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Christmas

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Christmas with the in laws

12 replies

gertiegrimble · 27/11/2010 22:07

Nearly every year the PIL phone and tell us when they are coming to visit for xmas(it is a 500 mile journey) I guess they just take it for granted that they can come and i guess we do always let them as they don't get to see our DD's that often. Last year they came for 2 wks. The thing is, they don't actually do anything with the DD's when they are here. They will go for a walk around our village but won't think to take the DD's or the dog with them!! They leave their newspapers all over the house, sit in my favourite chair(which they won't give up for me!!) and basically put their feet up for the whole time!! I will get a little help with dinner on xmas day but that is about all. The tv is so loud because they talk over eveything and they're not very patient wiht DD1 who has ASD. Also, DD1 has to move out of her room so they can stay in it, DD1 then share's with DD2 which is not good as they do not get on.We also BIL on sofa. Dh and i end up rowing about anything and tbh it's not very pleasant. Also, we then can't really have any other visitors as the house isn't big enough.
After last year i said never again. DH spoke with his parents earlier in the year and said that as DD1 struggles when she does not have her own room/space etc, would they stay in a b&b if they want to come for xmas? They agreed that it was probably for the best and the PIL said that they were going to suggest that, GREAT!! Anyway, we booked them into a little 2 bed self catering flat for the xmas week, BIL can stay there as well and it's walking distance to our house.
Today the self catering flat has cancelled our booking. I am livid, PIL due here in 3 wks and DH currently working away! Phoned PIL today and told them what has happened and i have asked if they can try and get a b&b in next village. They were not happy about this, could hear FIL in background saying "why can't we stay there in DD1's room like last year" i was fuming!!. I said that they couldn't stay in DD1 room as during this year we have changed the dd's beds so now there isn't a spare bed, this is true. DH is adamant that they are not staying with us but the problem is i don't want any atmosphere here but then again i don't want my house overflowing.

Advice please, should i back down and try and re arrange beds etc to accomodate them, DH will not be back until the day before PIL arrive so i have to do this on my own OR do i stand firm and make them stay elsewhere? Note to self - absolutely no one is coming to dinner next xmas!!!

OP posts:
Hassledge · 27/11/2010 22:09

Do not back down - just find the nicest, closest B&B you possibly can. Don't budge on this - the alternative sounds too hideous to contemplate.

Appletrees · 27/11/2010 22:10

I would book them somewhere else, go and do it. Just say they're booked in at x, don't even say it's the next village, just book them in.

Two weeks is faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar too long to stay in someone's house in a child's room and faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar too long to stay at Christmas under any circumstnces.

AllGoodNamesGone · 28/11/2010 02:22

I would also try and book them in somewhere else. Do it yourself so they can't claim to be unable to find anywhere! FIL might be moaning as much about the hassle of finding a place at this stage and come round to the idea once it's all sorted.

I would come out in a cold sweat at the prospect of anyone staying for that long, however much I loved them and however much they helped with the dishes etc!

I would be so angry with the place that cancelled your booking Angry

BlockedPoster · 28/11/2010 03:10

Stand firm, don't back down. If you have to speak to them about it, start every phrase with 'DH and I have discussed it and....' Don't let them paint you as the bad DIL. You and your dh have made a decision and you are backing each other up.

Christmas is a time for giving. So give your ILs the boot. And also for being nice to people. Give your ILs the opportunity to be nice to you, and make them stay somewhere else.

MadamDeathstare · 28/11/2010 04:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IAPJJLPJ · 28/11/2010 08:57

Sorry to sound harsh, but if you give in this year - next year do you REALLY think you will be able to follow through on

Note to self - absolutely no one is coming to dinner next xmas!!!

You must stand firm, if you don't then you only have yourself to blame and cant really complain about it. At least you have your DH backing on them not staying.

TheProvincialLady · 28/11/2010 09:02

2 weeks is far too long and there is no reason they couldn't stay in the next village. Book them in somewhere and then present it as a fait accompli. Unless they have already booked flights or trains, I would just book them in for a week and get your DH to tell them you have other plans for the rest of the time.

I am all for accommodating family, but they don't seem like very helpful or polite guests and it must make your Christmas so boring and stressful. Who on earth thinks it is OK to kick a child out of their bedroom for 2 weeks just to save them a 5 minute drive each day?

gertiegrimble · 28/11/2010 09:26

Thanks all for your support - i am going to stand firm on this - i am not having another christmas ruined. I have found a couple of b&b's that i am going to call later and then phone the PIL to let them know!!

OP posts:
MummyMyfanwy · 28/11/2010 09:34

What a nightmare. Sounds a very similar scenario as we had when we lived in Scotland. Our ILs would arrive on our doorstep and stay for week and expect waiter and hotel service.

I eventually booked them into a B&B after a few years of tearing my hair out. The B&B I used was 7 miles away Grin. They still were on our door step at 9am and leaving at 11pm but at least we had some kind of break from them.

In the end they loved the B&B and used it every time they came to stay.

Good luck with you B&Bs

moondog · 28/11/2010 09:45

That's nuts to stay with someone for two weeks. How bloody selfish. I've got spare room but I still wouldn't have anyone for this long, no bloody way.

at BlockedPoster's idea of giving.

CherryTheRedNosedMonster · 28/11/2010 10:48

i used to have my nan to stay for 2 weeks over christmas and i loved it. she was supposed to be coming this christmas, but unfortunately passed away in august aged 78. she also used to come and stay for a month every august. she used to share the girls bedroom with them, i would put them to bed as normal and then lift dd2 into dd1's bed and top and tail them. did this last summer and it was fine, they were 4 and 3. i realise that it would have gotten more awkward as they got bigger, but unfortunately never got to find out. she used to come and cook for us (adored cooking, but had a really tiny kitchen and mine was bigger and better equipped so she loved it), she would read to the children and play games with them. i miss her terribly, and this christmas will be really hard being the first one without her. i guess what i am saying is, be grateful you have the PIL, enjoy them, encourage them to do stuff with the kids. dont make dd1 give up her room though, its not fair on her, so yes, a b&b is a good idea.

IAPJJLPJ · 28/11/2010 14:10

CherryTheRedNosedMonster - very sorry to hear about your gran. However it is apparent that your Gran was "hands on" and wanted to be with you all where the OP has the complete opposite.

In fairness to the OP what has she got to enjoy with the PIL being there? Let alone be grateful for them when they cause more stress.

Your Gran, however sounds lovely. Remember her for the good times, all the things she taught you, all the things she said and all the love she gave - she will then never truly be gone. xx

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