad to sleep.

testing every battery on the fairy lights to see if its working?

Peeling brussel sprouts

Chess and card games - get a book and leave him and ds too it for hours.

Treasure hunt clues and then hiding all the presents?

Making christmas crackers

Please feel free to ignore me, and this is meant with the best of intentions - but last Christmas I was dreading spending it with my father for various complicated reasons. This year I would love to have him grumbling in the corner, and be able to moan about him. But he died in June. Please try and find some happiness with him. I wish i had and now its too late.

Sorry for your loss charlieandlola

oh, charlieandlola, that's sad. I hope you have a good Christmas.

Charlieandlola - so true. Our parents and olds drive us up the wall, but we should appreciate them while they are still with us.

card games, whist and rummy are good ones to play with the kids

Talk to them!

This is the thing they most want in the world. Ask for and listen to their opinions, respectfully, even if you don't act on them. They grew up in a time when elders were much more influential than now, and youngsters were expected to be seen and not heard: now they live in a time when the young rule and elders are dismissed as being difficult or boring.

My mum died one November when I was 20, my father died on new year's eve when I was 30. I had spent Christmas with him, my sister hadn't. I remember him sitting alone over the 4-6 days you have people to stay for; so I went and talked to him. We then had a massive argument on the way home and he died a few days later.

As I get older and have my own children, I miss them more and more. There is so much I'd like to ask them. Please have those conversations, with a good grace, before it's too late.

It's the children's job to look after the olds.

They don't notice the hearing aid or having to repeat things 8 times or them not understanding stuff or being crabby.

THey just see someone who's got time to play board games or card games or look at stuff or read stuff to them or admire their Xmas presents or...

It's not the olds am worried aobut - i can tolerate my mum and old auntie will ahve a glass of sherry and fall asleep.
No it's 36 year old idiot brother I am worrying about
I will get annoyed then DH will get annoyed because I am annoyed
Mum will then get annoyed with me for daring to be upset or annoyed by idiot and so on

Can I just add - my father is a piece of work. Even my dh who finds the good in everyone struggles with my father....so I do appreciate the advice to try and get along with him but it is impossible

Sorry to hear that. If you can't possibly get along with him then farm him out - make it someone's responsibility to look after him and offer them whatever bribe it takes.

I feel your concern OP, especially when they love to potter at home and are bereft without pottering tasks in your home.

Depending on their ages, you could get your kids to research their family tree. They have to interview your dad and ask lots and lots of questions about parents/ siblings/ childhoods/ jobs/ how granny and grandad met/ what mummy was like as a baby etc. There are workbooks available on Amazon or if you're near a big bookstore, but you don't need to complicate matters unnecessarily- just arm them with a pen and paper or tape recorder to do an oral history. Can they think of questions in advance? eg. about favourite toys, houses, holidays.

It could be fascinating for you too?

Do they like to bet? I bought a race night game last year. It is a greyhound racing dvd game with fake money and betting slips. It was really good fun and everyone could join in. My dad & dadinlaw really enjoyed it. Usually everyone just sits about after dinner on xmas day. But this suited all ages.

M&S have little boxes of good quizzes - one about English custos etc, a travel / cities around the world one - would thise keep hi going, round the table, after dinner?

Jobs. Don't spring them on him straight away, let him enjoy a few drinks and mince pies, then when he gets a little restless say how much you would love someone who knows what they are doing to tackle a few essential jobs.

I have the same trouble with my Dad (not coming for Christmas though). Last time he stayed I got him and Ds to do a jigsaw together. I had to leave the room as he was constantly picking at DS and insisting the puzzle be done a certain way etc. DS didn't seem to notice though. To a certain extent you have to leave them to it. Remember you are not responsible for his behaviour, or his happiness.

Oh and my Dad loves to wash up!