How do you speak to others of no faith / other faiths on Mumsnet?

[ByLovingTraybake]

Hello! I’ve joined a few threads on the Philosophy / Religion board where the original posts have been fairly open or invited discussion about faith and the gospel. I try to be careful in how I express what the Bible says and what the gospel means, always making it clear that I’m speaking from my personal perspective and seeking to reflect God’s truth rather than asking anyone to adopt my view unquestioningly.

At the same time, I’ve noticed that discussions about Christianity can sometimes feel quite hostile. Is this a common experience on Mumsnet? How do you handle it when sharing your faith—are there tips for speaking graciously and kindly, staying gospel-focused, but without attacking or dismissing others’ views?

I’d love to hear how others navigate this balance.

Hello! Great to see you on this part of MN. :)

I do find it pretty difficult, and feel I am quite early in my journey of how to witness to people or participate in apologetics. I've much to learn and enjoy reading other more mature Christians' posts. Also my pastor has given some advice too but it can be hard to keep hold of all that when in an actual situation.

It's one thing if someone genuinely is curious and seeking to know more about my beliefs, and honestly if at the end of speaking to them if they're not interested further, then so be it, besides, you never know who else is silently reading that thread and not commenting. Also the Holy Spirit will work as He wishes, perhaps at a later date one's words may come back to convict them. Those people aren't the problematic ones, it's the more hostile, challenging posters (yes quite a lot of MN!). I feel I should know how to deal with them and explain clearly my faith but I realise it's a steep learning curve and I will need to learn from the shallow end of the pool before I can leap into the deep end, if that makes sense!

People tend towards hostility or ridicule because basically non-believers are (as we all were) aligned against God so they're going to reject Him. Part of me feels you need a deep knowledge of theology to understand God and yet at the same time it isn't necessary to know any of that in order to encounter him at a deep level!

I notice people have a particular problem with grasping the concept of 'sin' and tend to think we are implying Christians are better, have better morals and standards, or are anticipating better 'rewards' in Heaven, so I think we need to take care with that aspect.

At the moment I answer questions that I feel I am able to, but swerve those I can't and leave them to Christians with better knowledge. Also if people get too hostile then I'm out!

This board was purposely set up because the philosophy board attracts a lot of anti-christian posters.
Which is fine if you like that kind of thing, but (for me) got pretty tedious

I’m on a current thread about ‘do you believe in god?’ and it is difficult because my precision is constantly called into question if I’m not absolutely specific on every single word.

eg ‘in the previous sentence, what do you mean by specific? There is no biblical definition for ‘specific’.’

And also verses being taken out of context a lot, and the Bible not being read as a unified whole. In addition, being asked about any denomination or tradition that may have a different view to what I’m expounding, even where I explain that my tradition is gospel-focused and I can only speak to that. It therefore means it is very difficult to engage and can be quite upsetting. And therefore Christians may become under represented in such discussions.

To be frank, I wouldn't bother with it.

eg ‘in the previous sentence, what do you mean by specific? There is no biblical definition for ‘specific’.’
And also verses being taken out of context a lot, and the Bible not being read as a unified whole.

My pastor said something to the effect of don't get drawn into that sort of argument, stick to describing the hermeneutic you use for interpretation - in my case that would be grammatical, literal, historical - used throughout the Bible. Use Scripture to interpret other Scripture (but not to add anything to it or change it retrospectively). Otherwise people will just pull verses apart to mean the opposite of what you are trying to explain. I haven't tried it yet, though!

I also came across this video by pastor Alan Parr who gives a breakdown of how to respond to some of the verses used by 'de-constructing' Christians. I found it worthwhile to listen to, but it is long.

The verses he breaks down are:
Romans 9:16-24

Psalm 137:9
Deuteronomy 22:28-29
Deuteronomy 20:10-18
John 3:16

It's sad how people can lose their faith over these types of misunderstanding of Scripture.

Hi OP, I have been following you on the “Do you believe in God?” thread.

Mostly, on those types on threads, I read them but never comment. Occasionally, I write a post but never reply to the questions it might spark for the exact reasons you mention above.

I really dislike feeling like I’m being scrutinised and I don’t feel I need to justify my faith to others.

I don’t judge or have a low opinion of people with no faith. I don’t believe I have more morals, or am “above” them or am a better person than them.

I dislike dogma in either direction. But, I also dislike how religious people are accused of being dogmatic, when non-religious people can be equally dogmatic. No one should be, no matter what side of the fence you sit on.

