May I have a little Christmas whinge?

[mogs0]

My 2 sisters and I always club together to buy Christmas presents for other members of the family.

My Mum's birthday is 4 days before Christmas and we also pool money for her birthday present.

I am very aware of what I am spending at the moment (aren't we all?) and also of how much I buy is pointless crap!

I had a long conversation with one of my sisters today about the ideas she and my other sister had for presents for my Mum, step dad and aunt. Most of the ideas, I thought, were not really things that any of them wanted and it felt like they were just randomly picking things to spend the money on.

My aunt has been very firm this year about not wanting any presents at all but they totally disregard this and still insist on spending the usual amount of money.

For my dad's birthday a couple of months ago they wanted to get him something and I said for them to go ahead without my share because he's also said not to get him anything. Ds and I got him a very small token gesture. My sister just put my name on the tag anyway which made me feel guilty because I hadn't contributed any money to it but was getting the credit for it, iyswim.

I have suggested reducing the amount we spend/give but they think I'm being mean or will just top it up to cover my share which I really don't like. I can't stand the idea of spending £75 on something that the recipient doesn't really want or need just for the sake of spending the budget.

I know I'm being a whinger but I hate all the money being wasted.

I'd really love to suggest doing a secret santa for main family gifts but I know it'd go down like a lead balloon with my sisters.

Moan over and I feel a bit better now I've typed it all out! If anyone has any suggestions as to how to make this situation better, I'd love to hear them. Or, if I'm being totally unreasonable I'd like to hear about that too so I can re-think my opinion on the matter!!

Oops, apologies for the essay

Tell your sisters you'll buy your own smaller gifts for those family members & get them something they'll actually need or want rather than something useless.

They might think you're being tight but there's no point spending any more than necessary, especially if you personally don't think the recipient is going to enjoy or even want the gift all that much.

If it makes you feel any better, we only buy small token gifts for grown up birthdays and Christmas, more because everyone either wants a specific thing, or sometimes we just don't have the cash for big things. Better to acknowledge it with something small than spend a small fortune & worry if there's enough cash for other things you might need

I'm with you mogs0 - I don't have a solution for you but I do feel your pain. My SiL always says to my MiL - 'for christmas I would like so ask to pay half'. And then she gets the present before christmas - this year she wanted boots to wear in the snow and oh she had to have them early because it snowed two weeks ago. Grrr!

Thanks for the replies! It's good to know I'm not being totally unreasonable .

lucysmam - I think if I told them I'd buy my own presents they'd still add my name to their bigger gifts and I'd end up feeling guilty for not contributing!

Maybe I should work on the secret santa idea. At least they'd still get to buy a big present but for only 1 person instead of 7!!!

Would they not listen if you put your foot down with a very firm hand & said No?

That'd drive me nutty. & it's not at all fair of them to add you & send you guilt tripping if you've said no, you'd rather buy a smaller gift of your own

Hope you manage to talk them round to the secret santa idea, maybe the best way to go

whomoved - she could at least wait until Christmas to have her gift!!

lucysmam - No, they probably wouldn't listen.

They think I don't want to buy as much because I can't afford it (I don't get into debt at Christmas but I'm certainly not loaded!!) so they think they're making it easier (financially) for me by topping up my share or adding my name to something I haven't contributed to.

I'm going to start my pitch for secret santa ready for next Christmas!!!

We have done secret santa this year for family presents my parents both retired this year and myself and my 3 sisters all have less money to spend so it seemed a good idea to change tradition and try something new.

It does feel strange not doing endless shopping and wrapping (17 in family) but we will just have to get used to it.We are still buying for the young children but the ones just entering adulthood are in the secret santa.

I think it is hard for families to do something different to what has always been done, Christmas is so much about tradition it's hard to change.

I am sure next year our secret santa will feel more comfortable and normal.

Why not have a family meeting in the new year after all the festivites are ended but the piles of unwanted gifts are still fresh in people's minds and discuss next year.

I'd be interested to hear how Christmas Day is for you, sumum.

Do you all spend the day together?

Did you set a budget/limit for everyone to stick to?

I think the problem in our family is that I appear to be the only one that has an issue with the current arrangement - probably because I'm awkward !

Also, I don't know that secret santa would work all that well for my ds. He's the only child in the family so they'd still want to buy him mountains of gifts.

Maybe I should stick with moaning about it all and secretly ebaying all the toys after a year or so !

We will mostly all get together on Christmas day at my parents and have agreed to open the presents there. My three small kids will get presents form everyone but only around £5 mark.

We set the limit of the secret santa at £30. Previously it was around tenner per person so I spent £150+ on family presents from myself and dh. Now we are just getting two ss presents and recieving one each.

It means a big saving but also means we each get a better quality present that we really want, not piles of gift tat.

We all wrote on a slip of paper our name and an idea of what we wanted keeping to the budget and then pulled them out of a 'hat'(was just a pile really but hat sounds better)

Sounds like you have a good plan there!

I wonder if I could make that work for us? We have a slightly complicated family (divorced parents who don't talk to eachother and my dad's sister who's as much of a gp to my ds as my parents are). Also, my sister's PIL usually spend Christmas with us but I wouldn't think they'd want to join in with a secret santa - I'm over-thinking this, aren't I?!

Well you have to find something that works for your family, this ss is just for MY family, my parents my sisters, my nieces. I still have to buy for dh's family, and my sisters have to buy for their other family members.
But I think it's going to work ok with us.
I will have to report back after Christmas

We started doing secret santa with my DH's family last year and it works really well. We have a £20 budget and pick the names out of a hat and all meet up on either Christmas day or boxing day anyway so exchange gifts then.

The kids all still get presents as usual, it's only for over 18's. Because it's just one gift everyone seems to be a bit more thoughtful as well so you get something you like.

sumum - good luck and I'd definitely love to here how SS goes!!

Gruffalo - good to hear it works for your family. I'm just working out how to pitch it to my family as I think this could be the way forward.