Struggling with Lent

[DairyMilkFreeZone]

I always give up 'big' things to me. This year has been alcohol and chocolate. I never lapse.

I've had an absolutely awful month, like life changingly bad.

This year I just want to give up giving up but can't seem to give myself the permission to.

I'm so sorry to hear you've had some awful news. I think it's absolutely fine to go and get some wine and some chocolate right now! Be kind to yourself. There's other things you can do for lent instead. Be kind to yourself. And whatever it is you are going through be assured God is with you and He will never leave your side.

I've written news and I'm not sure why. Whatever it is that has happened or is happening you have my permission to give up giving up! Like I said, there's other things to do this Lent. Hope things get better soon for you. God bless.

Thank you. I find it hard because DH has given up the same things and isn't wavering so it feels more pathetic for me to give up if you see what I mean.

This may be controversial in here but I don't ever give up anything for Lent. I know for some people it's important to remember Jesus in the wilderness but I don't see the early church talking about it.

I do think God knows what you've been going through and I don't think he would want you to beat yourself up over this. Maybe it'd just time to rest in him.

Echoing what ChristmasStars said. Completely. Use this time for prayer and resting in Him.

I have no issue with people ‘giving up something for Lent’, but my own thoughts are it is unnecessary pressure, especially when you are feeling as you do. It certainly should not be seen that somebody is somehow ‘ better’ for appearing more strong willed.

Yes the Jesus in the wilderness has always been what I've thought of. And I'm annoyed at myself for being weak.
But yes this year.. this year has been rubbish.

I always give up candy/sweets during lent. For many years I ate no candy at all during lent.
Last year I had a sort of crisis, I was really sad, and I needed some candy, so I took a break from the candy fast, and I ate some (a lot of) candy. And then I stopped eating candy again for the last three weeks of lent.
It was fine.

I am in charge of what I'm fasting from. I am in charge of taking a break from my fast, and then starting the fast again (if I wish to).

You are not weak. I am not weak. We are all trying our best.
All the best to you, OP.

I use the Lectio daily devotion app. I've just remembered that on Ash Wednesday, first day of Lent, I read this on there.

He does not punish us for all our sins;
he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.
The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust.
Psalm 103:10–14

The last sentence seemed particularly relevant for you, @DairyMilkFreeZone he knows how weak we are. He is a tender, compassionate Father.

I seriously don't think God is going to mind if you eat some chocolate or drink some alcohol (or whatever you've given up) during Lent. It's about attitude of heart, not torturing yourself or living like a monk.
If it's helpful, in the CofE, Sundays don't count as part of Lent - they're feast days. So you can eat and drink what you want on Sundays and give up stuff the rest of the week if you want.

I always like the idea of 'taking up' something during Lent, rather than 'giving up' things. So you might try taking being more patient or kind, or spending more time with God, or reading more, or going for more walks.....It's a much more positive way of thinking about it rather than depriving oneself and being miserable.