As I said earlier OP, I am following you on the other thread and I take my hat off to you for your patience! That’s a compliment, hopefully that didn’t come across as patronising. 😊

Thanks for raising this discussion @ByLovingTraybake
Great to see you here!

I welcome your participation on the philosophy board for several reasons- personally I’ve learned a lot from your wisdom about scripture, and I’ve learned a lot from how you engage with other posters. Your knowledge and patience are both exemplary! Thank you so much! I also believe you are reaching people, though maybe not the always the ones who are commenting. As @101jobs has highlighted, some people watch without engaging, but still benefit from what’s being said.

As @Sausagenbacon has rightly said the Christian board was set up because the philosophy board was so toxic for us. The Muslim and Jewish Mumsnetters had their own boards but Christians had nowhere except the philosophy board, which is heavily populated by atheists and others, some with what appears to be an aggressively anti-Christian outlook and agenda. I’m not aware of anyone actually requesting a Christian board, afaik it just appeared one day. And in the early days we were followed there by antagonistic posters until Mumsnet did something to partially “hide” this board. (Forgive my ignorance of the tech side of what they did.)

I try to be patient (varying degrees of success) when interacting on the philosophy board. To me it feels that so often people are trying to catch you in a “gotcha” moment rather than genuinely engage in a mutually respectful way.

I will post as long as I’m feeling peace about it, but when the time comes to disengage, I’m fine with that too. A sort of shake the dust off moment.

Of course there will be genuine people of good faith on the philosophy board. Though I suspect many are watchers rather than posters, as sticking one’s head above the parapet and engaging is risking getting it metaphorically blown off by a sniper!

Looking forward to seeing more comments here and learning what I can from others. Thank you @GentleSheep for your wise input and I’m going to check out that link you’ve put up 👍🏻.

@LeaningOnTheEverlastingArms I love reading your input on those threads and you come across as a wise and mature Christian.

@ByLovingTraybake You have incredible patience, don't know how you manage it!

I greatly appreciate the encouragement, thank you. 🥰🙏🏻

Thank you! I’ve felt a bit alone and hearing this has been very encouraging. I would agree: I try not to negatively judge and to welcome with curiosity what someone else believes or thinks. Faith is extremely personal, after all. But often it is argued that holding a belief is somehow dogmatic, even if you don’t impose it on another; and even if the opposition holds an equally dogmatic view and says they must objectively be correct. Thank you for your reassuring words! It means a lot.

Yes, I totally agree with you.

As I said to you earlier, I admire your patience (and your words).

Take care out there OP. It can feel lonely on Mumsnet as a religious person, but I think there are more of us than it appears. There must be plenty more like me who sit in the background with only the occasional comment.

I did write a comment myself on “Do you believe in God?” which triggered a couple of questions from atheists. I didn’t reply to them. I am aware it could appear as rude or that I don’t have a suitable answer. The truth is I don’t want to engage or feel the need to justify myself. Also, I believe it was either yourself or Leaningontheeverlastingarms which “agreed” with me and left a nice comment. Thank you!

This meant a lot, thank you so much for encouraging me. I’m so glad I got directed to this board!

I’ve been involved in Christian discussion boards for about 25 years and run a couple of major ones. After all this time I’d say that it is how you engage with people rather than what you say that is important. Yes, with post graduate degrees in theology and philosophy I could probably take apart most arguments on mumsnet but I don’t because it isn’t kind. Kindness is massively underrated as a tool for mission.

That’s really helpful. I agree. My husband is brilliant at that; he often reminds me of whether we are busy winning the argument or the person too. And I’m reminded by the command in 1 Peter to have a reason for your faith, but with humility…

I don't generally engage with people on here. Like others I've been following the 'Do you believe in God' thread, which has predictably ended up with the usual 'Show me the proof' and 'If there's a God why do bad things happen' questions.
I find the type of 'proof' I can offer (my own personal experience) just isn't enough (and probably never will be) for those who want hard 'evidence'. And that's not what faith is about. In fact it's the opposite of faith. CHristianity is about relationship, not 'proof' or transactions (if God cures x, then I'll believe / do y'), and I find that's really hard to get across online, where tone and body language can't be seen. So I find it best not to engage.
On another forum I used to be part of, I had about a six month convo with someone about God / Christianty, and it was really interesting - respectful, engaged, open, willing to hear each other's points of view and consider things.... I've not seen that on here really.

If you’ve been following that thread you’ll definitely see what prompted me to stay this one; I felt demoralised!