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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

Going to ask DS to give one gift to someone more needy. But who?

43 replies

FrumpyPumpy · 03/10/2010 21:54

Going to start tradition of asking DS (18mth) to choose 1 gift he receives and give it to someone who needs it more than he does. Yes understand this year will close it myself and ask him to agree and come with us to give it. But where shall we give? it might be a couple of days after Christmas.

a womens' refuge? Best way to donate as obv sensitive and not exactly in the yellow pages
children's ward?
sure start centre?
other charity?

When he is older he can choose but for first few years he will need help!

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thisisyesterday · 03/10/2010 22:02

you;re going to ask him to give one of his presents away? that someone else has carefully chosen for HIM?

i kind of see where you're coming from, but I think you're setting yourself up for a whole lot of tantrums from him and "what happened to the present i gave him" from your family!!!!

why can't you buy a gift to give someone who needs it?

werewolf · 03/10/2010 22:05

Erm, why not buy something especially for this? Ds can help you choose it.
It seems a bit mean to take one of his presents away, just after he's received it.

Will you be giving one of yours away too?

Original poster

FrumpyPumpy · 03/10/2010 22:08

We do FC presents first so was going to ask him to choose one of those as think FC is less easily offended. Kind of . Your point re tantrums though... Had not so much considered that! We do give a present in a local appeal, and MN secret Santa too.

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Original poster

FrumpyPumpy · 03/10/2010 22:12

If anyone wants my slippers or DH's new socks they are welcome to them. Good point though! Will consider carefully.

Really wanted him to understand that some are not as lucky as him and that Christmas us about caring for others etc etc.

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thisisyesterday · 03/10/2010 22:12

ahh ok
i do think it will be a long time before he really accepts that this is a nice thing to do though, and it's going to be really really hard for him to willingly give away a present he has just opened.

thisisyesterday · 03/10/2010 22:15

maybe for the first few years he could help you choose a gift to buy for someone else

and you and your dh could show him how you are both giving away something you have received

then gradually suggest to him that he could do the same?

Bluebell99 · 03/10/2010 22:15

Do you do this with your own gifts? Do it with one of your own presents. 18 months old is too young to understand any meaning of this. Involve him in choosing a gift for a charity appeal but don't take away his presents. Jeez.

Original poster

FrumpyPumpy · 03/10/2010 22:17

We didn't want to just introduce it a few years down the line and it be even more difficult, thought better to be something that has just always happened iyswim.

It doesn't matter what it is, we will prob get something to add to it too.

Some good points to think about.

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werewolf · 03/10/2010 22:18

I think it'd be a really nice thing to do if you made an afternoon of it, before Christmas. Go and choose it with ds, let him choose the wrapping paper, wrap it together and chat about why you're doing it. Drop it off at the local hospital, or wherever and then back home for hot chocolate.

That way, I think it'd feel nice for both of you.

Just after opening it on Christmas morning and he's asked to give it away - sucks teeth - I can't see that going down well...

BooBooGlass · 03/10/2010 22:20

Terrible idea to make it his own gift. By all means go and choose a special gift to give to someone. But to give his own toys away? Horrible. ANd think of the people who have bought that gift for your ds. Helping the needy is all very well, but this just spacks of being overly worthy imo

Original poster

FrumpyPumpy · 03/10/2010 22:24

Thanks. I will give one of mine but truly stuff like size 32 pants and preserved fruits are not so in demand, and do think christmas is more about children and all that. I will donate to a charity appeal before Christmas (as normal). DS and I will go buy a toy and give to someone else. And I will decide on whom myself. I wl hamfistedly locate a shelter as feel this is my preferred option.
Night night!

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Original poster

FrumpyPumpy · 03/10/2010 22:26

Boobooglass would be a father Christmas gift not from family or friend. But perhaps not then.

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Original poster

FrumpyPumpy · 03/10/2010 22:29

But on a separate note my most replied-to thread! Triumph!

