Marriage- new Christian- Church

[JustMeAH]

Hi everyone. Sorry in advance if this is a bit of a ramble but i'm having a bit of an internal dilemma. I'm getting married in the Church local to where I grew up and where all my family still currently live. Which is the next town from where I live now. Now my family aren't religious but I went to the local religious primary school because it was the closest school to me (I'm not baptised) so my early belief in Jesus came from school. My mum went to sunday school at the church I'm getting married at when she was a child and I've attended many family christenings, weddings and a funeral at this church so it does have a special place in my heart. Now in my adult life I've always believed in Jesus but never practiced my faith or even read the bible since leaving primary school. I have prayed on occasion but I wouldn't have described myself as Christian. Me and my husband to be have been together nearly 13 years and have a child together. When we decided to finally get married i had a strong urge to get married before God. The wedding is booked for next year. Since booking the wedding I've done some soul searching asking myself why it was important for me to get married in church and decided to grown my faith. Ive been reading the bible the last few months, I've been attending the church I'm getting married at least every other Sunday with my child and have met some lovely people there who have welcomed me. I'm watching sermons online and generally getting to know the words of the Bible. I can honestly say I feel happier and at peace like never before. I asked the Church if me and my son could get baptised there before I get married. They have been so welcoming to me and excited for me to get baptised and married and I have only known them a couple of months. So our baptism will be the beginning of January which feels extra special. The start of a new year, our new journey with jesus and getting married.
My only predicament is that my husband to be is not a believer. He has no problem with my new found faith and attending church and has said he will join me on Sundays now and again. I know he sees a shift in me and has questioned how I can suddenly belive in God which I have explained to him I just felt I was being pulled to do so. That people can change and people turn to Christ at many ages in life. I read in the bible you shouldn't be unequally yoked. So is it a sin for me to marry him before God? I pray every day for him and that he has a change of heart but I know there's a possibility it may never happen. I love him very much, he provides for us, works hard, he always puts me and our son before himself and loves me to bits. Yes he has his faults but we all do and he is a good man. We have been together since my late teens. I'm praying for guidance and have asked for forgiveness for my sins and living together unmarried with a child for so long. Im also feeling we shouldn't be having sex before marriage. Now i have asked for forgiveness i shouldn't keep knowingly sinning.
Sorry this is so long and may be hard to follow I'm just trying to get what I'm thinking wrote down for some advice.
So my questions are...

1. Is it ok for us to get married, me a new Christian and at the moment a non Christian?
2. Should I refrain from sex till we are finally married after all this time sleeping together?
3. Is it ok to get baptised in the Church I'm getting married and not a local church?

I haven't yet attended a local church because I've been attending the one I'm getting married in. I would like to get involved with a local church I've found online. It has a lot of different events throughout the week I would like to be involved in. Women's mornings and prayer walks etc. But I feel bad going to the church I'm getting married in till I get married then ditching for a local church when the people there are so lovely. Can I go to 2 churches?

I think it's all okay.
God delights in your faith and is working on your husband.

My DH was a "wobbly Christian" and non church goer until he met me. He grew in faith, we grew together and he was confirmed shortly before we got married.

We go to 2 churches: a main one, and a quieter, smaller one, probably once a month or so. Different experiences are enriching. We make no secret of it at either church.

Bless you both!
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@JustMeAH Is it ok for us to get married, me a new Christian and at the moment a non Christian?

Simply: yes

Less simply: Pray! There is a scripture about being unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14-18) - but only you know about your relationship and how the Lord is working within your circumstances. The warnings are there because it is just easier to live as a disciple of Jesus with a partner who is treading the same path and where you are both working for the love of God.

Should I refrain from sex till we are finally married after all this time sleeping together?

That is up to you, and between you and your partner; your relationship with the Lord; your heart. Do you feel you are being led by the Lord to be celibate? What is the benefit? This could perhaps be an example of where being unequally yoked could cause lack of harmony?

Is it ok to get baptised in the Church I'm getting married and not a local church?

Simply: yes. I am not aware of anything in the Bible that is specific about location for baptism. As I am not an expert on man-made-church-rules-and-regs, I am not aware of any 'church' reason why not?

I am a Christian who is married to a non Christian and I really struggled with the but about being yolked to a non believer. Lots of tears and heart searching and I now feel that for me, it is OK as long as God always comes first. I dont think that god would ask me to break my marriage up but I have made a commitment to God and to me, he will always be the most important thing in my life so if he did call me to leave my husband, I would.

Hi @JustMeAH - so lovely to hear of your journey to the Lord and your blossoming walk with Him.
God bless you 🙏🏻

as far as your questions go -

is it ok for us to get married, me a new Christian and at the moment a non Christian?

