Father Christmas - true or not true

[vodkaorange]

Does anyone have a problem lying to their kids about FC? I've talked to my six year old about the birth of Jesus and how I believe that this is a story made up but some people think it really happened but then I have to turn around and say "but, of course, Santa Claus is real. He rides around in the sky in his magic sleigh being pulled by flying deer and dropping presents down chimneys for all the children". Some how it just doesn't add up. Jesus never existed but a magic fat man dressed all in red does. I'm trying to teach her all about the world, answer all her questions as honestly and accurately as possible but then when it comes to Christmas I have to lie through my teeth, an I just find this very difficult. Does anyone else find it difficult? And if so how do you deal with it?

I go along with the Jesus story for the moment too..

Solves it for me.

You have to lie? You have to tell your children certain things?

And it depends whether you think it's lying anyway. It's make believe for most people. Just like pixies and tooth fairies and gnomes and goblins and fairy princesses.

It always felt right to tell dd the 'story' of FC and while she doesn't believe I suppose, she does love the fantasy of it.

Do it your own way.

Of course I have to lie if I want to sell the story of FC but its the lying that I find difficult. She's depending on me to be truthful . She asks me "does Father Christmas really exist mummy?" What do I say? For her its not about make believe, its about how is the world, what is real and what is not real.

I've heard several stories from friends about themselves or their own kids being shocked and very upset when they find out their parents have been lying to them. I'm not making this up.

By the way, this isn't a major issue for me, but it does come up each Christmas, and I think its interesting how some people can create these great fantasies for their kid while others, like me, skirm as they role out the same old story that is expected of them in our culture.

I was wondering if anyone had some good suggestions on how to present the story of FC to their kids that doesn't make them skirm?

Yes, I tell dd the 'story' of FC ie here's a story of a man who does xyz. Shall we act it ou? In the same way she acts out all sorts of stories. And when the presents arrive I say 'oh I wonder how that happens' and she laughs and says 'oh yes' knowingly and enjoys the whole thing while appreciating it's a story.

You say of course you have to lie to sell it but you don't. You don't have to tell her it's fact. You don't have to 'lie'. But I understand that it's done now. It's your choice. You either carry on with it or you say 'well it's a story people have told for years, what do you think?' or 'it's just a story but isn't it good fun?' You know her, you just have to judge what works best for you and her.

A friend of mine always used to just tell it a bit tongue in cheek and say to her DCs that 'you've just got to believe in the magic' - they were more than happy to go along with this.

You don't "have to" tell your child anything if you don't want to. To me, whether or not FC counts as "lying" depends on the child - lots of children seem happy to have an in-between category of things which are made up but they enjoy "believing" in them anyway. But other children are very literal and demand to be told the truth - things to them are either real or not real and there isn't another category.

My DS was very literal - he always had to know whether stories we read were real or made up - he loved made up stories but had to get it clear that's what they were. So at an early age, I told him that FC was made up but that lots of other children believed it so he should let them enjoy that. And he was fine with that.

If your daughter (or perhaps you yourself?) have that very literal true/lie approach, then I think its better to be honest. Some families do seem to go overboard on making up evidence for FC as their children doubt, and I think its those families whose children are more likely to be shocked when they do find out the truth. I

I find it hard to lie to dd1 (7), she has Aspergers and can't lie herself so if i lied to her and she found out she would be so upset with me . Luckily she has not asked if FC is real or not, she knows that i don't believe in the story of Jesus and i dont believe in God but she strongly believes in God and Jesus and i have told her that it is her choice if she believes but it doesn't mean we all should believe. She has told me that i will go to Hell if i dont believe in God and Jesus . If she asked me if FC was real i think i would say the same 'its up to you if you believe or not' but i wouldn't say 'yes' and lie to her.

I will be very upset though when she stopd believing .

We've always gone the 'he's real if you believe in him' route. To date (DC are 21 and 16!) we've never had a 'he doesn't exist' conversation. It's just all part of the fun and mythology of the season.

We're not religious either but both DC were fascinated by stories from different religions as they were growing up - just as we talked about the story of St Nicholas leaving coins in the stockings of the poor family who'd left them hanging up to dry.

DC1 has AS and I did worry that he believed in FC far longer than his friends but actually I think he just enjoyed the magic of it all.

And yes, they still have stockings (FC only ever brought stockings in our house) and yes, I still get special wrapping paper for them...

Ahem. OP Jesus was born y'know, that's pretty certain. He existed. Whether you think he was the son of God is another matter. But I think you should make clear to yr DD that he did exist. We have a good body of evidence.

Anyway, re FC I don't find it difficult, but then my DC are older (7, 9, 11) and IMHO not mentioning it either way this year so they can hang on for the loot!

When they were younger, if they queried it, I used to say "well, shall we see if he leaves any gifts?" and one of the other DC would usually say "yes he must be real because of the snowy footprints" etc.

I also don't think I am lying, it's just a game, a bit of magic, which in time they will realise is just that. Like when the bath towel makes a silly noise when it's drying their hair. I pretend it's the towel not me. Of course (I hope!) they know it's me really.

I can't ever remember believing in Father Christmas, but my little brother used to rush in to my room excitedly telling me "He's been!".

In our house my parents went along the lines of they didn't string us along and put foot prints in flour on the floor, but they acted mysterious when we asked them and just let our own make believe guide things.

I personally don't mind telling my 3 year old about Father Christmas but I'm not going to string him along when he gets older...sometimes I feel its more for the parents than the kids. I really cannot imagine any child really believing beyond 6 or so, other than in a kind of "I want to believe in the magic so I will suspend disbelief and go along with it" way.

It doesn't make Christmas any less magical, I always loved Christmas and the magic of it. I used to lie under the tree each year when we first put it up looking up through the branches at the fairy lights and feeling filled with joy.