Divorce

[Crackersnap]

Hi all just looking for advice. If a Christian woman is cheated on, physically, emotionally and mentally abused, financially cut off and then divorced by her husband who has been in a secret relationship with someone else, what are the biblical views on her remarrying after she is divorced?

I have heard so many opinions and theories on this but can't actually find solid advice within the bible as to what God and Jesus actually say about this.

I found this really good article on that subject, I do believe that in the case where the woman was not at fault as her husband committed adultery, then she would/should be allowed to remarry.

https://www.gwc.ac.za/right-divorced-christian-remarry/

I believe you have been 'abandoned' in these circumstances.

Do you have a church you attend and can discuss with a church elder or a woman's group?

@GentleSheep thank you. There are lots of different articles and most tend to lean towards your post. But there are also some which say absolutely not.

I just want to do the right thing by God. I recently was feeling so lonely and I was praying for some company of the human kind and I happened to walk into church late and so I sat in some remaining seats in a bit I don't usually sit. It wasn't until half way through the service I noticed I was sitting next to someone else. Anyway we got chatting afterwards and I felt this chemistry. So it's all very slowly going nicely at the moment. However I did wonder about the future. He has said he's looking for someone to settle down with. Being a Christian he will want to be married.

@FluffyWabbit some people in church do know my circumstances and do think it's acceptable in my circumstances. However quite a few people don't talk to me now. Almost like I carry a disease! I think the lead minister would go with it's ok because of what I went through and how it was all done to me. But I'm not trying to impress people. I'm trying to stick to the word of God as best I can.

That makes perfect sense re: sticking to God's word!

Maybe those people aren't shunning you because of the divorce but because they don't know how to approach or manage your pain. Believe it or not, there are instances when people shun others due to a death etc because they don't know how to comfort/console so they avoid.

In any event, I believe there is a case for abandonment re: divorce

This may be helpful to you: https://www.gotquestions.org/divorce-remarriage.html

Thank you @FluffyWabbit I also read a debate about the word death. Within the context of divorce. It was saying that until death do us apart was in the spiritual sense.

My ex husband was unfaithful, sexually, throughout our marriage. I found out towards the end he has narcissistic personality disorder. He was already in a relationship and has had a child with another woman for the past few years that I knew nothing about. I tried to seek help from the church and God through prayer but he rejected it all as obviously his plan was to throw myself and our children out and go on with his other relationship. (Which she is now not the only one)

It was explained to me by the minister that my ex has rejected God. Is not sorry and does not want to repent. Therefore in the eyes of God he could be spiritually dead. So death from God on his part undid the marriage covenant. My ex is a chameleon in that if he thought it would impress a woman to go to church he would go, however if they were a Muslim he would just switch and go to mosque if he thought that would get him what he wants.

I hope that all makes sense. It's an interesting topic and obviously one that comes up more often than we think.

Thank you for taking the time to discuss and look for articles. I really appreciate it.

Wow, I'm sorry for your experience! There really isn't much that we can do when someone decides to reject God for self.

I would tend to be in agreement with your minister who has given reasons for their thoughts on the matter.

Of course, pray to ensure that you are comfortable with the explanation.

I’m a divorced priest. My ex walked out and was not interested in counselling or reconciliation.

When it comes to the remarrying of divorcees the guidelines in the C of E are that there should be mature reflection by both parties on what caused the first marriage to fail. I’ve not done one in a while but I’m very happy to have the conversation. There are many reasons why marriages break down and as someone who has been through it I’m sympathetic as I will have to go through the same process if I meet someone.

@mostlydrinkstea I'm sorry you have been through this. It's awful.

I think in normal marriages reflection would be useful. I can reflect and I know the things I've done wrong and I repent for those and pray for forgiveness and healing. I have had therapy and continue to receive support from the minister in church.

However my ex has narcissistic personality disorder. To do this kind of work with him would be pointless. He has already moved onto his next victim.

It was never a normal marriage. The work that I need to do is on myself and learning not to fall for someone with npd again.

@Crackersnapapologies I didn’t make myself clear. If I’m asked about a second marriage then it is the parties who want to get married that I talk to not the ex (s). Like you I’ve been in therapy and it really did help. So did lots of prayer and the psalms.

@mostlydrinkstea ah sorry about that I misunderstood you. I thought you meant the divorcees having counselling before getting into another relationship.

Yes my church works closely with couples who are planning to get married.

I think for now I'm a long way off from that. I was really just thinking of the future as it could be a possibility. The reason I asked is because some people in my church have made it clear to me that they really don't agree with remarrying. However there are a few who know the circumstances of it all completely and they have said it's very acceptable. When I looked up scripture I couldn't find a lot on it.

@Crackersnap I have messaged uoy privately

With respect, anything you find in scripture will have an historical and cultural bias. The scriptures were written thousands of years ago in a Middle Eastern patriarchal society and any reference to divorce will necessarily reflect this. If they were written today the content would reflect our current society and would read differently.

Do you really believe that a loving God would want you to remain unhappily single for the rest of your life? As others have suggested premarital counselling would be helpful should you choose to remarry, but please don’t be swayed by the opinions of others in your church. This is a matter for you and God and I believe that you can resolve it through prayer and your ongoing relationship with him.

Jesus said

"I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

I'm assuming it also applies with the sexes reversed.
Your husband has been unfaithful and committed sexual immorality, therefore there's no sin in leaving him and marrying someone else under these circumstances.