Ok, recently separated, no family here...what shall we do on chrismas day?

purpleduck · 2010-10-02T14:47:07+00:00

Ok, the kids dad and I separated in April - I have no family around (they are in Canada) - so, what do we do for christmas??? I'm really starting to worry (hugs welcome [grin] ). I want to start a tradition that is just ours - that won't feel that we are missing out on anything. I told the kids that they can go to their grandparents if they want, but they don't want to be without me. SO, what can we do? Any ideas??

ChasingSquirrels · 02/10/2010 15:49

What did you do before you split up - can you do that but without their dad?
Any friends that you can spend part of the day with?
What contact will they be having with their dad?
Can't you go to grandparents as well? (just realised you may mean paternal grandparents here - so maybe not appropriate, was thinking you meant they could go to Canada).

Original poster

purpleduck · 02/10/2010 16:01

Well, ex's parents don't really do christmas, so we only went there a few times. Usually we would have a big christmas eve party, get up do pressies, lunch etc, and just spend the day together.

I would be happy to spend part of the day with friends, but I really want to do something where we don't feel like we are the odd ones out. Oh, i'm not sure i'm explaining it!!

I suppose I want the kids to do something and be thinking "wow what a great day", rather than being a part of someones else's celebration and thinking "ooh, I wish we had lots of family around to have a big family christmas" did that make sense?

And we haven't had any invites. I'm kinda scared to talk about it with friends because I don't want them to think I'm priming them for an invite.

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Original poster

purpleduck · 02/10/2010 16:02

Can't afford to go to Canada at christmas

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ChasingSquirrels · 02/10/2010 16:02

so, can't you do the big xmas eve party, and then the xmas day as before - but just you and the children?

Original poster

purpleduck · 02/10/2010 16:06

Yes we could, and their dad said he would come over for the present stuff, (one of the first questions they had when we told them we were splitting was what would happen at christmas!! We promised we would still do it as a family)
I think the rest of the day would feel really...well, like just a regular day. We did decide we are going to have fancy nibbles rather than a turkey etc as they don't like the traditional thing :)

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Tippychoocks · 02/10/2010 16:08

I am newly alone, for the second time from the same Ex so I have only done one Christmas alone before. I have moved slightly further from family (about an hour) but I don't drive so it'll just be me and DD for Christmas. Ex will be there for an hour I should think.

We plan to keep the traditions going - bucks fizz and yummy breakfast, Santa's snacks, stocking in the morning and big present after church. We won't be doing a big sit-down dinner as I don't want to waste the day cooking just for us, we're veggie anyway.
Why not do the same and ask the children to choose a picnic meal? Mine loves crackers, cheese, grapes, dips and veggies, crisps - all sorts that can be available all day at no work to meeeeee! It also avoids an empty place at the table or awkward mealtimes.

I think your children would most like to be at home and have a free and easy day by the sounds of it. Why not make a virtue of it - mark up the Radio Times with the best films, keep your new jammies on, play with the presents and eat treats all day. Sounds like bliss to me .

Boxing day you should get washed and dressed though, don't get scummy now

Original poster

purpleduck · 02/10/2010 16:13

boxing day I have to fight with myself to not take the tree down.

Maybe I could have a Christmas eve party, a tv/movie/food fest on christmas, then out to a panto or something on boxing day...?

It could work :)

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Tippychoocks · 02/10/2010 16:16

I take it down on BD or the day after. For me the best bit is now till the big day - we love Advent and the making and wrapping and planning.

Then it feels like a lovely new start and you can have a clean and get things straight for new year.
God I sounds like I'm 60

Original poster

purpleduck · 02/10/2010 16:21

Not 60, just....enthusiastic.....yes, thats it!! Enthusiastic!!!

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GypsyMoth · 02/10/2010 16:22

i have kept christmas as it was when i was a child....but i scale it down more and more. cost and waste being main reasons,but just dont see the point of all the stress and expense,single or not.

with 5 dc,by the time school is out for xmas,i'm done with the whole thing anyway!

TheLifeOfRiley · 02/10/2010 16:46

Me and DS had our xmas day just the two of us last year and it was nice. He went to his dad's about 4pm and my mum came over for the evening (the latter is an experience I won't be repeating).

I made a xmas dinner last year but it was a bit pointless really and am thinking of just putting picky food out this year.

Original poster

purpleduck · 02/10/2010 16:51

Was it a bit lonely??

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TheLifeOfRiley · 02/10/2010 16:55

Purpleduck - Christmas day was all about DS opening his presents and playing with toys with me - it was lovely and passed so quickly! The day was very much his, relaxed and happy it was lovely.

TBH I found the inbetween days (between xmas and new year) more lonely than xmas day itself and will be making more of an effort to visit friends and family on those days this year.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 02/10/2010 16:55

I spend christmas day with just ds, my family come and see us on Boxing day and we spend christmas eve going to the panto/cooking jam tarts or mince pies.
Do you have any single friends? We've had waifs and strays a few times, it saves all of us being lonely.

onimolap · 02/10/2010 16:57

We've done a similar day, whether DH was here or not; in case it helps you, here it is. We have stockings first thing, then church, then home and DCs play with stocking things whilst adult(s) start the cooking. Lateish lunch, followed by Queen's Speech; then the frenzy of tree presents. All my family do similar, so the festive phone calls happen next, whilst DCs riot on chocolate. We finish up with the Dr Who Christmas special (we all love to watch, and I'm ready for everyone to sit still!)

We're traditional and keep the tree up until Twelfth Night.

onimolap · 02/10/2010 16:59

We've done a similar day, whether DH was here or not; in case it helps you, here it is. We have stockings first thing, then church, then home and DCs play with stocking things whilst adult(s) start the cooking. Lateish lunch, followed by Queen's Speech; then the frenzy of tree presents. All my family do similar, so the festive phone calls happen next, whilst DCs riot on chocolate. We finish up with the Dr Who Christmas special (we all love to watch, and I'm ready for everyone to sit still!)

We're traditional and keep the tree up until Twelfth Night.

Original poster

purpleduck · 02/10/2010 17:13

I do have some single friends, but they all have loads of family around. I wouldn't really worry at all if there was more extended family close by.
:)

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MNTotoro · 02/10/2010 21:39

You have a great opportunity to make it lovely.

Night before, leave out reindeer food, a glass of sherry and a carrot for rudolph.

Try and wrap as much in advance as possible so you can relax on cxmas eve.

Get a radio times well in advance and plan with your children what you are going to watch on tv :) or put a good dvd in each stocking.

Open stockings when they get up.

Ask them what they'd like for brekkie - maybe pain au chocolate or something.

Open presents before or after lunch depending on what you prefer.

Make a nice Christmas lunch of exactly what you want to eat - if they want yorkshie puds etc and a chocolate pudding then they can have it.

Go for a nice long walk in the afternoon if you can, fresh air will help them burn some energy.

Get a really nice bottle of champagne or prosecco for yourself when they have gone to bed in the evening and give yourself a pat on the back :)

And maybe think of something the kids could get excited about doing for you - eg, making a gift for you.