Think and pray very hard about this. The fact that you’re asking is evidence that already you know you’re on two different paths. Being married to an unbeliever can be horribly lonely and difficult and it can get harder as the years pass. I have personal painful experience of this and would never advise anyone that it’s ok to marry someone who doesn’t share your faith. But ultimately it’s up to you.

should I refrain from sex till we are finally married after all this time sleeping together?

A couple in a previous church I was part of both came to faith and did this until they got married, as their consciences weren’t comfortable about sleeping together until they were married. They had separate bedrooms in their home for a few weeks while the wedding was arranged. You need to again think and pray about this, and discuss with your fiancé.

is it ok to get baptised in the Church I'm getting married and not a local church?

Yes, I can’t see any issues with getting baptised in a church and then attending another one which fits your life better. If you’re going to attend both I’d try to think of one as your “home” church and then the other as your “visiting” church, just to keep it simple in terms of commitment, and be open with both churches about this.

Hope these answers were helpful 🙏🏻

@JustMeAH you're already a family, with a child, and have been living together. I think you're already yoked and the marriage is just formalising that. The time for wondering about marrying him has passed, I think.

Ask yourself, would it be more Christlike to leave him and break up the family or to marry him and formalise it?

Having said that I probably would think differently if he was abusive or actively anti Christian.

Such a heart-warming testimony OP! I am truly happy you have found peace and faith in Christ, and it's wonderful to hear you and your son are to be baptised!

Re your fiancé he may find Christ via your demonstration of faith and belief. 1 Cor.7:14 "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."

Im also feeling we shouldn't be having sex before marriage. Now i have asked for forgiveness i shouldn't keep knowingly sinning.

Yes that would be the right way to proceed until you are married. It will be a test for your fiancé as well, to see if he really does respect your beliefs.

I will share that I am 'yoked to an unbeliever' - at the time we got together I was divorced, not a practising Christian but had drifted, but later on I felt called back to Christ and we are celibate, have been for a long time (over 20 years), if not I would definitely feel I was sinning. We are not married as I wouldn't feel right marrying a non-Christian. I pray that my partner will come to Christ and I do feel blessed he has not left me (the secular world would have me believe no man would stay with a woman where he's not having any sex, yet he has done so and it's his choice). I confess to feeling worried when I started attending online church (I'm housebound) and doing a lot of Bible study. He has been fine with it, thank God. I do feel sad I don't have the spiritual fellowship of a Christian marriage but that is totally down to me rejecting that path many years ago. I don't have children though, which is a big consideration for you. Only God knows whether our partners will come to belief, in the meantime we have to be patient and keep praying.

Can I go to 2 churches? Yes, but over time you may feel more drawn to one than the other, and that's fine. I have been doing the same and after a year it's now clear to me which one is better for me. The Holy Spirit will guide you in this, don't rush it.

Thankyou all for taking the time to reply to me. I have taken some time to think about what you have all said. I definitely want to go ahead with the marriage, we have a lovely family, home, life and giving up after 13 years wouldn't make sense to me.
I think I was just torn on the fact he doesn't share my beliefs, however I'm glad in the fact he has accepted what I belive and doesnt discourage me from doing so. He's absolutely not anti chritian. Im going to have a chat with him this weekend and explain how I'm feeling about waiting till marriage now that I am firm in my faith.
I will continue to pray that maybe one day we will be on this journey with jesus together. Im pleased to say yesterday I was reading my bible and he started asking me some questions about what I was reading and what it said etc. I was of course happy to share. So it looks like he is curious.
Thanks everyone ☺️

You and your husband will be in my prayers this week. Will especially pray that your chat goes well and that he is open to listening to you and God.

That's good to hear OP, I do think it looks favourable for your fiancé to come to Christ, asking questions is positive. I do think some men can feel jealous that Jesus has replaced them!

@GentleSheepWould it not be kinder and more Christian to leave your partner if you are not willing to either marry or have a sexual relationship outside of marriage?

Certainly a good thing to be considering but I don't think the Op has decided not to marry him yet and I think God often has a plan in these situations. It may be the case that he becomes a Christian either before or after they marry. My non Christian husband was OK with a period of abstinence before we married. Lots of prayer and listening for God seems like a sensible plan for the time being?

@JustMeAH is there anything you would like people here to be praying for you as you think about this and work out what to do?

He is totally fine with it, he loves me and wouldn't leave me. If I left him he'd be broken-hearted, that wouldn't be kind and of course he'd have no contact with any Christianity I bring/demonstrate to him.