Does anyone else mentally "write off" a Christmas they have to spend with duty relatives?

[KERALA1]

Or is it just me? We had a fantastic time last year with my family really heavenly so of course this year its only fair we spend Christmas with DH's parents. My ILs are not bad people but they are very very dull and negative. They are the sort that suck any fun or joy out of any situation within minutes (dementors if you have read Harry Potter). I am not the only one that thinks this everyone else that knows them does too, including sadly DH and their extended family. It is mean but true. I find myself mentally writing off this Christmas as being irredeemably dreary because it will be spent in their company. Does anyone else have this and if so how do you deal with it?

Oh I write off the day I spend with them but plan lots of nice things for us and the kids the next day.

DH's grandmother is a dementor.
We get round this by inviting soooo many other people that she cannot possibly suck the joy out of everyone at once. Everyone takes a turn at being "grandma'd", and then gets rescued before it gets too awful.

admittedly this only works because we've just the one to deal with.

Florafinching - drugs and alcohol work well as well

They live 5 hours away so time spent together will be 2 days minimum probably 3. They live in a deeply depressing place so am hoping that I can have them here. Hey ho they are the price to be paid for my lovely DH but find myself not looking forward to Christmas this year and very envious of my sisters who will be having a jolly time with my parents in the countryside .

Could they come to your parents? Then they could be miserable in the corner on their own while you feel good about having included them!

Kill them with kindness.

I'd love to have advice but always get miserable in these sort of situations. My brother has it with his inlaws but seems more immune. Grit your teeth, smile, focus on the children and get the hell out to celebrate on one of the other 12 days of Christmas.

My godfather always had a 'thank god it's over' party at the end of January. It was the party all my parents' mates most looked forward to every year I think.

Christmas Day always a compromise. Can't be helped.

Have to spend it with my in laws. It's rubbish.

Time was, we had the morning to do the magic things with dses, which made the rest of the day bearable.

This is the first year they don't "believe" so that's gone out of the window .

So this year I'm facing rabid consumerism, followed by sweating over a hot stove, followed by Christmas dinner with hatchet faced mil and two profoundly mentally and physically disabled sils (they are seriously not a problem - would spend day with them in a heartbeat, just their mother is a massive pain in the arse who affords them no dignity whatsoever but on the other hand will kick up a fuss about what they have for their starter - I could go on but won't).

I'll be living for 7pm when she goes home and we can hit the chocolate and wine.

I hate Christmas. It's 'A' level Mum, and it gets harder every year.

I would feel too guilty inflicting them on my family. My family are kind and inclusive and used to tick me off for not being more positive about DH's family but then they spent some time with them and I was totally exoerated. What finished my mum off was her witnessing them arriving the day after I gave birth (both times) and expecting business as usual ie that I make them drinks/ have lunch ready etc. They arrived for a 3 day visit the day after I got out of hospital with a premature baby and didnt bring any food with them .

My initial thought is that it is wrong when you have your own dcs to have the routine of ils one year and your own parents the next.

I truly believe that some Christmas Days should be spent with your dcs in their own home; possibly with one or both sets of parents invited as applicable. That way the pattern is year one own home, year two ils, year three own home, year 4 own parents and so on.

agree with wmmc, in that the day or two itself may be written off, but why not make up for it (or even give the dcs an extra Christmas Day in their own home) Also her tip re alcohol is great.

When I was small we had two Christmases (due to divorce) since then I have had to work many Christmases. I think this has made me less obsessive about having to have everything my own way on the actual 25th.

Incidentally we did have one Christmas day where both sets of parents were invited. It was not a success, and due to mil's dreadful behaviour we could not repeat it. Basically she was rude and insulting to everyone, purely out of anger/jealousy that she had not got her own way. (her own way being "her" family at her home, and my parents completely excluded)

Why do it then ? Have a nice Christmas at home as you and dh for a change

Yep. Thankfully it's MY family's turn this christmas as my sister will be in town for christmas for the first time in 4 years.

However, I've recently decided to give things one more chance with DD's dad and he informs me it's his parents' turn next christmas. I am already dreading the actual christmas day in the back of my mind. They aren't miserable exactly but it just isn't any fun for me. So many rules like everyone has to me washed, dressed and had breakfast before a single present is opened, even the stockings

Was my mum the only one who let her kids stay in PJs all day long and have chocolate for breakfast? Her only rule was we do what we like as long as we open presents together and eat dinner together.

Oh and they tend to get really pissed. Nowt wrong with that but I never have at christmas.