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BooBooGlass · 03/10/2010 22:31

But a present is a present to a child. I do see what you are trying to do, but there are ways of teaching him to be a good person without letting open 'his' present and then makign him give it away. I think that's quite misguided.

scrappydappydoo · 03/10/2010 22:41

I think its a great idea to encourage this. We do this but get the girls to choose toys. (we also do the shoebox thing but stay clear of this topic on mn)
I do know that most charities prefer you give before christmas so they can give for christmas. Our church does a toy service at the beginning of december for this purpose.

Also a few years down the line isn't he gonna question why fc delivered him a gift that was meant for someone else..I know thats the type of thing my 4 yr old would come out with

tootiredtothink · 04/10/2010 07:46

No No No No NO - so wrong , please don't do it to him.

I get my dc's to sort out toys they've finished with to donate - that can be hard enough for them. But, like you, I explain there are children not as lucky as themselves.

Start that tradition from an early age and you can do that throughout the year too.

Getting him to chose a toy from the shop at Christmas is a good idea.

Please don't do it to him. In a few years time he'll be on the stately home threads .

SweetGrapes · 04/10/2010 11:19

If you do it before Christmas, someone else might actually get it for Christmas, instead of New Year.

girlywhirly · 04/10/2010 12:19

Why not contact your local paper, they may have some ideas as to where to send your donated present? Or the HV's may know of families in need.

ColdComfortFarm · 04/10/2010 12:26

Gosh yes, you cannot do this! Children love to put money in collection boxes and would prob be OK with choosing something for another child (though at less than two they will not understand) but taking their stuff away is wrong. It's not a donation if they are sobbing 'Nooo mummy, I want it! Father Christmas gave it to me!'

IsItMeOr · 04/10/2010 12:36

Absolutely agree with others that you can't do this.

I honestly don't get why you would want to take away a present that he thinks was going to be his.

As you're talking about a Father Christmas present, won't he wonder why Father Christmas didn't think to take it direct to the needy child?

If you do want it to come from Father Christmas, I would suggest it is very separate and clearly identified as not for him, but something that FC has left for him to pass to a needy child on his behalf.

Or one of the lovely ideas from wise MNers above.

JiggeryPopery · 04/10/2010 12:42

Oh how sad - I think what you're aiming for is admirable but this isn't the way to go about it.

Why don't you and ds get together a bagful of toys he no longer plays with & clothes that no longer fit, and donate them to a women's refuge, or a charity shop?

That way you get rid of old stuff more space and they get things they really need.

peasandbeans · 04/10/2010 12:53

For the past few years we have been involved in a scheme where the children give an item of clothing to a local children's charity at Christmas. I asked dds (aged 3 and 5) last year to choose something to give and they both spontaneously chose their favourite clothes, because they wanted to make another child happy. Sometimes as adults we can be less generous than we imagine our children to be.

BertieBotts · 04/10/2010 12:54

:( Remember the excitement of Christmas, looking at all the presents, choosing which one to open first? And once opened, which one to play with? Isn't that going to be tainted by thinking "Now, which one of these am I going to have to give up?" (And were you thinking of telling him before or after he opens them??)

At worst I think you risk him being so resentful of this that he becomes more selfish as he grows up, which I'm sure is not your intention!

I would go with getting him to choose a new toy from a shop to give away or sorting out some of his old toys which are still in good condition.

And if this is about consumerism, and you don't want him to have so many new things at Christmas, don't buy him so much! When I was growing up we had maybe one or two small to medium presents from FC. One big present from parents, maybe a couple of smaller ones if budget allowed, and then other friends/family as it came.

ColdComfortFarm · 04/10/2010 15:32

Clothes are not the same as toys and definitely not the same as presents!

Poogles · 04/10/2010 15:50

For the last few years, our local church had a wonderful Christmas Eve children's service where all of the children would take up a gift which would then be given to a needy cause (chiildren's hospice, womens refuge etc). We have always encouraged DS to help us choose and to take the gift up (they were all laid around the alter).

We've moved areas this year and will be hoping that we can find somewhere that does the same.

We hit a bit of a snag last year when DS asked why Santa didn't just give them presents and we replied that he was helping Santa!

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